House · Season 3
Stool sample to check for parasites, blood culture to rule out infection, and ANA for lupus.
Because he screamed?
It could also be an environmental reaction... an allergy, dust, weed, pollen, a toxin, something he ate...
Check the house and run a lung ventilation scan... lungs are in the chest too, right?
I had a date last night. She screamed. Should we spend $100,000 testing her?
Of course not... this isn't a veterinary hospital. ZING!
[House tries to sedate the flailing autistic patient with nitrous oxide]
Hey hey hey hey! [inhales from the mask]
Out of Vicodin? [House gives him a look]
What're you doing?
[holding his breath] Eating the red berries.
[House inhales and puts the mask on the child who complies and passes out]
He trusted you.
No, that wasn't trust. That was self-preservation.
No... That was huge. It was like a conversation.
A monkey's. [gets up and hits his head on a surgical light] Monkey's afraid to eat the red berries until he sees another monkey eat them. Monkey see, monkey do. It's all it was. The kid's still just as messed up as when he admitted him. [stumbles into a table]
Is it so wrong for them to want to have a normal child? It's normal to want to be normal.
Spoken like a true circle queen. See, skinny, socially-privileged white people get to draw this neat little circle. And everyone inside the circle is "normal". Anyone outside the circle should be beaten, broken and reset so that they can be brought into the circle. Failing that, they should be institutionalized. Or worse - Pitied.
So it's wrong to feel sorry for this little boy?
Why would you feel sorry for someone that gets to opt out of the inane courteous formalities which are utterly meaningless, insincere and therefore degrading? This kid doesn't have to pretend to be interested in your back pain, or your excretions or your grandma's itchy place. Imagine how liberating it would be to live a life free of all the mind-numbing social niceties. I don't pity this kid - I envy him.
[in a southern accent] Come on in, brothers and sister! Welcome to the house of the Lord!
House, come on, the chapel?
We have been blessed with the miracle of a new symptom. Brother, can you testify as to why this poor child's eyeball rolled back into his head?
It's consistent with jimsonweed poisoning -- ocular paralysis.
[A man sitting in the pew gets up and leaves]
[whispering] I'm sorry.
The wicked shall deceive ye, because they have turned from the Lord and are idiots. His ocular muscle didn't paralyze. It pirouetted.
MS…
It is easier for a wise man to gain access to heaven…
Can you stop that? Just say not MS!
[Dr. Wilson enters Dr. Cuddy's office with a book on his hands]
I'm going to read you something. "Asperger Syndrome is a mild and rare form of Autism. It's typically characterized by difficulty establishing friendships and playing with peers, trouble accepting conventional social rules and they dislike any change in setting or routine." Or broadloom. It doesn't say that last part, but you get my point.
House doesn't have Asperger's. The diagnosis is much simpler, he's a jerk.
There's a reason we don't let kids vote, or drink, or work in salt mines. They're idiots! Twenty year olds fall in and out of love more often than they change their oil filters. Which they should do more often.
Pay attention to me!
Sorry, that would make it harder to ignore you.
Your real fear is me having a good relationship.
Yes, it keeps me up at night. That and the Loch Ness Monster, global warming, evolution, other fictional concepts.
I'm sure the guardian will figure that out.
In a couple days! Will the guardian convince the disease to hold off eating her brain until we can get the legalities worked out?
Cameron and Foreman are too ethical and I'm too scared of getting sued.
Start treating Jabba for Pickwicken Syndrome. His 96 double Zs are probably putting pressure on his chest and suffocating him.
His CO2 and oxygen stats are normal.
For you and me, what's normal for a hippopotamus? Get a detailed medical history.
From who? He was bought in alone.
And I doubt a guy who weighs 600 pounds bothers with annual physicals.
Talk to the neighbors, search the house, let's see what Shamu's been up to besides eating. This conversation is over because I've officially run out of clever things to call the guy.
[Dr. Cameron went to the patient's house]
What you find out?
That you and George have the same taste in home furnishing and women.
Danish modern and Russian gymnasts?
Pianos and prostitutes.
[About getting the patient on the MRI machine]
The weight limit's obviously just an estimation, its not like it can hold 450 pounds fine and it'll instantly collapse at 451.
He's not one pound over, he's a 150 pounds over.
I don't care, he still deserves the same standard of care as anyone else.
And you believe the machine will stand on principle?
[On George, the extremely obese patient] He wants to be discharged.
Oh right, places to go, people to eat.
You must be Dr. House.
And you must be full of bologna. Lot of it.
Right! Fat joke! Always fun, the only people you can still make fun of.
And Christians. Oh, and black people.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's House pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
