There's no age limit on addiction.
[taking a Vicodin] He's right.
S2 E13Skin Deep
[Discussing whether a patient's breasts are real or fake]
[to Chase] Two clinic hours says that those love apples are hand-crafted by God.
I thought you didn't believe in God.
I do now.
Cameron, Chase and the dark one... Foreman, right?
We're mandated to report sexual abuse.
Is it okay if I save her life first or do you want to make sure daddy doesn't get visitation rights to the grave site?
[Dr. Wilson is examining Dr. House's leg with the MRI]
[gruff disguised voice] House, this is God.
[in MRI chamber] Look, I'm a little busy right now. Not supposed to talk during these things. Got time Thursday?
Let me check. Oh! I got a plague. What about Friday?
You'll have to check with Cameron.
Oh! Damn it! She always wants to know why bad things happen. Like I'm gonna come up with a new answer this time.
[Cuddy bursts in]
House...
Quick, God, smite the evil witch! [Wilson wisely says nothing]
Are you sitting on evidence that your patient was sexually abused by her father?
God, why have you forsaken me?
[Wilson is telling House that his leg pain is a result of Stacy leaving.]
Listen, none of this has anything to do with Stacy.
Right, giant coincidence that you've gone completely off the rails since she left; inducing migraines, worsening leg pain- [House whacks Wilson's shin with his cane] Ow!
Aw, you miss Stacy too?
S2 E14Sex Kills
HHenry
[about his daughter] I slept with her mom.
She probably knows that's happened already.
House, don't you think that's a little manipulative?
No, I think it's hugely manipulative.
We're going to cure her.
We're going to cure death?
[laughs like a mad scientist] Bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha! [normal voice] Doubt it.
RRonald
I assume House is a great doctor.
Why would you assume that?
RRonald
Because, uh, when you're that big a jerk you're either great or unemployed.
She's positive for gonorrhea.
I think that's the first time those words have been uttered in joy.
S2 E15Clueless
[to Dr. Wilson] Why do you wanna sleep on a couch anyway? You got money. At least until the divorce is finalized.
His wife arranged it for an anniversary present. And if you ask me, if two people really trust each other, a threesome once every seven years might actually help a marriage.
[Everyone looks stunned.]
Okay, I say we stop the DDX and discuss that comment.
MMaria
Marriages don't fail because couples get bored, they fail because while they're dating people pretend to be the person they think their partner wants and then, well, there's only so long you can keep that up.
You'd give your own wife herpes just to shift the blame?
He'd give his own mother herpes if it got him out of clinic duty.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's House pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.