In one of his books he talked about giving up drugs and alcohol, how it changes life.
[imitating House] Everybody lies.
S2 E10Failure to Communicate
MRI show anything?
CT scan was negative.
CT... that's like, short for MRI, right? Excellent, well I guess that saves us a lot of time.
We've got an MRI scheduled in twenty minutes. Earliest Foreman could get the machine.
I teach you to lie and cheat and steal...and as soon as my back is turned, you wait in line?
Do you know your phone's dead? Do you ever recharge the batteries?
They recharge? I just keep buying new phones.
Our relationship is like an addiction. It's... like...
Really good drugs?
No, it's like... vindaloo curry.
Okay, sure...
Really, really hot Indian curry they make with red chili peppers.
I know what it is! Didn't think it was addictive.
You're abrasive and annoying and come on way too strong, like... vindaloo curry. When you're crazy about curry, that's fine, but, no matter how much you love curry, you have too much of it, it takes the roof of your mouth off. And then you never want to see curry for a really, really long time, but you wake up one day, and you think... God, I really miss curry.
Tell me... if it is your aim to sell me the same crazy ideas as House does, how are you an improvement on House?
I... brought you a coffee?
S2 E11Need to Know
[about Stacy] This isn't just going to go away.
No, but maybe you will.
Hypervigilance, sudden irritability...
Symptomatic of...lunch with Cuddy?
What was Greg like after I left?
Er, an egomaniacal, narcissistic pain in the ass — same as before you left.
[House hands Cameron a sealed envelope, which she assumes is her HIV test results]
Knowing is always better than not knowing.
[Cameron opens the envelope and reads the letter]
It's a referral request.
[holds up an open envelope] Right. HIV thing came in earlier. You're fine.
[incensed] You won't read your mail, but you'll open mine?
It said confidential. I wanted to know.
The most important letter of my life, and you're still an ass.
Comforting, isn't it?
You don't like yourself. But you do admire yourself. It's all you've got so you cling to it. You're so afraid if you change, you'll lose what makes you special.
[pause]
Being miserable doesn't make you better than anybody else, House. It just makes you miserable.
S2 E12Distractions
You induced a migraine headache in a coma patient?
I gave him a little headache, similar to the one you're giving me now.
Have you even read an ethical guideline?
WDr. Weber
You cannot test this on an abnormal brain.
That's so closed-minded. He's not "abnormal", he's special.
Could pain medication cause an orgasm?
I wish.
His brain is like a waiter that's got too many...
Hey! I do the metaphors!
Bad news: Your son has a filthy, unhealthy habit. Good news: He's trying to quit. Bad news: Quitting is killing him. Good news: I can cure him. Bad news: [thinks] Nope, that's the end of it.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's House pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.