House quotes

Foreman

House… is brilliant. I give him the benefit of the doubt most of the time because I've seen what he can do.

Getting House out of prison is the biggest decision you've made as Dean of Medicine, right? And if he's suspended as a result of this hearing, he violates his parole and he goes back. And that probably leaves you as former Dean of Medicine.

Foreman

I suppose so.

You didn't choose me to oversee this because you thought I could be objective. You chose me because you thought I'd have your back and I'd think twice about making a decision that would get you fired. Eric. I'm sorry. But if your get-House-out-of-jail-free experiment blows up in your face, it's not my job to get you out of it.

[to Chase] You brazenly defied your boss. Now that happened either because Dr. House has established that that's okay in his world, or his prank war distracted you, or House makes medicine a game, and you just wanted to beat him. Whatever the reason, it boils down to the fact that you may never walk again because House created an atmosphere that promotes recklessness.

House

If she likes crippled guys, I'm free for the next six minutes.

Three weeks ago, you never would have slept with a patient. And you never would have operated on her after. You need help.

Chase

I need to get away from House and everything that reminds me of him.

By breaking the rules, not caring what anyone else thinks. You're gonna get away from him by turning into him?

House

Plaques... can be mistaken for nodules... which means...

Chase

Syphilis.

House

Explains the shoulder and foot involvement. Hope you practiced immaculate contraception.

Chase

She's throwing her life away based on blind faith!

House

So are you! She's found something she wants to build her life around. It's a total illusion, but apparently, she'll take a little ignorance with her bliss. You want to take that away.

Chase

How many times have you thrown the truth in people's faces?

House

Because it's the truth, not because we're gonna live happily ever after! Either your relationship just blows up, like every other non-magical romance, or she stays with you but blames you for stripping all the meaning out of her life.

Chase

This has nothing to do with the truth. You don't like that I'm reassessing my life. That I want to change it. That I can.

House

Anyone can screw up a life. I never said that wasn't possible.

Chase

You're incapable of human connection, so you want everyone to be like you.

House

[shouting] If I wanted you to be like me... [calmer] I would be urging you to make a stupid, stubborn decision that blows up your life and leaves you lonely and miserable. You reassess your life when you make mistakes. You didn't. You just got stabbed.

House

Now, I am hereby searching for a number two. So I'm eating a lot of bran. Also, I want a team leader.

House

I'm guessing that your testosterone level is just below "Bieber."

Taub

If low testosterone means I can't get sick with something else, punch me in the junk right now.

House

I would, if it weren't redundant.

So, nobody cares about the position until I apply, and suddenly it's the last limited-edition lightsaber at ComiCon?

Taub

House is a dictator. Second in command is a meaningless position.

82 pounds. [Everyone stares] How much weight I put on when my break ended the same way. People were calling me "Park-ing Lot."

Practically walked in on us having sex. God, if I saw my mother doing that I'd claw my own eyes out. Of course, she was nowhere near as attractive as you. Horribly fat, as a matter of fact.

House

How long are you going to wait until you tell me?

Wilson

I thought we already had the Santa Claus talk.

[to Will, the patient] I'm Dr. Park, by the way. I'm 5'2", Asian, and I'm totally cool with it if you want to feel my face.

Blind people only do that in movies.

But you sound nice, so if you want me to...