MMarisa
You don't believe in God?
I did. Then I grew my curly hairs.
S7 E8Small Sacrifices
Causal determinism; we are hard-wired to need answers. A caveman who heard a rustle in the bushes, checked out to see what it was lived longer than the guy who assumed it was just a breeze. The problem is, when we don't find a logical answer, we settle for a stupid one. Ritual is what happens when we run out of rational.
Classic Neurohecatia. Two days of anticholinergics, you'll be walking out of here.
Really?
No. I just made that up to see your reaction. Diagnostic test. This is awesome. 33-year-old carpenter presenting with narcissism, delusions of grandeur, hallucinations.
He hasn't had hallucinations.
I'm not talking about him. I'm talking about "him" with a capital "o-m-g."
You want us to do a differential diagnosis on Jesus?
Hears voices, thinks he's the son of God. Probably Schizophrenic.
Faith is not a disease.
No, of course not. On the other hand, it is communicable, and it kills a lot of people.
The point is to suffer like your savior did, right? Well, he didn't take myrrh, the Tylenol of ancient Rome. And his nails went through his wrists, not through his palms; palms are for sissies. What about the 39 lashes and the beatings and the crown of thorns? What you go through is closer to a bad manicure than a crucifixion.
You're smiling. Does that mean that you're comfortable with your choice? Or that you're afraid? Because this may be your only hope.
You can prescribe a lot of things, but hope isn't one of 'em.
Sticking by your convictions and damning the consequences. You two have a lot in common. You're both idiots.
[to Cuddy] I've been an idiot. I got this argument stuck in my head. If everybody lies, then trust is not only unfounded and pointless, it's fictional. But trust is not an argument that can be won or lost. Maybe I just have to suspend my cynicism and believe. Maybe it's time I took a leap of faith. [pause] I'm sorry. I won't lie to you again.
S7 E9Larger Than Life
You have to go. Your girlfriend's birthday? It's not even a question.
She has one every year. How often do you break up with the love of your life? Okay, for you, it's more often than most, but still...
I'm a big boy. I think I'll survive.
Why is your assumption of his guilt more valid than my assumption of his selflessness?
Because my assumption is backed up by millions of men, and Taub, who cheated on their wives.
AArlene
I wish that you would take a second look. I'm tired all the time, and when it's cold I get this weird pain in my shoulder.
I have a pain in my leg. You don't hear me complaining... except for just now.
AArlene
How do doctors get this idea you're better than everyone else?
Probably all that pulling people back from the brink of death, it's just a guess.
AArlene
My own daughter is a doctor. She makes a hobby of dismissing my concerns.
She sounds smart.
AArlene
Did she tell you to say that?
I've never met your daughter.
AArlene
That's hard to believe, since you're currently shtupping her.
Jack has an infection that's spread to his mastoid.
Great. We'll confirm that in a week, when your secret cultures have sprouted.
Am I in trouble?
I only get mad when you waste my time. Couldn't care less about yours. But let me know when they come back negative, and I'll mock you.
Wilson.
It's uh, bowling night. He'll never forgive me if I don't. Oh, screw it. I'm coming.
No, no. no. I am not going to be responsible for that. You drugged the man, you go bowling with him.
Well, my chances of sex are considerably lower with Wilson.
S7 E10Carrot or Stick
[about Driscoll] Military history. In suspiciously good shape for his age. Makes a living bullying kids. I'm thinking… steroids?
Fascinating.
[smiles] Thanks. We can wean him off...
Steroids isn't fascinating, it's moronic. There's no other sign of hormonal imbalance. What's fascinating is that you equate discipline with bullying. Which means that your parents either disciplined you too much or too little. I'm guessing too little.
[about Masters] She's brilliant, but new to the real world.
How do you cheat on a test when there's no test?
Sorry, not playing. [gets up, grabs his lab coat, and leaves his office with House following behind him.] Go away, House. [puts on his lab coat while walking] I am not giving you advice just so you can distort it to suit your own warped world view.
But it's been working so well. Cuddy wants to get Rachel into Waldenwood Preschool. The problem is, Rachel's dumber than a paste sandwich.
And her not getting in bothers you. You care about Rachel. That was not advice.
Cuddy cares about her. Which means When Rachel gets rejected, Cuddy will be upset. And as the boyfriend, I will be expected to be supportive, consoling...
Not your strengths, I grant you. Leave it alone. It's just a play date. It'll be fine.
Play date being their code for way to weed out the paste sandwiches. They'll hand her puzzles and counting games, and Rachel will just sit there and eat the pieces. [gets an idea and turns & walks off]
Oh, crap! Crap! I'm such a sucker!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's House pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.