TV show quotes
I can play the harmonica with my nose, make a penny come out of a child's ear - or any other orifice for that matter - and given the right circumstances can bring two women to simultaneous ecstasy.
The right circumstances being their agreement to bill you on the same credit card.
Why is he here instead of the VA?
Because he has a rich uncle Cuddy's trying to avoid fellating who doesn't buy the VA's diagnosis of "nothing's wrong-atosis."
Do a full physical. Recheck his blood for HIV, hep C, malaria, schistosomiasis, and T strain A. baumannii just to make sure the VA's dotted their I's. And find out every hospital and clinic he's ever visited, every city he's ever lived in, and... whether he's ever been on TV.
TV?
Problem could be neurological. Everyone knows TV rots your brain.
See if you can get to the truth about who he's been dating. There's no way a Marine goes a year without getting some blood on his bayonet.
[while urine is spilling onto the floor out of a bag attached to House's leg] It's a urine catheter collection bag with a rip in it, what the hell does it look like?
[Dr. Foreman, Dr. Cameron, and Dr. Chase are examining a candid photo of House taken by Emma]
This is definitely different.
It looks almost like...
...he's caring.
Any you guys ever been to the Galapagos?
Was our patient there? Dengue fever, Avian pox, even West Nile.
No, I'm looking for a vacation spot.
That mean we get vacation?
How would that differ from your current status?
You're going to do what? Relax?
Visiting family, my uncle's a giant turtle.
Mom's body is like... the intricate German metro system. All the trains run on time. When she gets pregnant, it's like... a new station opening in Düsseldorf. A bunch of rookies running things, bound to be mistakes. Kids play on the tracks and get electrocuted, and before you know it, trains are backed up all the way to Berlin and you got a bunch of angry Germans with nowhere to go. And we all know that ain't good for the Jews.
Who are the Jews in this metaphor?
I have read the outcome of mirror syndrome is almost always unfavorable.
Unfavorable... is that doctor-speak for "dead baby"?
You want to paralyze Emma Sloan's baby?
Lemme guess...Cameron.
Cameron and Chase both had their concerns.
No, Cameron had concerns. Chase just agreed with her because he didn't want to lose his all-access pass to her love rug.
They're sleeping together?
If by sleeping together you mean having sex in the janitor's closet...
Here?
No, the janitor's closet at the local high school. Go Tigercats! Do you have one of those camera phones? 'Cause I got a MySpace account.
I will deal with them after I deal with you.
Oh c'mon... let's gossip some more. I'm sure she's into bondage.
I want my blankie! I want my blankie! I want my blankie! I want my blankie!
Dr. House [on a wheelchair] Antique vintner's cane. It cost me $900.
It had a corkscrew in it.
Ah, that would explain the "vintner's" reference.
Could be used as a weapon against the pilot.
Only if you stuck it in a bottle of Zinfandel.
You'll get it back when we land.
I want my blankie! I want my blankie!
[to the mother] Give her 20 milligrams of diphenhydramine, it could save her life. 'Cause if she doesn't shut up, I'll kill her.
The room service thing was just spiteful.
I was hungry.
$300 for a bottle of wine.
I was thirsty.
$120 on video services.
I was lonely.
That's 500 in expenses I can't justify.
Don't worry. I'll take care of it.
Right.
[they arrive at the first class cabin of the plane, where House gives his ticket to a stewardess]
Welcome aboard, Mr. House, you're right here in 2A.
[House sits on his place, while the stewardess checks Cuddy's ticket]
Ms. Cuddy, you're in the next cabin and to the left, 9C.
No, I booked two first-class tickets. This must be a mistake.
No mistake. Just arranged for a $500 fare reduction. Expense problem solved.
[Cuddy sighs and goes to the next cabin]
[House is simulating the conditions back at the hospital to help him make a diagnosis]
[pointing at boy] Can you say... [Australian accent] 'Crikey, mate'?
[Confused but playing along] Crikey, mate.
Perfect. No matter what I say, you agree with me, okay?
Okay...
Nicely done... You, disagree with everything I say.
Sorry, not understanding.
That's close enough. And you, get morally outraged with everything I say.
[disgusted] That's permanent marker, you know.
Wow, you guys are good.
Nobody speak Korean on this flight?
I assumed you did.
I know how to ask if his sister is over eighteen, I don't think that's gonna help.
You're pregnant.
I'm what?
Explains the nausea, abdominal pains, fever. And why you're stuffing your 36C's into a 34B bra.
And her rash?
PUPPPs. A common pregnancy rash.
I can't be pregnant.
You a virgin?
No, but—
You're pregnant. Mazel Tov.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's House pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
