Chris Taub quotes from House

Taub

Sane people don't attempt suicide.

Not ever? So if you were being burned at the stake, and someone handed you a gun?

Taub

I'd shoot the guys with the torches.

Cuddy

[to House and his team] If anyone should be able to handle a depressed pain patient...

Taub

He insisted he was no longer...

Cuddy

Apparently he lied. [Looking at House] Didn't think I'd have to remind you of that remote possibility.

House

Come on, you're from one of the Twelve Tribes, you must know a ton of shysters.

Taub

What type of lawyer do you need? I'll bring it up at the next world domination subcommittee meeting.

House

[to Taub] Is it related to your money worries?

What money worries?

House

Extrapolating from the fact that he's been skipping his morning muffin, I'd say that he lost almost all his money on the market last year.

Taub

I'm on a diet.

House

I'm also extrapolating from the online portfolio you forgot to log off. But mostly the muffins.

Thirteen

She claims he got stronger as soon as she stopped breathing.

Taub

The mind can heal the body. Seeing his wife in distress might have actually have slowed down his death.

House

Or he just had an adrenaline surge when he saw his chance to hit the singles' market.

Taub

This tastes like... vodka.

House

Well, would be stupid if it tasted like bourbon.

Taub

The deodorant has a high proportion of propylene glycol. Same stuff made a kid in Singapore develop a heart condition, and get this: seizures. Our patient may never have needed split-brain surgery.

House

[distracted] I'm sure he will half appreciate the irony.

Thirteen

Speaking of House... why did you come back? You must've taken a major paycut.

Taub

Life's too short to worry about money.

Thirteen

Your wife feel the same way?

Taub

She's happy to cut back on some things — like... sex.

Taub

I trust you had a wonderful Thanksgiving?

Chase

I don't remember. So I guess, I did.

Wilson

Where's House?

Taub

Performing his ritual hiding-from-Cuddy-to-avoid-getting-a-new-case dance. It's sort of a jazz-fusion kind of thing.

Thirteen

He's probably eating lunch in the morgue.

An adult wants to get wasted, why is it anybody's business what substance they use?

Taub

Because some of those substances are against the law.

So your problem isn't that it's immoral. Your problem is that it's illegal. I got the same problem.

Taub

Knowing this guy's an undercover cop doesn't get us any closer to curing him.

House

Good point. You know what they say. Information is not power. Wait...

House

I don't need to see the scan. I can tell from your little puppy dog eyes that his pituitary's fine. Are you gonna say it or should I?

Taub

You were right about the steroids. You're a genius.

House

Next time with feeling.

Thirteen

We think a severe allergic reaction could be causing systemic breakdown.

To my son's sperm?

Taub

Actually, his semen is more likely the problem... Which, I realize is not what you were reacting to...

It's a black hole.

Foreman

She's hallucinating.

Taub

I certainly hope so.