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S1 E19

House · Season 1, Episode 19

“Kids” quotes from House

5 quotes

“Kids” · Season 1, Episode 19

In this episode: Gregory House (5), James Wilson (3), Dr. Lisa Cuddy (1), Allison Cameron (1)

I saw the light on.

It's daytime.

Yeah. It's a figure of speech. Always so literal.

[pause]

Got a new cane.

Yeah. Guy in the store said it was slimming. Vertical stripe...

Why are you here?

Vogler is dead.

What? What happened?

Again with the literal translation. Vogler the idea. Mr. Destructo. Mr. Money Bags, "Bow down before me"; he's gone from the hospital, so things can go back to the way they were.

The way they were was kinda weird.

Ehh...weird works for me.

What are you saying? Literally?

I want you to come back.

[House's beeper goes off, Cameron crosses her arms]

Please unclench. You're not on the clock, and when you do that, I clench, and then it's the whole thing...

Could you look at your pager?

[he does]

It's no big deal, some sort of epidemic. Not my area.

You should go, it's important.

What I'm doing now is important.

Why do you want me back?

Because you're a good doctor.

That's it?

That's not enough?

Not for me. Go deal with your plague.

[she shuts the door in his face]

[House walks into hospital and sees room full of possible epidemic patients and turns around towards exit]

Dr. House! We need you here.

Sorry, lotta sick people. I might catch something.

[Walking into his office, where Wilson is waiting with another job applicant] Sorry. I was taking a dump.

PGDr. Petra Gilmar

Well I guess I'm better off interviewing right after than right before.

[Dr House and Dr Wilson exchange a surprised glance]

You Jewish?

PGDr. Petra Gilmar

[Keeping her cool] Yes.

Is it true what they say about Jewish foreplay?

[Desperate to change the subject] Uh, uh—

PGDr. Petra Gilmar

Two hours of begging?

I heard four.

PGDr. Petra Gilmar

Well, actually I'm only half Jewish. [After a significant, impressed pause from House and Wilson] Look, I know you like to play games, push buttons. I have four brothers. Long as you keep your hands to yourself, I'm okay with anything that comes out of your mouth.

[After they shake hands and she escorts herself out]

That's our Hitler!!

No. Did you see her shoes?

Her shoes? What, did your horoscope in Vogue tell you to avoid women wearing green shoes?

The eyes can mislead, a smile can lie, but the shoes always tell the truth.

They were Prada, which means she has good taste.

They were not Prada. You wouldn't know Prada if one stepped on your scrotum.

Okay, well... they were nice, pointy.

You're not going to be happy with anyone.

So what, your advice is... hire someone I'm not happy with and be happy?

No, my advice is much more subtle. Stop being an ass.

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