Gregory House quotes from House

Foreman

[about House] When is he getting his license back so we can stop playing this game?

House

[looks at the file] Maybe never. This game is fun.

Thirteen

Stay out of my life.

House

Okay. [goes to shut the door, but Thirteen stops him.]

Thirteen

I know you cancelled my reservation. You obviously saw me log in when you were spying on me in the coffee shop.

House

I was talking to you. I was spying on the MILF in the running shorts.

Cuddy

Thirteen called.

House

She have a theory that makes more sense than abdominal epilepsy?

Cuddy

She said someone hacked into her email account and cancelled an airline reservation. I'm guessing Foreman.

House

Really? You're accusing Foreman, not me? Cool.

Chase

How'd you find it?

House

Fat old black guy, knew he had to be taking something for his cholesterol.

Chase

And what now?

House

I'm not the boss.

Chase

You don't think I should be fired?

House

Why? Doubt we'll ever be treating a genocidal dictator again. Better a murder than a misdiagnosis.

Chase

[Standing up and looking House in the eyes] Whether you want to be in charge or not, you are, and you always will be.

Cuddy

I need to know what your plans are.

House

First we take Berlin and then we circle around behind Poland and yell "surprise!".

House

You've a little devil on your shoulder told you to kill a guy. And you've got a little angel won't shut up. Telling you, you're going to burn in a lake of fire.

Chase

I'm fine!

House

You shouldn't be! Talk to someone. Docs fixed me up in 7 weeks. You're... 10 minutes, tops.

Foreman

[after allegedly dead patient regains consciousness during autopsy] He was briefly conscious, then his systolic dipped below sixty and he was out again.

House

Differential diagnosis for resurrection - go.

Cuddy

I sent this in to the State Licensing Board. I've signed off on all your hours.

House

Why?

Cuddy

Because it's easier this way.

House

You're uncomfortable with me.

Cuddy

No. Going by the book is pointless. You're gonna learn nothing.

House

Good. I thought it was because of the sexual tension.

Cuddy

There was no sexual tension.

House

There was tension. And it made me feel funny, so...

Cuddy

Here. [hands him the letter]

House

It's too bad. I was kinda getting into the whole hot for teacher thing.

Cuddy

Are you sure you're okay?

House

Yeah. False alarm... what about us?

Cuddy

We're good, just like this. You press my buttons, I press yours.

House

By buttons you mean... [epiphany] huh... [on his way out] You do make me feel funny.

Cuddy

Tell me what you came here for, House.

House

I've got a legitimate medical reason.

Cuddy

You must be so proud.

House

[Sees Cuddy's breasts in a low-cut top] I've forgotten it. I guess it's no big deal since I was only using it as an excuse to come check out Patty and Selma.

Cuddy

I feel bad. I haven't named your testicles.

House

Word on the street is you set a new personal best for low-cut.

Cuddy

I don't know why you chose to give them names of somebody's aunts.

House

It's a compliment. They're always smoking.

Wilson

Yes you can sit here running up my hotel bill or you can go get the woman of your dreams.

House

I didn't know Angela Merkel was attending the conference.

House

This envelope is oddly medical-license-shaped.

Cuddy

Congratulations.

Foreman

[Chase and Cameron walk into House's office] House is back in charge. We get to treat a porn star.

House

Taub thinks it's a brain issue. Thirteen thinks it's multi-focal.

Foreman

And neither of them wants to work here.

House

Don't take their words for it. Taub's problem is his wife. Thirteen's problem is you. Chase and Cameron's problem is the dead African dictator. None of them has a problem with the work.

House

I owe you an apology. I was w… I was wrwrw…

Chase

What were you wrong about?

House

Your husband killed a patient, and you're breaking up with me?

Cameron

You ruined him. So he can't even see right from wrong. Can't even see the sanctity of human life any more. [long pause] I loved you. And I loved Chase. I feel sorry for you both, for what you've become, because [her voice starts to break] there's no way back for either of you.

House

You're not right for her.

Lucas

And you are?

House

Less wrong.