“Loud Kiddington's Ancient History”
In this episode: Loud Kiddington (5), Fetch (5), Hannibal (4), Miss Information (2), Kid Chorus (2), Father Time (1), Toast (1)
Hey folks, Loud Kiddington here! And just when you thought your Stone Age life couldn't get any better, along comes... the wheel!
It's the biggest thing since the rock!
My dog Fetch here will eat bat guano if I don't sell you a wheel.
Eat what?!
Yes, the wheel! All new for 3002 B.C.!
I'm not eatin' bat guano!
We'll discuss it later.
No we won't!
So come on down to Sumeria and buy a wheel! 'Cause if you don't, my dog Fetch here will eat a big pile of elephant plop!
Say what?!
[singing] Go see Loud, go see Loud, go see Loud!
We'll see you here!
I quit!!
Howdy, Carthaginians! Loud Kiddington here! And if I can't make you a deal, my dog Fetch'll eat a buffalo chip!
Say what?!
Yes sir, it's a giant year-end beast of burden blow-out! Check out these savings! Here's a nifty model - take a test drive on the all-new Lipizzaners!
Wussies!
Or for rugged terrain, try our four-by-four all-weather oxen!
Puny!
Or for something even tougher, we can fix you up with your very own Teamsters!
Disgusting!
Howdy Roman citizens! Loud Kiddington here! And if I can't make you a deal, my dog Fetch'll eat a meadow muffin!
Huh? What's with this kid?
And to our right is the great Cathaginian general Hannibal...
That's Mr. Hannibal to you.
...who is plottin' a surprise invasion on Rome itself.
Would somebody call security?!
It's not snack time! I want your opinion.
Oh, well, I'd lose the hat, dude. It reeks.
No, not my wardrobe! If you were going to invade Rome, which way would you go?
[stares at the map and turns it upside-down] Uh... let's see...
[points to map] It's right here!!
Oh, right, gotcha. Uh... okay, I would go, like, uh... this way?
Of course you would! Because you have the I.Q. of a fence! Which is precisely why we will go through the Alps, and invade from the North instead! Assemble the troops!
Woah, check me out! I'm like, a military strategist. That's pretty cool, huh?
In 218 B.C., Hannibal finally reached the Italian border.
Prepare to meet the wrath of the great Hannibal, you Roman dogs!
[Loud and Fetch suddenly appear in his path.]
It's Loud Kiddington and his dog, Fetch!
Now what?!
Howdy, Hannibal!
Your lease on the elephants is up, and you've exceeded your mileage!
Huh?
That'll be 10,000 dinari!
Payment due!
[laughs] I'm Hannibal! The greatest general the world's ever known! I don't pay bills! Now get out of my way before I turn you into roadkill!
Have it your way! [He claps his hands twice, causing the elephants to sling their riders into the dirt. Loud and the Kid Chorus taunt them from atop an elephant.] So long, deadbeats!
One last question, Cleo. Why do you wear a snake on your head?
Cleopatra (World's Oldest Woman): What?! There's a snake on my head?! Get it off, get if off, get it off, get it off me!!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Histeria! pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
