Principal Wartz quotes from Hey Arnold!

Principal Wartz, I'm Dr. Bliss.

Thank you.

Principal Wartz

[nervously] What do you mean by that?

Nothing.

Helga

So I hit him, so what?

Principal Wartz

Miss Pataki, I don't need to remind you that striking another student is violating the school code.

Helga

Brainy? He doesn't mind, I do it all the time. What? You would sock him too if he was standing behind you breathing.

PS 118 needs you back!

Y'need to wait, Simmons! Don't try to fret over it!

Wartz

Excuse me a moment. [closes door, starts singing and dancing with a doll] They want me back! They want me back! They want me back! Who-ho! [opens the door, gets serious face] Please come in if you can.

Principal Wartz

What the devil's going on?!

Woohoo! I'm a fireman! Oops!

Principal Wartz

Wolfgang, that is a flagrant violation of school safety rules not to mention federal law, you are suspended!

What?!

Principal Wartz

You heard me. You are hereby ordered to stay out of the school for one entire week!

Principal Wartz

Yes? Oh. Thank you, Harold. You’re right, I should have this fire extinguisher refilled immediately. It’s not safe, otherwise. Thank you, though. Now run along to your class.

Harold

Hey! That stupid dork was supposed to suspend me!

Principal Wartz

[he heard Harold; walks out of his office; offended] Harold, did you just call me a stupid dork?

Harold

No, no, no, no! [realizes he could be suspended for doing that] I mean yes. Yes, I did call you a stupid dork!

Principal Wartz

That's a violation against the school constitution, Article 34, Section C, Paragraph 2. You're suspended.

Harold

YES! I mean- awww, gee...

Principal Wartz

Harold, you are not supposed to be within a hundred yards of school property.

Harold

But, Principal Wartz...

Principal Wartz

Uh, sorry, Harold. But the school constitution demands that I give you another week of suspension.

Harold

Another week? No, please!

Principal Wartz

Rules are rules, I'm afraid. Now, promise me, Harold, that you won't let me catch you on the premises again.

Harold

I promise, Principal Wartz. I won't go on the premises again.

Principal Wartz

Yes, can I help you?

Harold

Someone ordered a pizza for the Teacher's Lounge?

Principal Wartz

What are you doing here, Harold?

Harold

[in a fake Italian accent] I don't know what you're talking about. I'm not Harold, I'm a little old Italian man delivering a pizza. See? I-I even have a mustache. [Wartz takes the mustache off of Harold] OW!

Principal Wartz

That's another week's suspension for you, young man.

Harold

Awwwww...

Principal Wartz

Repeat slowly after me.

Harold

Slowly after me.

Principal Wartz

No. Not yet. Alright, now! "I will not enter the school grounds for the next three weeks."

Harold

I will not enter the school grounds for the next three weeks.

Principal Wartz

Good, I'll see you in three weeks.

Harold

Good, I'll see you in three weeks.

Principal Wartz

Harold?

Harold

Harold.

Principal Wartz

D'oh!

Harold

I’ll be on school grounds in no time. What a great plan!

Principal Wartz

Hello, Son. You're digging quite a hole there, aren't you?

Harold

Yeah. See, I got suspended because I called the Principal a stupid dork. [grunts as he shovels some dirt] And now he won't let me into the school, [grunts as he shovels more dirt] so I'm gonna tunnel in.

Principal Wartz

Is that so? That's another week's suspension for you, Mr. Berman.

Harold

Awwwww... [the shovel drops on his foot] OW!

Principal Wartz

And fill up that hole.

Principal Wartz

What the devil's wrong with you two? You are not supposed to be within a hundred yards of this school!

With all due respect, sir, according to the school constitution, article 14, section 2, paragraph 5, we are fully within our rights.

Harold

And it says here in, uh, Article 39, Section 4, when a student gets suspended, he can repeal it if there are... outside circumcisions!

[Correcting Harold] ...stances.

Harold

...stances! Right. Outside circumstances!

And we have here 40 pages of the material explaining why we have the rights to be back into school. Under article 39, we would like a review of our case by an outside agency.

Principal Wartz

You boys make a very impressive case. The only problem is that you are talking about an outdated school constitution from 1956. This is the current constitution, and there is nothing in here about any appeals, that's for sure.

Thank you, Principal Wartz. [Starts to follow Harold into the school]

Principal Wartz

Wait a minute, where are you going? [Arnold stops]

Huh?

Principal Wartz

I didn't say anything about lifting your suspension.

But Principal Wartz, I...

Principal Wartz

Just kidding. Now run along, young one! Ah, Wartzy, you've done it again. The true principal must temper justice with mercy. It's no wonder the children love and respect me.

Hey, Wartz, ya wide load! Ha ha!

Principal Wartz

That's it, young man. You are suspended!

You can't suspend me! I'm already suspended!

Principal Wartz

Well, in that case, you are unsuspended! So get back to class.

Gotta catch me first, old ugly guy! Ha ha! Ha ha!

Principal Wartz

Come back here, pal! [Principal Wartz furiously chases Wolfgang as he falls in the hole] Whoa! HAROLD?!

Phoebe

Until three days ago, I was Phoebe Heyerdahl, fourth grader, straight-A student, and a good friend to a lot of you. But then something happened. [nervously] I accidentally... uh, well, I accidentally passed... went... [furiously] Heck, I'm just gonna say it! I farted! [the kids whistle and laugh] Yes, that's right! I "let one rip", I "honked a big jobber", "blew the tuba", "popped a whopper"! [the kids stop laughing as she gets serious] You all thought it was pretty funny. I guess if I were in your shoes, I'd think it was kind of funny too, but ever since then, I've gone from being Phoebe Heyerdahl to just "that girl who farted", and I don't think it's fair, because I'm more than that! If you ask me, I don't have anything to be ashamed of. I think you're the ones that should be ashamed! [leaves the stage]

Principal Wartz

Well, folks, I for one applaud Miss Heyerdahl for having the courage to stand up for herself, and I think you should, too. What do you say, gang?

Harold

I got something to say. Phoebe's a farter! Phoebe's a farter! [Laughs, then, quite suddenly, he wets his pants] Uh-oh.

Look! Harold wet his pants! [the kids laugh]

Harold wet his pants.

Harold

[bawls and fleeing the room] Mommy! Mommy!

Harold

[offscreen] OH, NO!