Alison quotes from Hell's Kitchen

[after cutting into lamb prepared by Monique] It's really rare. Monique, it's really rare. Screw it, back in the oven.

That shit's not even hot! Put that in the fucking convec(tion) oven! Are you kidding me?! (interview) I open the oven, and I'm expecting, like, a facial, and it's nothing.

Our oven is not hot for some reason.

It's not on!

It is on.

The oven's off! (interview) Monique, are you fucking kidding me? Your goddamn oven is off, and you're cooking lamb. Are you like...are you high?

(to the red team) Lamb!

Chef, we're bringing it up. Pork?

Got it. You following me?

Yes. Right behind.

Right behind!

Ladies! ALL OF YOU! COME HERE!!

(interview) Fuck! Really?! Like, again?! Oh my God! This is not happening!

Raw lamb and dry pork! Like pork jerky! Look at it! RIDICULOUS!! [throws spoon up before walking out of the red kitchen] Aw, FUCK OFF.

LADIES!

Yes, chef! Monique, just throw it up.

I wanted to make sure it was ready. [to Gordon] Walking with scallops! (interview) I know I'm solid on my scallops. This ain't my first time in the kitchen!

[while checking the scallops] These are fucking disgusting. They're just cooked to fuck. [to red team] Ladies!

Yes, chef!

Come here! All of you. WHAT IS HAPPENING?! TOUCH THEM! Just touch how rubber they are! Yeah, it's not gonna bite! It's fucking dead!

Yes, chef.

Alison, who cooked those scallops?

[brief pause] Monique, chef.

(interview) Like, what a bitch move! I can't stand Alison. You accent's stupid, your makeup's stupid, you're stupid.

(to Monique) You've got no idea they're rubber! Way overcooked!

Yes, chef.

Start again!

Oh my God. Fuck me. (to red team) Hey, all of you.

Yes, chef!

Come here. Yeah, HURRY UP! Taste that!

Where's the spoon?

Taste that.

Oh my God. It's salty.

That is disgusting!

Yes, chef.

Who made that?! Who fucking made that?!

I put the extra salt in at the end, chef. I'll fix it though!

Michelle, there are young children!

Got it, chef!

(to the red team) All of you. All of you! There's the last New York strip. Look how well done it is. It's just so basic!

(interview) You have an idiot and a clown on the meat station, and they're just fucking everything up.

Is anyone going to step up and say anything?! This is an embarrassment! [throws meat onto the table] Get out! GET OUT!!

Go, go!

(interview) This is a complete, epic shitshow!

Is that raw?

Yeah.

Hey, ladies! Come here! Who cooked the burger? Burger's still raw. [pause] Whilst you stare at your raw burger, and I re-fire that table myself, I suggest you come up with two nominees that you do not want on your brigade. Fuck off!

(interview) There were little kids out there. It pisses me off completely! There were families out there. Families. Simply atrocious! Shame on the red team!

Whose raw burger was that?

That was my bad. I thought it was ready. I'm not kidding, like...

Sarah, it's a rare burger!

I understand! I don't know how to cook burgers!

Oh my— (interview) A burger! Who in America does not know how to fucking cook a burger?!

Sarah, I need you to bring your confidence to the fucking party. You are a good chef! Stop fucking second-guessing yourself!

Yeah, that burger was a huge problem. But on the same token, are you fucking serious that you don't know how to cook meat?! (interview) I've been on that meat station. It's so easy! Mieka is not good, but Monique is a complete dead weight. She is just a body taking up space. (to Monique) Monique, straight up, it's your second time on meat! How many times?! Second time!

I mean, seriously!

Yeah, I fucked up in the beginning. The second batch came out, they were under, but I got my shit together.

YOU NEVER GOT YOUR SHIT TOGETHER, MONIQUE!

I did!

Oh my God!

The meat station failed.

I look like a fucking moron right now. (interview) I'm not feeling so good after that loss. I don't like to fail and I don't like to be embarrassed. (to T) T, put that on there! It's not even fucking on! GAHHH!! This is like, no way. Seriously, it's nuts. (interview) I don't like this fucking horseshit that's happening in the red kitchen right now. (to red team) Come on, guys! Let's go, or I'm gonna fucking ride your ass!

Ugh! (interview) Meghan is just annoying! Like, we're already in the shit...

Meghan, what is that look on your face about?

(interview) ...and she isn't helping! (to Meghan) What happened?

Are you kidding me?! This is fucking easy as shit! Correct?!

Meghan, stop it.

No!

It's annoying, it's stupid!

I can't do this anymore, guys. Like, seriously...

I don't know how this is gonna work!

...I'm about to, like, fucking nominate myself so I can go the fuck home so I can stop being embarrassed. I'm fucking sick of this shit!

[scoffs] Good-bye.

Guys, let's go.

So done. (interview) I am not a quitter. But at the same time, I cannot handle it if we lose another service. I'm–I'm gonna, like, go through the fucking roof.