Zach quotes from Hell's Kitchen

Taste that. How hot is that?

Spicy, spicy.

(returns to the workstation and spits pasta out) All of you, taste that! It's too spicy, and it's disgusting! [throws his spoon away on the workstation]

(takes capellini away) Trash.

And again, scallops cooked beautifully.

(interview) What the fuck is going on? It's like déjà vu in this motherfucker.

(to Zach) How many times have you cooked scallops tonight and not served them?

Twice, chef.

Sorry, bro.

Sebastian, get it together!

Yes, chef!

Come on guys, let's go.

Okay, Mikey-Wikey. (interview) I messed up a few times, but I'm getting in with the groove, I'm playing around, trying to make the environment a little bit looser.

Zacky, talk to me.

(to Michael) We've got three halibut, one branzino.

Zacky-Wacky! [Gordon hears this]

(to Sebastian) Hey, you! Hey, come here, you. “Zacky-Wacky?”

(trying to correct himself) Chef Zach!

Hey, look at me. Hey, look. Is this a fucking joke?

No, chef.

“Zacky-Wacky?!”

Sorry, I apologize about that, chef.

Yeah, do me a favor. GET OUT!

Yes, chef.

Fuck off, will you? Get out!

Yes, chef.

Upstairs, GET OUT!

(interview) So Sebastian gets kicked out. Who didn’t see that coming?

(still thinking about it) “Zacky-Wacky?”

What are you doing? [Sebastian shushes him]

(interview) Where the hell are you going, Sebastian? Okay, yeah, you can come back.

Second time! GET OUT!

(interview) God, are you kidding me?

Fuck off! Wacky!

The blue team is now down a chef - and it's up to Jon to handle the appetizer station solo.

I need two minutes, please.

Lamb! Come on, Michael! Bit of energy!

[brings his lamb to the pass] Yes, chef.

[checks the lamb; returns to the workstation] Terrible. And embarrassing.

Oh, God. (interview) Fuck, it's coming back.

Timeout! Stop!

Fuck!

The bone, thicker than the fucking meat.

(interview) There needs to be meat on there! This is not a fucking dog's chew toy! This is lamb!

And if that's not bad enough... [Shows the wellington, which is cremated]

Fuck!

...they're way overcooked!

Horrible. Fuck!

(interview) Michael and Barret, dumb and dumber!

You don't slice the wellington until the lamb's ready.

Yes, chef.

And when it's together like-- (sees Sebastian) Oh, you!

Chef, can I please come back, chef?

(interview) Dude, really? What are you doing? Perfect fucking timing!

You, you come here, you. You're making me look stupid.

No, chef.

The blue team, one hour into service and not one entrée out. You (Sebastian), for the last time, take him (Barret) and him (Michael)...and get out! And let me tell you something, you come back downstairs again, you'll be leaving through the front door. Now GET OUT! Three of you! You (Ray), on meat.

Yes, chef.

You (Anthony), on meat.

Yes, chef.

Oi! GET OUT!

(interview) Now I'm pissed off. I didn't do anything to get kicked out of this dinner service. (angrily throws his apron)

Three halibut, one bass, one chicken. Come on, guys!

Yes, chef.

(interview) I'm looking at Jeremy sautéing off kale. I can see the kale literally catching fire, getting burnt!

Chef, turn that down some, chef.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, don't even serve that.

I'm not. Worry about your side, let me do my side, yeah?

(interview) Motherfucker, what?

Hey, no territory bullshit!

(interview) It's my station, and I don't need his help. So shut up and do what you're supposed to be doing.

Un-fucking-believable.

Can we go with three halibut, one bass, one chicken?

Seven minutes to the window.

(to Jeremy) What are we going with?

Two--two halibut, one chicken, chef.

Three halibut!

Three halibut, one chicken, chef.

Three halibut, one bass, one chicken! What are we going with?

(starts stuttering) The three, sleep, the three, three halibut, the two, two, uhh...

(interview) Jeremy, he's telling it to you! Just say it right back, man! Pretty sure birds can do that!

Three halibut, one bass, one chicken. What's going?

The three halibut, two f..., two, uh...

GET OUT!

(interview) Bye-bye, Jeremy! [laughs, Jeremy throws his apron as he leaves the kitchen]

Oh, man! [returns the risotto to the work station] [to Jon] Look at that there, stuck to the bottom of the pan.

Fuck, man!

[to Jon] Jon, take Dan and yourself, and get the fuck out of here! [Jon and Dan leave the kitchen]

(interview) When somebody gets kicked out the kitchen, they put more pressure on the next man. (in the kitchen) Whoo!

[to Ray] Raymond, taste that! [Ray tastes the risotto with his bare fingers] Fingers, spoons are everywhere.

Bland, chef.

(interview) Ray, you just stick your finger into a risotto in front of Chef Ramsay in Hell's Kitchen. That's just stupid!

[to Ray] You may be the oldest, but out of respect, FUCK OFF!

Yes, chef.

You got to be shitting me. (interview) Blue Kitchen tonight is like being in the middle of a natural disaster. [to Anthony] My fucking heart is beating. (interview) I'm not feeling good right now. It's getting hot. I start feeling pressure.

[to Zach] You good?

I gottta just - I gotta just breathe, homes.

Risotto?

[brings up the risotto] Risotto, chef.

(to Anthony) Just taste that.

Fuck!

Yeah, fuck.

(interview) Fuck!

Get out! Get out!

VIP table, NBA player. The risotto is too hard.

[returns and slams the risotto on the workstation] Risotto, a VIP table. Rice is fucking undercooked. [Ray places a pan underneath the workstation] Hey, he's a bit-- (to Ray) Hey, come here you. Give me that pan. [shows an overcooked risotto to the Blue team]

That one--

What are you doing? Wha-wha-wha-- Just what in the fuck are you doing?

(interview) Things are rolling, risotto goes out, awesome. Perfect good, good start.

[slams the pan on the workstation] That's burned and that's hard! [gets and slams the plate on the pan]

I'll put another one in chef.

(interview) Risotto comes back, awesome. Perfect, [deflated tone] this is what we do.

(knocks his hand on the workstation; to Ray) You, grand-dad! Come on! this is a pick up now!

Ten seconds, chef. Right here, chef.

(interview) Chef Ray, watch your motherfucking self and you'd better not make any more mistakes under the fucking sun. You hear me?

KEEP THE FUCKING PAN DOWN!

Yes, chef. I understand, chef.

MOVE, RAY!

Sorry.

(interview) Ray, get your head out of your ass and get this risotto out. We're waiting on you. Waiting on Ray!

Stop! Risotto tastes delicious! (to Ray) Now you've raised the bar.

Thank you, chef.

Hey, don't piss your pants! Just stay focused!

I won't, chef. Yes, chef.

Lamb? Where is the lamb?

I'll just bring it up, chef. A minute left, chef.

Come on, I'm going to lose those garnish.

A minute away. Garnish is done.

(interview) I'm doing fucking 50,000 things right now, and Dan is failing at the one fucking task that he has. I need a lamb.

(slices his lamb) Zach?

How the fuck?

(interview) Okay, the lamb wasn't cooking fast enough. What the fuck do you want me to do about it other than to put it in the damn oven. [puts his lamb in the oven]

(to Dan) Dan, real time. How long?

(to Zach) How long?

YOU JUST LOOK AT THE FUCKING LAMB! HOW LONG? [goes to the oven] OH, JESUS! FUCK! (interview) Then he asks Zach how long? Are you kidding me? How does that go? (to Dan) Get the fuck out of here! Get out! (interview) Really, if he lays one fucking finger on me, I'm going to beat him all over the fucking room! I don't care if I walk off and go to jail tonight!

(to Dan) Hey, don't stand there!

(to Dan and Michael) Hey, come on! Split it up! [Michael bumps Dan out of his way]

(to Michael) Don't fucking bump me again!

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

(interview) Don't bump me! You ain't shit! You want to fucking fight? Come get it!

(to Michael) Hey, hey, hey you! (to Dan) Hey you, HEY FUCK-WIT! Come here you! Come here! [leads Dan and Michael to the pantry]

(interview) Wooo-hoo! Someone's getting it down.

[angrily slams the door] WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WITH YOU TWO?

(to Dan) You got to talk to me, bro. That's it.

Alright.

You got to fucking talk to me!

Stop yelling at me.

No, fuck you! Talk to me or get the fuck out and go home!

(to Dan) You're throwing him under the bus all the fucking time!

Don't be sorry, dude!

I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

Don't be sorry!

Look at him and talk at each other!

I'll fix it! I'm sorry!

Let's do it! Come on!

(calls the Blue team) All of you, come here! Taste that. I want you to taste that scrambled egg! Taste it!

Some seasoning, guys! Little salt and pepper!

Who made that?

I did, chef. I put salt and pepper in chef.

You-- [throws his spoon away on the workstation] I mean, SERIOUSLY?! THEY'RE PARAMEDICS!

I got them, chef.

I think you need a doctor right now! [knocks his hand on the workstation]

Two more salmon coming right up.

Hey, Blue team!

(to the Blue team) Chef, pay attention!

On order, four covers Table 23! (finds that the ticket was badly written) I mean, fuck me. (shows the ticket to the Blue team) Hey, look at the way he wrote that ticket. Look at how badly that's written out! Barret!

What happened?

Rewrite the ti-- Where's Jean-Philippe? Jean-Philippe, what is that?

Come on.

Oh, fuck off! (tears up the ticket) Hey JP, take him (Barret) and yourself back to fucking Belgium!

Thanks!

Fuck right off! Fuck off!

While Nedra begs forgiveness in the dining room, back in the Blue kitchen,

Where is the fucking halibut?!

Coming up chef.

Come on, guys! Push it!

(to Ray) Let's go, come on. Get those up.

Ray hurries to deliver his third attempt at the same order of fish.

WHERE IS IT?

(to Dan) Bring that up.

Got it right here, chef. [brings Ray's halibut to the pass]

Come on, come on. Go with that, good job.

Please be cooked. For the love of God, be cooked.

[checks Ray's halibut] Wellington's beautifully cooked, pork's beautifully cooked.

Thank you, chef.

But I have a problem. [returns to the workstation] I have a big fucking problem—YES, I DO!! [angrily knocks his hand on the workstation] MERDE!

Fuck me!

THIS IS RAW!

Oh, my God!

Oh, fuck me!

THIS IS RAW!

(interview) Not again! Dammit, this can't be happening! (to Ray) Come on, Ray!

IT'S JUST RAW! [angrily knocks his hand on the workstation]

(to Ray) Get three more going. Get three more going. Put them in the oven.

IT'S FUCKED!

(interview) We're going down in flames! Titanic ain't got SHIT on us!

I'M DONE! (points to every member of the Blue team) You, you, you, you, you, you, GET OUT! GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!

(interview) I was doing good, dammit.

Did I not say that we're done? I will let you fucking know when you fucking keep leaving in it. (interview) Dan, just leave it alone. I had it fucking perfect.

(Storms into the blue team's dorm with raw halibut) Hey, where are you guys?

Right here, Chef.

I spent 18 hours with you guys today, I give you everything I got, and that's the bullshit you're going to give me in front of Chef Ramsay? Make me look like a dickhead in front of a dining room full of people! I'm beside myself right now with that! I can't look at you guys anymore.

All of you, come here.

(interview) Fuck!

(points to a table of senior women) See those six glamourous ladies, slightly older? Yeah. And look.

Oh.

Oh, my God!

(gets a parchment paper from a halibut) The paper.

(to Barret) You left the parchment on there, man?

(interview) What, you trying to kill people? By the time you swallow it, it's too late. You're on the floor with Jean-Philippe doing CPR on you. [scoffs] Who the fuck want that?

(quietly to Barret) Hey, come here you. It's not a fucking joke. You should be ashamed.

I am. I am ashamed. (interview) Tonight of all nights, I'm just praying that we didn't lose the dinner service.

Paper to a senior! [crosses to the Red kitchen out of disgust]

We're firing apps brilliantly, and now we're gonna start firing entrées.

Heard that, Chef.

Okay? First table away. Don't fall behind!

Absolutely.

Yes, Chef.

Red team, away now: one New York strip, one branzino. They go with the Blue team at the exact same time, yes?

Yes, Chef!

Zach, one pork, one filet.

I'm ready now, one minute!

Hey, come here, you fuckface. This is where he doesn't understand jack shit. "I'm ready now, one minute." And yet the Red team need a bit of fucking time. [points to the Red Team] I wouldn't let them do that to you, so why are you doing that to them?

Um, Chef, three minutes?

What'd you think? We started off with what? [holds his hand up]

Five.

Thank you.

(interview) Unbelievable. Let me just keep my mouth shut. Yes, Chef!

Is that clear now?

Yes, that's very clear!

I appreciate that!

Thank you, Chef.

That's why I call you "fuckface!"

Not a problem, Chef!

Because you're fucking them (the Red team) and you're fucking me!

I don't wanna fuck anybody!

Thank you!

Thank you! (interview) Did I just have a conversation with Chef Ramsay about fucking? [cuts to Zach in the kitchen, grinning] Yes, I did.

This is a Japanese noodles, pan-seared chicken, fresh Napper (Napa) cabbage, bok chewy (choy)...

(interview) What the fuck is bok chewy? YOU MEAN BOK CHOY, FOOL?!

My sauce is, uh, sewey (soy) sauce.

(interview), You don't - see? That's what I'm saying.

Nedra!

Yes, chef?

Why can't you do the cold? (to Zach) Why did she drop [the pasta] that?

She said she don't need any help.

My worry is the slowness.

(interview) Chef, just watch how to let me fucking do this, I don't need no help!

If I was in the Blue team, I'd have her off the fucking appetisers, I'll put her on the garnish, and someone with a pair of balls could step up and take over that fucking mess! (to the Blue team; goes to Nedra's station) All of you, come here! Just look! Just look at the fucking mess in here! The shit, the disarray, the disorganisation and look, [gets a basket of pasta on Nedra's station] look, look. LOOK AT THE MESS!

YES, CHEF! I'M GOING TO GET IT TOGETHER!

It's two and a half hours into dinner service and all of the red diners have been fed. But thanks to Zach's careless performance...

Is that lamb-- (sees that it's overcooked) Oh, please! Does that not look like it's overcooked? Hey, you! Hey, fuck-face!

...the men are struggling with the two remaining tickets and all eyes are on Zach's lamb.

Looks like elephant shit from here!

I understand, chef. I'm just waiting for the fish.

You fucking give me one more excuse, I swear to God, take your jacket and fuck off out of here!

I'm sorry, chef.

Stop making excuses!

Yes, chef.

Two lamb, one wellington, one bass. How long? (Zach doesn't answer; goes over to Zach's station) Put it down, I can do the rest. You can fuck off, Zach.

(interview) Chef Ramsay has just had it. He comes in and says "You know what, Zach? I'm going to work your station now."

Chef, you're going to put it fat side down first?

Now he's asking me stupid questions. "Hey, chef, can I brush my teeth? Hey, chef, uh...can I change my pants?" One mistake and he's so frazzled.