Harley Quinn quotes

Harley Quinn

I'm getting nervous about Kylie's and Brittney's improv skills with Gordon.

Poison Ivy

They're trained professionals. I'm sure they can buy us at least another five minutes.

Oooh, no. We've been bad.

Oooh, we need someone to punish us.

Not Commissioner Gordon!

We're respect and fear him so much.

Two-Face

Something about this doesn't seem right.

Commissioner Gordon

Hold on. Let's hear 'em out. [Two-Face switches the lights on to see their faces.] What the...? Adult film actresses Kylie Kyriptonite and Brittney Bionic?

I'm a huge fan.

Loved you in The Drilling Joke.

Please, sign my gun.

Can I get an autograph? I-it's for my husband.

Well, Mister Face, what would you say to a job on set as the director's chair? God, you look like a pile of shit, but you feel like a pile of clouds.

Hello, Alfred! Looks like the prodigal son has returned.

Harley Quinn

What up, Gotham City? You ready to lick up my toe? Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy are back! [to Dick] Now, that's how you make an entrance, you fucking dork.

Batman

What's with your voice?

Nightwing

What are you talking about?

Batman

It's a bit... overly serious.

Nightwing

I think it's an appropriate amount of... serious.

Nightwing

[after meeting with Damian] I thought you were four.

It's been eight years. That's how time works, dickhead.

Poison Ivy

This is beyond messed up.

Harley Quinn

You know, I should hate 'em, but damn it, the girls got moves.

Clayface

Screw Clayface. I choose Thornton.

The Joker

[After Man-Bat's acceptance speech in bat language] I hope we won't have to censor any of that. [Laughing] I'm kidding, I'm kidding. It was a very touching speech about your mother's leukemia.

Kite Man

So, uh... this is awkward turtle.

Poison Ivy

No... why, why would that be?

Harley Quinn

Because we had an affair while you were dating, and you left him at the altar for me, and now we're all seated at an award show where you and I are run for "Best Couple"...

Kite Man

Bingo-bango.

Poison Ivy

Okay, bitch... Wait, what happened to you? You know what? I can guess. Let's win this Villy, crush the acceptance speech, and make that trophy a cuck.

Harley Quinn

Totally. How?

Poison Ivy

By making it watch us have crazy sex until dawn. Duh.

Harley Quinn

Okay, I absolutely love that image, but Ive, I'm so sorry. You had real anxiety all night and... I should have helped. I was so fixated on that award when I was with Joker 'cause it was the only validation I've ever got. But that was a bad relationship and I've grown beyond that. So who cares about a dumb trophy? [gently touches Ivy's face] I got the real award right here.

Poison Ivy

Aaw. That is so sweet. But I should have been more excited. I mean, this is important to you, so it is important to me.

Harley Quinn

[Singing in heavy metal style]: Ivy is so smart. She's no science wuzzy. And in celebration, I'm gonna eat her puss... [Ivy shows up.] Oh, hey, Ive!

Poison Ivy

When Catwoman and I hooked up, I wanted more, even though it was so obvious that she didn't. So, I waited around, hoping that she'll change her mind and while I waited I was just wrapped around her little fingers. Anyway, after it finally ended, I felt so pathetic. I never wanted to think about it again, so when you brought it up I just got defensive and I said something I shouldn't. Harley, it wasn't even a real relationship and I know that, because when we got together, I knew I finally found what I've been pining for all those years. [tears up] Catwoman didn't mean a thing to me. But you... you Harley, you mean everything.

Might I be your service? I tell you where Swamp Thing is, if you can outdrink me.

Harley Quinn

Let's make some shit disappear, Chris Angel!

Bruce Wayne

I, uh, I purchased these two cats for you.

[unamused] Is the only thing you know about me that I like cats?

Bruce Wayne

These cats are special. They're Persian. I named them Martha and Thomas.

After your dead parents?

Bruce Wayne

I... I didn't realize. I just considered them to be strong Christian names.

I'm not taking those Anglo-Saxon pseudo-parents cats, Bruce. [shuts door]

Alfred Pennyworth

Master Bruce, are you alright?

Bruce Wayne

I'm fine. I don't need Selina. I'm not looking for love. I just want to focus on my career right now. [He looks at Frank who is tied up in his lab.] Poison Ivy did something to him. And I'm gonna figure out what.