Alfred Pennyworth quotes from Harley Quinn

Alfred Pennyworth

Your ego is writing checks your broken body cannot cash, sir.

Alfred Pennyworth

Why don't you come back to bed? I've made you a cup of honey tea and pigs in a blanket.

Bruce Wayne

I don't want pigs in a blanket: I want to fight crime! I will take that honey tea.

Bruce Wayne

You can wipe that smug look off your face.

Alfred Pennyworth

That's not smug. This is smug.

Bruce Wayne

Devastating.

Alfred Pennyworth

Master Bruce, are you alright?

Bruce Wayne

I'm fine. I don't need Selina. I'm not looking for love. I just want to focus on my career right now. [He looks at Frank who is tied up in his lab.] Poison Ivy did something to him. And I'm gonna figure out what.

Alfred

Following rules is like folding a fitted sheet. Sometimes you do it. But other times, you stuff it in a drawer and say, "Close enough."

Harley Quinn

You're a real crumpet, Alfie, you know that?

Harley Quinn

Out of my way, Alfred! I finished my chores, and now I'm off to fight crime. Step aside or I'll have to fuck you up!

Alfred

I wish a bitch would try. [Sprays her with water]

Harley Quinn

Ah! Why?

Alfred Pennyworth

[Giving out samples of White Collar Wine of a MalCon booth] It started with a single toilet booth with a crust of a bologna sandwich and now; White Collar Wine, is the official beverage of MalCon. [Chuckles with samplers clapping] Now let's start with the Chablis. [Pours glasses with samplers taking one and drinking] The nose of green jello pairs well with an aged gruyere and tax evasion.

Ooh, Penal Noir. Wow, what's with the feeling? It's like my head is spinning and my tummy is a-rumbly. But I also feel happy.

Lex Luthor

[Poison Ivy reaches for a glass with Lex slapping her hand] None for you. Alcohol dries out the vocal cords. [Ivy grumbles] There's someone I'd like to introduce you to. She's a woman, like you. Meet-

Poison Ivy

[To Alia Al Ghul wearing a tote bag reading: "I'm a moonver and a shaker"] Hey! Love the tote! Right? [They hug]

Lex Luthor

You two know each other?

God, you've been on the moon too long. We already met at the Evil Women in Business Luncheon.

Lex Luthor

Women's Luncheon?

[To Poison Ivy] Fucking Lex. You're the hot new blood here. Don't let that Ken Doll wannabe hold you back.

Poison Ivy

So he is fucking with me.

Lex Luthor

Ah! Steppenwolf's here! [Runs to him] Such an attention whore!

Poison Ivy

Gross.

Lex Luthor

God love him! Steppenwolf! Remember last year?! Wolfpack! [Steppenwolf's monster hound mauls a man's arm]

[To monster hound] Sit! [All convention goers sit on floor]

Repulsive.

Poison Ivy

You know what? I'm gonna get some facetime with Stepphenwolf.

Poison Ivy

[Rappeling down a crater with Mark Zuckerberg rappeling alongside] Hey Zuckerberg! Have fun in the metaverse, dweeb! [Undoes his carabiner link sending him floating into space screaming with Steppenwolf laughing and giving thumbs up]

Poison Ivy

[Having coffee with Steppenwolf] I just wanna say I'm really flattered that you wanted to get java with me.

You're the woman of the hour. I have unlimited resources. You have unlimited ideas. Let's collab- [chokes and coughs with his monster hound mauling a man sitting with Poison indifferent] excuse me, -orate.