Claudia (to Lily): Friends don't let friends drive naked!
S1Like a Virgin
Sean (to Lily): You just sexually harassed a waiter with your mom! How cool is that?
Eddie, where the hell did you get 150 dollars cash?
I don't ask you where you get your money.
I got a job.
I didn't ask.
S1Devil's Haircut
(to Eddie about the No Doubt tickets) How did you get them?
I know a guy.
You always know a guy. How many guys do you know?
I know about 75 guys.
Eddie got me 4 tickets to the No Doubt concert.
Oh, that's great.
No, you don't understand. It's amazing! It's totally sold out and it's in a tiny club. It'll be like they're in our house.
That is amazing!
No, you don't understand. It's incredible. It's a benefit concert, only 300 people will be there, and me & my friends will be 4 of them.
It's incredible!
No! It's genius!
I know!
Oh forget it, you'll never understand.
S1Eddie's Dead
Sean (to Eddie): It's hard to find people like that, people who like you.
Yeah, she's one in a million. I have to get rid of her.
(about Eddie fabricating his death) Wait, was this about four months ago?
Uh-huh.
Cause people kept coming up to me and saying they felt sorry for me, but I thought they just meant in general.
S1Catch Us If You Can
(While Sean, Eddie, Jimmy & Henry are running from an angry mob)
I can't keep running, Dad!
You've got to!
I just got hit with a snow cone!
We're all gonna die!
I hate snow cones!
Claudia (to Walt): Walt, what are you eating?
Fruit Roll-up. They're not bad.
Those are edible panties.
What? Oh dear God! I've got to go to church. (leaves the house)
S1Jimmy's Got a Gun
Eddie (to Lily): Uniforms are a major thing for guys.
Oh, great. The only uniform I get to wear is a Catholic school uniform. What guys is gonna like that?
Officer (to Eddie): Aren't you that guy?
No, it wasn't me.
OOfficer
You look just like---
I got that kinda face! I look like a lot of people who aren't me.
S1Jimmy Was Kung-Fu Fighting
Lily (explaining why she got her tongue pierced): They were making fun of me. I had to make myself cool again.
Well, why stop with your tongue? Put a bolt through your neck, you'll be queen of the prom.
Sean (to Henry): Hey buddy, we had a rule in this house, okay? We don't eat from the garbage.
You never told me about that.
We-we didn't think we had to, honey. It's-it's like drinking out of the toilet.
Oh, great. Another rule.
S1Loser
Hey, Reynolds! Do you know what the T in T-Birds stands for?... THE LOSER!!! HA!
S1Mrs. Finnerty, You've Got a Lovely Daughter
Claudia (about Lily): What can you do to cheer her up?
I'm gonna take a section of an orange peel, put it in my mouth, and act like a monster.
No thanks.
It makes all my friends laugh.
Your friends are all baked.
That doesn't mean they're not a deserving audience!
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