Jimmy Bender quotes from Greg the Bunny

Jimmy

Dude, you were crying?

Oh, you're one to talk! You bawl like a baby every time you watch Rudy!

Jimmy

Yeah, because he's so little, but he tries so big...

Jimmy

Hey, there he goes. He's pulling in to that scuzzy motel.

Oh, wow. I am having total deja vu. Oh, that's right -- I bring whores here.

Alright, men, let's get a weapons check.

Jack

I got a wrench.

I got a rope.

Blah

I got a candlestick.

Jimmy

Guys, we're going to beat up Leo, not play Clue.

Oh, this doesn't seem like a very respectful funeral. Look what they've done to Rochester.

Jimmy

Well, Greg, when some people die, it's a time to be sad. You know, but when others die, like the Irish or really evil people, it's a time to celebrate.

Jimmy

Hi, Susan. Looking good.

H-H-Hi, Jimmy.

Jimmy

You smell nice. What's that scent you're wearing?

Scotchguard.

Alison

Are you okay?

Jimmy

Oh, yeah, it's nothing. It's something I got playing rugby.

Alison

You play rugby?

Jimmy

Yeah. Don't let my height or... weight or... build or... delicate features fool you.

Oh, sorry, Jimmy. I was having that nightmare again.

Jimmy

What, the "buried alive" nightmare?

Yeah. This time, they were singing some happy song, and then all of a sudden, it got dark and unpleasant, like an Andrew Lloyd Weber musical.

Alison

Oh, hey! Yay! Look who's here! Everybody, this is Laura Carlson from TV Guide.

Jimmy

Oh, wow. I hope she's as easy as their crossword puzzles.

No kidding. I would like to see a magician try to pull me out of her.

Jimmy

You never tell me anything.

I tell you things! Like when grandma had a stroke --

Jimmy

Grandma had a stroke!?

Yes, but don't worry - she can still criticise my every decision with the left side of her body.

Jimmy

I don't know if this is going to work.

Dude, it's time travel. How hard could it be? If I'm successful, I will go back to 1988 and stop them from making Back to the Future 3.

Why is there so much wrong and so little right? Where have the saints gone marching tonight? What won't you do for the almighty buck?

Jimmy

Is it just me, or does this thing suck?

So, apparently, poor Blah has been visiting his wife's grave every day for, like, six years.

Jimmy

Well, in all fairness, it's not like she can go to his place.

Dottie

My uncle, Dan, was a romantic like this. He used to visit the spot where my aunt was buried all the time. That's how the FBI finally found the body.

Jimmy

Charlie Sheen creepy, or Charlie Manson creepy?

Alison

It was, like, your own brand of creepy.

Jimmy

Wait a minute. Don't--don't tell me that you really go for that... big, dumb, good-looking, you know, working-out, hair-brushing, shaving--

Alison

What, have you, like, watched too many sitcoms where the--the quirky underdog who steals the heart of the unattainable woman? This is the real world, my friend.

You and Dottie last night. What happened in the bedroom?

Oh! Oh, well, uh, we bounced around a lot. So much in fact, we broke her bed. And--and then she banged me up against the wall.

Blah

Mazel tov, blah.

Jimmy

Uh... so just to be perfectly clear, you actually nailed her?

Yeah, I did. You know, I pulled out my little gun, and I nailed her, like, five times.

Blah

Uh, okay. Too much information, blah.

Eh, what's the big deal? I do it to Jimmy all the time.

Blah

Ah, looks like our little bunny is now a rabbit, blah.

Gil

Oh, come on. He's not like you guys. He's--he's pure, he's innocent.

Jimmy

They just pulled in together.

Gil

She schtupped him.