Jimmy Bender quotes from Greg the Bunny

But I'm not cool.

Jimmy

Well, then just act like somebody cool. Who's the coolest guy you know?

Abe Lincoln.

Jimmy

That's a great idea, Greg. You get a top hat, you go over to Dottie's house, and then you free the slaves.

Come on, they'd never fire Oscar.

Jimmy

No, I read all about it. His shrink put him on Prozac. He stopped being a grouch.

Jimmy

Jack's never gonna find out.

Yeah, well, if he does, I'm leaving you my foot for good luck.

I have to go to the bathroom.

Gil

Jimmy, why don't you go with him and make sure he doesn't fall in again.

Jimmy

Yeah, that's exactly what I got my Ph.D. for.

Gil

GED. Hey, I'm not some hot chick you're trying to impress at Bennigan's.

Jimmy

Corey Feldman--oh, you mean this was a setup?

No, no, no. I really am a horny, Catholic schoolgirl who just happened to be skinny dipping in your pool on my 18th birthday.

Jimmy

Once again, betrayed by porn.

Jimmy

No, I'm just trying to explain--

Gil

No, no, no, you're not listening. I don't care. Here's what I do care about. Tapes getting to places. Lunches getting to people. Complainers getting back to work. Delivering the tapes and the lunches to the people and the places. See? That's your job. You're the gofer.

Gopher? I thought I was the gopher? Are we getting a new gopher? Oh, God. I have to call my agent. I just bought a Porsche.

Jimmy

You know, as fun as that sounds, Warren, I don't have a car.

Alright, I tell you what. Um, if you're careful, you can take my Mercedes, Betsy.

Jimmy

You named your car?

Yes, in tribute to the woman with whom I lost my virginity. And, as I recall, I also paid too much for her.

Alison

Jim. Jim, walk with me. Guess what my colleagues back at the network thought of today's script?

Jimmy

What?

Alison

Nothing. They didn't get it.

Jimmy

Well, you do need to know the whole alphabet to understand the jokes.

Jimmy

Hey, that's Corey Haim.

Corey Feldman

Corey Feldman!

Jimmy

What did I say?