Greg the Bunny quotes from Greg the Bunny

Oh, sorry, Jimmy. I was having that nightmare again.

Jimmy

What, the "buried alive" nightmare?

Yeah. This time, they were singing some happy song, and then all of a sudden, it got dark and unpleasant, like an Andrew Lloyd Weber musical.

Jack

[singing] Many things are good to take, like a swim out on the lake.

Blah

[singing] Take a walk or take a hike. Take a ride on your new bike, blah.

Dottie

[singing] Take a train to New Orleans.

Jack

[singing] Take a look at my blue jeans.

[singing] Take my temperature when I'm sickly.

[singing] Relax, this will be over quickly.

Dottie

[singing] But never take what isn't yours in your grubby, little paws.

Jack

[singing] Greg, isn't that what you have done?

[singing] Come on, guys, this isn't fun.

Dottie

[singing] Taking something causing grief.

[singing] Admit it, Greg, you are a thief. Admit it, admit it, admit it, admit it, admit it, admit it...

Why the hell are you wearing a dress?

Jack

Hmm? Oh, this. Yeah, huh, funny story there. Hank Thompson -- guy at my gun club -- starts shooting way better than he usually does. So I ask him what his secret is. Ladies underpants, he says. It relaxes him, slows his heartbeat, which steadies his aim. So I tried it, and I started shooting a lot better. So I added skirt, wig, makeup, some pumps -- next thing you know, I'm top marksman at my gun club. Oh, and you know what else? Works for bowling, too.

That's weird. They never let me wear my own shoes when I'm bowling.

Gil

Yeah. That's the weird part.

Alison

Jack, the woman from TV Guide is here.

Jack

Oh, no, you're kidding. This is so embarrassing... Look at this place -- it's a mess!

Yes, well, perhaps you'd like to slip into a French maid's outfit and tidy up a bit.

Alison

Oh, hey! Yay! Look who's here! Everybody, this is Laura Carlson from TV Guide.

Jimmy

Oh, wow. I hope she's as easy as their crossword puzzles.

No kidding. I would like to see a magician try to pull me out of her.

Jimmy

I don't know if this is going to work.

Dude, it's time travel. How hard could it be? If I'm successful, I will go back to 1988 and stop them from making Back to the Future 3.

Alright, listen. Uh, sometimes when people drink a little too much, they tend to... hallucinate.

Yeah, they also tend to urinate, which is what I saw you doing last night.

You know, you made her cry, man. You hurt her feelings.

Oh, please. She is a network robot, okay? They didn't program her model with feelings.

So, apparently, poor Blah has been visiting his wife's grave every day for, like, six years.

Jimmy

Well, in all fairness, it's not like she can go to his place.

Dottie

My uncle, Dan, was a romantic like this. He used to visit the spot where my aunt was buried all the time. That's how the FBI finally found the body.

Dottie

Oh, Greggy. I can't believe you stood up and defended my honor like that. No man has ever, ever done that for me before. It was so... masculine.

Hey, looks like I could use a little fabric softener.

You and Dottie last night. What happened in the bedroom?

Oh! Oh, well, uh, we bounced around a lot. So much in fact, we broke her bed. And--and then she banged me up against the wall.

Blah

Mazel tov, blah.

Jimmy

Uh... so just to be perfectly clear, you actually nailed her?

Yeah, I did. You know, I pulled out my little gun, and I nailed her, like, five times.

Blah

Uh, okay. Too much information, blah.

Eh, what's the big deal? I do it to Jimmy all the time.

But I'm not cool.

Jimmy

Well, then just act like somebody cool. Who's the coolest guy you know?

Abe Lincoln.

Jimmy

That's a great idea, Greg. You get a top hat, you go over to Dottie's house, and then you free the slaves.

Come on, they'd never fire Oscar.

Jimmy

No, I read all about it. His shrink put him on Prozac. He stopped being a grouch.

Well, what have you got against puppets?

Jack

You love your momma, Greg?

Uh, you're not gonna hurt her if I say yes, are you?

Jimmy

Jack's never gonna find out.

Yeah, well, if he does, I'm leaving you my foot for good luck.

Yeah, well, I'm telling you, that second-rate PBS hack doesn't even eat the cookies, OK? They just crumble up and fall right out of his mouth.

Mmm, first sign of bulimia.

Dottie

You know what I heard? I heard that Bert and Ernie are actually straight.