TV show quotes
Now that was legit fun.
[sighs] It was. [gives E.B. a bruckle] Here, go get some fabric candy. Get a little bit of everything. Cotton, nylon, flannel, maybe even the poly rayon blend.
By myself?
Mm-hmm. But I’ll be watching you the whole time.
It’s good to have you back.
I love your hair. Hello.
[Michellee crosses her arms]
I probably should’ve led with “hello”.
[takes her hat back and puts it on] So you work at the carnival now? Because I thought you were Guy, the exploding inventor. No, wait. Oh, no, no, no. It’s Guy, the Paint Watcher, am I right? No, no, wait a second. No, I forgot. You’re Guy, the wild animal smuggler. Is your name even really Guy?
Yes. My name is...
Randy! [Guy turns around] You’re fired! You and that Dave made a mess of everything!
Randy? What kind of a con artist are you anyway?
[Guy bursts out laughing, Michellee gets irritated, and Guy takes the tickling fish off of him]
Sorry. That’s a tickling fish. Long story. [sigh] The truth is... Well, all of it’s true. I was an inventor, and... and now I really do want to be a Paint Watcher. I’m not a felon. I swear. I... I jaywalked once, but... I’m just trying to ensure that poor animal is safe.
[Sam screams]
The animal is not safe!
Goodbye, Randy.
Welcome to Shvizelton jail. Enjoy your stay. Oh, and you're entitled to one call.
Okay, one call.
[Sam goes to the window and yells out of it]
GUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUYYYYY!
And who might you be?
It's me, Guy. With a mustache.
Nice to meet you, guy with a mustache. I'm Sam with a jail hat.
Guess what they serve here! Green eggs and ham. Try some?
Ugh, no!
They're surprisingly good with a mouse.
I will not eat them with a mouse. I'm fine with oat mush.
I don't want to eat them with you either, you filthy son of a-
[The scene cuts back to Sam and Guy's perspective, where all we hear is squeaking]
So, what’s the plan?
Plan? I don’t have a plan.
But the thing where you were like, “Ho, ho, ho! Ha, ha, ha!” And I was like, “Ah, ha, ha, ha.”
[laughs] Oh, yeah. [laughs] That was funny. Good times.
You said you had a plan. Two-man job. Do you remember that?
[chuckles] Yeah, two-man jobs are way more fun than one. But no plan. Any ideas?
[groans] I was free. Jenkins and I would’ve been halfway to Meepville by now. But no, I had to turn around and save you. What was I thinking?
[giggles] Yeah, what were you thinking?
What's the word on the street about the Chickeraffe Bandits?
Oh, no. Here in South Shvizelton, we don't like to gossip.
How about in North Shvizelton?
[She grabs the citizen by the shoulders and places him in North Shvizleton. His expression changes from complacent to nasty]
They caught one of those Chickeraffe boys. Got him locked up in jail. Also, my neighbor Phyllis says her fruit loaf is homemade, but it's really store-bought.
[catching up to Sam on the tower] I'm sorry, but I really do need to arrest you now. Did you find your friends?
[heaving a heavy sigh] No. I lost them.
[sympathetically] Oh. [kneels down and hugs Sam] May I arrest you now?
[has been defeated] Yeah. You're a really good hugger.
I told you not to do anything!
That's what made me want to do something.
[Guy and E.B. are fleeing the giroosters]
You must have done something cool in your really long life.
Not me! My inventions always blow up... (A girooster chomps at E.B. Who is running) ...your mom hates me.... (He continues running) ...and I'm an aspiring Paint Watcher! [slips, stumbles and continues running] See? They are better than me!
Oh, there IS no way You're never gonna impress them with that dangerous attitu- [a girooster grabs her from behind] Uh-oh! Um, help?
[The other giroosters stop chasing Guy and head over to E.B.]
No, here, here! Over here! [the giroosters don't listen] Chew me! Chew me! I'm the least impressive! [the other giroosters snap at E.B., but the one holding her makes it known that she's his alone and the giroosters fight over which one to get to chew first as E.B. Keeps screaming to overcome her fear] Oh-h-h, what gives you the right to judge us anyways? I mean, look at you! [the girooster holding E.B. Who is crying turns his attention to Guy] You haven't even evolved as a species, and you think you're better than us? [the other giroosters start looking at Guy as well] You still live in a shabby nest made of mud and leaves, give people rashes, making them itch, and, phew, who knows what else. And I mean, you seem to have a... a remedial semblance of a social order, but you're hardly civilized. I mean, have you even developed an alphabet?
[The middle girooster's mohawk flops back into a shaggy mane]
(Gulps to overcome her fear) Keep doing that!
[The giroosters growl at her to shut up]
[perplexed] Keep doing what?
Whatever that is, keep doing it! Whoa!
[Guy ponders what E.B. just said. The giroosters, holding E.B., close in on her so slowly. Finally it dawns on Guy that she wants him to complain more]
[to the giroosters] Seriously, what have you done with your lives?! [and... ...BANG! the giroosters flanking the one holding E.B. turn away suddenly before they can take one big bite of E.B.] I mean... ...Huh... ..I hear you're decent bubble blowers. Huh?... (The giroosters brighten up and E.B. Feels a confused bit) ...But honestly, guys... (He gives a giroosters a evil smirk) ..blowing bubbles is no big whoop... [the giroosters all cringe] ..I'd treat her nicely if I were you.....
[The giroosters cringe further]
[to the giroosters] Hi.
[to the giroosters] ...She's the smartest kid I know. A wizard of manipulation....
[E.B., flattered by Guy's comment, gives the giroosters a knowing smirk]
...And completely self motivated. All the ingredients for a bright, successful future, if channeled properly.... ...or else....
Well! That was looking pretty dangerous to me!
[The giroosters let go of E.B.]
Hand over the beans.
Whatever you do, don't spill the beans to Michellee.
I thought you said you launched the beans out the ceiling?
It's an expression.
[even more confused] 'I launched the beans out the ceiling'. I'm gonna have to learn more expressions.
They’re not bad people. Can’t we just let them in until it stops raining? They could catch cold.
Our bodies are 78% water, Elanabeth. A few more drops won’t hurt.
Come on! We were having so much fun back the carnival. Can’t you trust me on this one?
I trust you, E.B., but I’ll never trust that Guy again.
[Meanwhile, outside in the rain]
There's no way she'll ever trust me again. [To Sam-I-am] I never should have listened to you!
You really should try them in the rain.
Seriously?
The precipitation creates a sort of natural gravy that's literally mouthwatering.
That's a mini lightning rod! You'll zap us for sure.
Oh, IWB, inclement weather buddy, don't be so dramatic. It's totally safe-[ZAP!] ... [eats the burned food] Extra crispy.
I know I’m not your favorite person right now, or the other day at the carnival, or when we involved you in that dangerous train chase. The point is, we won’t be any trouble, and we’ll be out of your fur by morning.
I will be keeping my eye on you, Randy.
Don’t let her out of your sight.
[chuckles] I’m an aspiring Paint Watcher. These eyes don’t shut.
Yeah, that’s my best friend. Always ready to lend a helping hand or two.
Didn’t you guys just meet?
[jumps on the sofa] And didn’t you guys just meet? Think about it.
Um, maybe I’ll go check on him.
No, stay! Let’s make some dinner.
Oh, okay. Wh... What sort of thing you like to eat?
Excellent question. Green eggs and ham. It’s the dish that cannot mish.
I’m vegan.
Oh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize. How long have you known?
No, no, I’m not ill. I just don’t eat things like eggs and ham. But we can make a vegan version of your favorite meal.
Uh...
Come on. How do you know you won’t like it if you never tried it?
I like the way you think. Let’s give it a whirl!
I have to find those beans. My mom was starting to trust me, and I don’t wanna mess that up.
No beans. We need to get back safely. Your mom finally let me in and... Well, I don’t wanna mess that up.
Let you in?
Yeah [stammers] Into the cabin.
Wait a minute. You like my mom!
No. No, I don’t.
You do! You totally have a crush on her.
Fine! Maybe I got a little one, but she hates me. I really need your help here.
[scoffs] And you’ve been using me to get in good with her.
[stammering] It wasn’t even my idea.
You are so messed up!
Please don’t blow this for me.
Well, if you want my mom to like you, you have to do what I say. I’m the gatekeeper.
[sighs] Fine, you’re the gatekeeper
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Green Eggs and Ham pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
