TV show quotes
[to Mr. Jenkins] Sorry, big fella. It's just you and me now, and I am perfectly happy raising you as a strong, single Sam. We don't need a Guy to take care of us.
[Guy bursts into their cabin after an escape from the BADGUYS and Sam throws himself at his feet]
Oh, thank goodness you're back! I missed you so much. I've been a total wreck.
[to Mr. Jenkins] I'm not your papa.
[He watches a rainbow - literally tied in a bow]
But Sam, he's... he's a bumbling fool, and you need someone to look after you. So, hmm, perhaps, maybe I'll stay a while. You know, just until I know you're safe.
[Mr. Jenkins chirps happily. Guy reaches out and pets him]
Guy Jr.
Let’s go, young lady. We’re going straight to the Think About What You’ve Done car, where you can think about what you’ve done all the way to Meepville.
Honey, I don’t need you to punish yourself. I just need you to think before you run off like that.
But Mr. Jenkins could have gotten hurt.
You could have gotten hurt. Please, don’t ever scare me like that ever again.
Hey there Sandra.
Oh, hey, Michael.
I brought you a present. [opens the box] The ones with the caraway center are my favorites.
[sighs] I don’t want them. Give ‘em to Terrence.
Okay. [gives them to Terrence and eats them]
What’s with the tie?
It’s for our date tonight. I was thinking ice skating. Maybe a little smooth jazz.
It’s a hard pass, Michael.
Michael... I like smooth jazz.
Not now, Terrence. Just one date, please. I think that you’re the sweetest, smartest, greenest hen in the whole world!
You’re a fox. You eat eggs.
[stammers] Not anymore. I haven’t touched an egg in a month. I’m on this cleanse now where all I eat is worms, corn and mud, and I feel amazing! I’ve changed, Sandra. I’m a new fox.
Maybe. But you’re still a fox.
Guy wouldn't admit it, but he did need some hope. And a hope man is helpful, even if he's a dope.
You're in luck next time you're stuck in a pit of doom, Guy.
Because I know how to build one of these?
Nah. 'Cause you gotta have your origin story to tell.
[Sam has accidentally extinguished their campfire]
How about I make it up to you with a bite of these green eggs and ham?
No, thank you.
Are you sure? They're really good in the dark. The lack of sight truly heightens your other senses. [chews on them loudly] Mmm! Mmm! Those just sound delicious.
I would not like them in the dark.
Stupid, stupid, stupid! I’ve recently committed myself to an eggless existence, but it is not easy. I mean, they’re really good.
I hear that.
And if Sandra knew I took the...
Oh, right. Your chick.
Sandra is no one’s chick! She’s very much her own hen, and I respect that.
From one feminist to another, that’s very admirable. So, we’ll just leave these ties and show ourselves out.
Keep the ties. Just promise you won’t say a word to anyone about my one moment of weakness.
One moment? [yelps]
Our lips are sealed.
Yes. We swear we will not tell Sandra.
Sandra! She could never hear about this! Because if she did, [retracts his claws] I don’t know what I’ll do.
Relax. There’s no way Sandra will...
Sandra!
Would you please stop saying...
Were you gonna say “Sandra”?
Sandra! She makes waking up in the morning worth it! Sandra!
Let’s get out of here!
Oh... [chuckles] It’s very pretty.
You think?
I super think. Such a beautiful landscape.
[sighs] It’s not a landscape. It’s a Chickeraffe.
Oh. Oh, sure is. I see it now. I especially like how you drew his little foot right there, tearing out that guy’s eyeballs.
That’s his nose. And he’s snuzzling me. How many times do I have to tell you? They’re not dangerous. [sighs] It doesn’t matter. I’m not even allowed to have a panda, let alone Mr. Jenkins. [crumbles up the drawing and throws it on the floor.]
[picks up the drawing] Why don’t you let me help you with this? You know, your mom, well, she used to be quite a good artist back in the day.
No, thanks. I’ll just watch grass grow.
Unbelievable. Your stupid hat idea actually worked.
Y'know, red is really your color.
But we’re still wanted men, and you spent all our money.
It’ll be fine, Guy. Things always work out in the end.
Oh, yeah, for you. You do whatever you want, and everything always turns your way. Even your police sketch! Looks amazing!
Thank you.
Tell me, how does it feel to be so yipping lucky?
You sir, are about to find out.
Green eggs and ham on a stick? Bestest carnival food ever. Wanna try? They’re really good in a box.
No, I will not eat them in a box. Wait a minute. How did you pay for them?
I didn’t. I struck up a conversation with the vendor, and he gave them to me for free.
[chuckling] Why wouldn’t they be free? Stuff always turns out fine for Sam. You do wrong and win. I do right, and it all blows up in my face! When her hat landed in my hands, I really thought your luck rubbed off on me. That I received some of that special Sam I-Am mojo. But what happens to me? I end up doused, and soused, and fished, and flattened. And when I try to be honest, suddenly I'm Randy.
[Sam solemnly puts a hand on Guy's knee]
I thought you were Dave.
Never mind! I'm through with you. [burrows himself in the packing foam]
Genu-ine con-vict!
They’ve got us pegged. We need disguises. [switches hats] Boop!
Switching hats is not a disguise.
Oh, please! Who wants to go to a carnival?
I do. Because carnivals are fun, and there’s one right across the road. But you’re ignoring it, because you have no idea what fun is. Because you’re no fun!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Green Eggs and Ham pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
