You idiot! Don't blame all of your problems on your shades! It's the same as tripping in the middle of the street and blaming the pebbles!
When you think about it, life seems longer when you're an old man! Scary!!
Hey old man, make him [Hasegawa] something his Mama would make.
OSOden stand owner
How should I know what it is?
When I say "something Mama would make", I meant some digestive biscuits! Ain't that obvious?
OSOden stand owner
What kind of mother's that?!
[boarding Hasegawa's taxi] You see that guy in the tuxedo? The one who seems to be looking down on people? Hit him with enough force not to kill him, please.
I'm so bored... Can you make the ride for free?
Stop joking around. I'm making a living off of this.
Whatever. Just take me past the horizon.
What are you, my bride?
[Hasegawa starts the car.]
So, how's the new job?
It was fine until you came around.
Not long before you were at the gates of death. Now you're looking way better.
Stop bothering me. Nothing's changed. I've got a new job, but no purpose in life. I still can't see anything ahead of me.
Well, ain't that the same for everyone? If you look for it persistently, soon you'll find it.
Nah, I don't think so. You and me are the only demotivated people in this anime.
[Hasegawa decides to turn back to get a doctor for a woman in labor.]
PHPrince Hata
You've got to be kidding me!!! First you tear off my lure, and now you want to return?! Are you serious?! I have to see a panda today, no matter what!!!
C'mon now, you'd rather see a panda than helping Earthl people out? A human baby's pretty cute, you know.
PHPrince Hata
What do I care?!? Why should I feel anything for a bunch of malnourished, rancid monkeys?! Why should I give a damn to what happens to one or two human babies? Just who do you think I am?!!
[grabbing the Prince by his face] Who do you think you are? You're just an agent.
You'd better stop. What do you think you're doing to the Prince, you bastard? [Gintoki glares at him.] I see, Your Highness. You'll be glad to see a panda, right? Now that I remember, there's one close by.
PHPrince Hata
Eh? Really? Where?
Just look in a mirror in the morning!!! [punches the Prince through the rear window.]
[Kagura and Hasegawa are sitting at the park again.]
Hey, mister. It's been a while since we've met. Why'd you come back?
Oh, it's because I was fired again.
Why were you fired again?
Well... I decided to follow my principles. But I'm not upset, 'cause even though I ain't of much use, I've decided to live my life the way I want.
What do you think you're doing, unemployed and joking around with a girl? [starts leaving.] C'mon, Sadaharu. See ya, old fart who lives the way he wants without getting anything [massugu ikitemo da inashi-na jinsei-na ossan]. Or madao, to shorten it.
[smirks, as Kagura leaves.] Somehow, that still doesn't quite sound good.
Father and son always share personality flaws.
I don't give a damn if you're the number one inventor in Edo. For all I've seen, all you do is scrap metal. It's time we from Kabuki-cho dealt with you. [blows smoke from her cigarette.] Alright boys, your turn now.
[Gintoki, Kagura and Shinpachi step in with a boombox and loudspeakers.]
[on a microphone, with heavy feedback] Well, first of all, I'm Shinpachi Shimura from Kabuki-cho. Pleased to meet you all.
[Gintoki and Kagura turn on the boombox. Otsuu's "Your Dad is an XX" plays loudly as Shinpachi sings along, off-key, making everyone cover their ears.]
Enough! Make him shut up for God's sake! Why the hell is he so noisy?! It feels like our noses are ringing!
The best way to stop a bothersome guy is by outbothering him! If someone is never defeated, then he'll never understand others' pain!
It's you who don't understand it! My eardrums are about to explode!!!
What are you talking about?! It's Shinpachi who's suffering the most here! He's the one who has to sing and show the world how tone-deaf he is!
Hey, Saburo! Stop wasting time and throw them outta here!
[holding Gintoki by the head] Understood.
Whaaa? Uh-uh-hey, wai--
[The robot throws Gintoki at Hiraga.]
One cup of tea, please.
Understood.
Saburo! Why are you obeying him?! Get me outta here!
Hey, these things you make are actually pretty useful, old man. Can I have one of these walking trashcans? [Saburo pours hot tea on Gintoki's head.] Ouch! That hurts!!
[laughing] Serves you right! Saburo can only understand a few words. And he'll attack whoever insults or attacks him. [to Saburo] Well! Now that you've learned, untie me now! Make it quick, you pile of junk! [Saburo punches him.]
Since the Shogun appears so rarely, I've been requested by the Shogunate to make a presentation with my robots. What'll I do? If I don't have it ready in time, I'll have to commit seppuku!
That reminds me, we left some curry cooking at home. [he, Shinpachi and Kagura run away carrying one of Saburo's arms]
[briefing the Shinsengumi] If you see anyone who looks suspicious, don't hesitate in arresting him. I will assume all responsibility.
Really? Well then, if I see a samurai, I'll kill him, and you'll assume the responsibility.
Well, everyone, forget what I just said.
[At a shooting gallery.]
So, you'll give me anything I can shoot at?
Yeah, if you can hit it! Aim carefully...
[Kagura shoots Hasegawa's sunglasses out of his face.]
Gimme the shades, old fart.
You got it all wrong! You're supposed to aim at these things right-- [gets his watch shot.]
[brandishing another rifle.] Give me the watch. [stares at Kagura.]
Heeey, wait a second! Hold on! I know I said I'd give you anything you'd hit, but not my own things! You hear?! [Kagura and Okita point at him and start shooting as Shinpachi watches.]
Got your beard!
Got your overcoat.
Got one of your nipples!
[Yamazaki hands Hijikata an oden box with most of it eaten.]
What the...
I was in a hurry, so I accidentally tripped and fell on my way. I am terribly sorry. I realize my carelessness.
Yeah? Well I think that sauce around your mouth was even more careless.
[Yamazaki tries to run away, but Hijikata beats him up.]
So, this was all your doing, Takasugi.
TTakasugi
My doing? Don't make me laugh. I just saw what he wanted and offered a hand. I know of his suffering. After all, the dark beast of revenge lies within me too. "Let's avenge our comrades!", "let's give the enemy a taste of our suffering!", "let's kill them!", "let's kill 'em all!"... These words keep ringing in my ears, nonstop. Can you hear them, Gintoki? ...No. I'm sure you can't. Someone like you, who left it all behind due to blissful indifference, could never understand it.
[Gintoki grabs Takasugi's blade, causing his hand to bleed.]
Takasugi, if you underestimate me, then you're in trouble. I, too, am breeding a beast.
TTakasugi
[thinking] I... can't move...
Not a dark one, but a white one. And its name... is Sadaharu! [throws a punch]
[dramatically] Oh no! My famous Kotetsu sword is broken! That cannot be!!! Toushi... My Kotetsu... Impossible!
Shut up! This is no time to talk about it!
But I'm still paying its benefits... It can't be!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Gin Tama pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.