Full House quotes

Danny

Sorry I’m late. I was doing a feature on “Great Moments in Bowling”, and I got hung up when I couldn’t find a second moment.

Lou, you fired.

Jesse

[on the phone with Michelle’s doctor]: Of course I know how to take her temperature. You simply put the thermometer under her ... [pause] Where? Joey, it’s for you.

Danny

Hold on, Steph, I'm gonna call the cable company.

Stephanie

You'll get a busy signal....fix it!

I love kids. That’s why I became a teacher.

Joey

It’s why I never grew up.

You seem pretty grown up to me.

Joey

Oh yeah, I’m the only guy in the world who has Abe Lincoln’s head on a stick.

Danny

Who wants white meat? (cuts the turkey) Scratch the white meat. We have dark meat and really dark meat.

Jesse

You waltz in here 25 minutes late and expect sympathy?

Danny

I didn't know...

Jesse

I have cleaned the house, and washed and ironed your clothes, and ran a daycare center for socially deviant munchkins, and missed Oprah. Ran this one to a ballet lesson, this one to a dentist. [shows D.J.'s teeth] No cavities, thank you very much. Do you realize I have slaved over a hot stove so you could have a hot meal when you come home?! Huh?! Hmm? Hmm? Hmm?

Danny

Jesse, I'm sorry.

Jesse

"Sorry". "Sorry". "Sorry" doesn't change the fact that my chicken tetrazzini is ruined! Ruined! It's all dried out. But do you have the common courtesy to call me and tell me you're going to be 25 minutes late?! NO! Well, I am not an animal. Oh, my God. What's happening to me? I'm turning into June Cleaver.

Danny

(To Michelle) What does Mr. Car say? You're right, he doesn't say anything, because he's dead.

Jesse

North American Silver-Footed Ferret, adult male, 2 1/2 pounds. I'd say from the echo, he's heading towards the garage.

Joey

How can you possibly know this?

Jesse

It's a gift.

Jesse

Now, I bet you're gettin' tired of all that strained baby food, now, I've got you a corned beef sandwich with a big fat kosher pickle, now what do you want on the side, potato salad or coleslaw? Just the pickle, okay? It's still warm.

Stephanie

[reads her script] "I love Oat Boats, because Stephanie takes heaping spoonful of cereal. They taste great. She takes a bite."

D.J.

Oh, I'm sorry. Go ahead. Rehearse.

Stephanie

[reads again] "I love Oat Boats, because Stephanie takes heaping spoon--"

Stephanie

[about Jesse] What a guy, huh?

Joey

Germs take one look at my body and say "Hey- why waste our time?"

Jesse

Women say the same thing.

Joey

I can't have chicken pox, I'm immune.

Jesse

You're immune to common sense.

Joey

I tried, and I failed. I'm just glad I figured this out now, and not when I'm 46.