Killface quotes from Frisky Dingo

[looking at Lamont's homemade "get well soob" card] Damn it, Lamont, what did I say about the macaroni?!

I want to meet this hobbit of yours--Bobo T. Baggins. [pause] Oh my God, I just got that! I think I'm gonna throw up!

Son of a filthy, fat-titted whore! (Simon mumbles) Oh, piss on the swear jar!

All right, robots, make 'em clatter. (Deceptacles do nothing) Means drop your weapons.

And we're happy with this background?

It's not too Leno-y?

[enraged] If you want to be Leno-y, we can have you come down here, and you can do high fives! We could put a wig with a gray streak in your face! We can have you read off cuecards! We'll put Kevin Eubanks over there on guitar! [calms down] I shouldn't have said that.

That was my twin brother!

[points the gun at the other two] I want it to be perfect.

There's your twenty billion, Brent! Drink it in! The fusion chamber alone cost nine billion. The thrusters another four! You think there's just heaps of money left over for - WHAT DID YOU CALL IT?

Uh [clears throat] Media Buy.

MEDIA BUY!?!

Please don't kill us!

Please don't make it so appealing!

[sighs] You see, Brent? We all have jobs to do.

Great, there goes my pen! Great!

My job is to complete the Annihilatrix and destroy mankind by driving this vile planet straight into the Sun [Brent interrupts].

Wait! I have another idea! Listen...

And your job is to market it.

Listen! No listen! We can get... Jason Alexander!

Great!

Yeah!

You can call him when you hit the ground!

Nooo! Wait, wait! I got another idea! Better than Jason Alexander! I got, uh...

Don't say David Arquette to me!

I wo... well now that you say that I'm not going to.

...Any standard DVD player.

Or any uhh... "PC", it says here?

Yes, any Personal Computer with DVD capabiliti-

GREAT SCOTT!!

[Screams out in panic]

What?

[Laughs], "PC"...

What?

...Stands for "Personal Computer"... I just this moment got that... VALERIE!!!

[Screams in panic again]

It's alright if you want to laugh.

[Nervous laugh]

Good girl.

[to Killface] You fucking kidnap us, right, you drag us up here, ya shit on every strategy we come up with - and by the way, that web promotion was tiiiiiight, but the bottom line is, you don't have the fucking budget to run with the big dogs! Now, do you! (begins making barking noises).

[scoffs] Are you finished?

Yeah. Yeah, I'm sorry

Look, Trent. I've made you a playmate. Say "Hello". Good lad.

If he always throws his food on the floor, how is he so fat?

[gasps and runs off]

No, son... [to Sinn] Now look what you've done!

Sire, I'm sorry

Apologize to his self-esteem! Now we've talked about the chubby cycle. One snarky comment like that and he's back in the cupboard. And he was doing so well. Three pounds this week.

Yes sire.

Shut up. Just shut up and eat the cereal.

It's got glass in it.

Why does it say "Welcome to you're 'Doom!'"? What does that even mean, and why, for God's sakes, is "Doom!" in quotes?

I don't know.

Is this some sort of ironic doom? Is the wink implied?

No, I don't know.

No, it isn't. So please tell me how and why I'm suddenly a laughingstock!

Uh...'cause you signed off on the proofs?

[on climbing machine] ...then find me that printer so I can cut his arms off.

But you signed off on...

Mention those proofs again and just see what happens, Valerie.

Look, bad grammar aside, forty million people just saw your postcard.

[stopping exercise] Bugger me! They pull those numbers?

It's the highest-rated daytime show ever.

Ugh, I hate America.

[leading] And their booker owes me a favor.

No, she doesn't. Valerie, if you could get me on Live With Mitzi and Verl, I'd...I'd want two segments--not the one after Verl monologue, that's garbage time--but the next two, after the break. Valerie, you get me on there, you just name your reward.

I'd like for you to let me go.

[resuming exercise] Well, you know...except for that.

Big guy, how much ya bench?

I don't know, really...

I bet you do 240.

Actually, it's closer to 900.

900 pounds this guy...

No, no, sorry that's kilos.

Everybody look under your seats!

Stop it! [silence] First of all, Oprah already gave her audience cars...

Not the new Scion tC, she didn't!

...and didn't waste one segment clucking like a goose about that damn ring--and I hope you know a good appraiser, because if that's not paste, I'll eat my hat. [Mitzi gasps] Now my last segment has fallen victim to "Scion fever."

Because we love the new Scion tC!

Shut up! There's a clear line between entertainment and advertising, and you've bloody well crossed it.

Those 18-24's that you're so keen on detest being pitched to, and when I destroy the world, they won't have much use for 17-inch alloy wheels, so...no, no, turn that off there. Stop it. I won't be your pitchman. You hear me. [Walking off; petulant] You're all doomed.

Doomed to enjoy the new Scion tC!

What a colossal waste of time, and I defy this day to get any worse.

[out of shot] Hey, there goes the new Scion tC!

Dude, that is tight!

I hate this country.

[driving by in Scion tC, splashing puddle all over Killface] Scion tC! Scion tC!

Son-of-a-whore! Yes, have fun driving your new Scion tC around on the sun!