Roz Doyle quotes from Frasier

Frasier

Morning, Roz!

Roz

[annoyed] Frasier! What are you doing here?

Frasier

Oh, I realize it must be a shock to see me here in this place I come to every day of my life.

Buenas noches. ¿Hablas español?

Roz

Uh, not really.

Is no matter. I'm sure you are schooled in the... international language.

Frasier

Yes, Roz. Say something amusing in Esperanto(!)

Roz

I think she left, I see her coat on the hatrack.

Niles

Wait... look closer, is the hatrack moving?

Roz

OH MY GOD!

Frasier

You didn't tell him you were pregnant before the date?

Roz

Well, it's not the easiest thing in the world to tell someone. Besides, I was hoping my radiant glow would do the talking for me.

Frasier

Your "glow." Oh please, Roz. Do you ever think that anyone... could miss your radiant glow?

Roz

So I tell him, and he says "Fine, it's not a problem." Five minutes later, he tells me his pager is vibrating. He has an emergency. He has to go to work.

Frasier

Well, maybe he was telling the truth.

Roz

He sells wicker furniture. Who needs their end tables re-caned at 9:30 at night?

Roz

I've been down this road so many times I call it “The Roz Expressway”.

Niles

I've heard that phrase before, but in a slightly different context.

Frasier

You signed with Bebe?

Roz

Okay, I know, I should've told you. I just wasn't in the mood for one of your lectures.

Frasier

I'm not going to give you a lecture. You're entitled to choose whomever you wish to represent you. Someone who's honest, or a woman whose ethics would've raised eyebrows in the court of Caligula!

Lilith

Excuse me. I'm looking for Frasier Crane. They told me he'd be here.

Roz

Lilith, it's me. Roz Doyle.

Lilith

Oh, yes, it's Frasier's fun-loving assistant...(notices she is pregnant) who's apparently had too much fun... loving.

Roz

I can't work with a guy that handsome... No offense.

Frasier

Oh, none taken. Granted, when it comes to the looks department, Dr. Webber and I aren't in the same—

Roz

Species?

Frasier

Well, I was going to say "league," but species is so much more insulting.

Gil

I must admit, I didn't notice he was all that handsome.

Roz

You didn't notice? You of all people?

Gil

Just what are you insinuating?

Roz

Well, you know... you're a little...

Gil

For your information, I happen to be a happily married man.

Frasier

You're... married?

Bulldog

To a woman?

Gil

Of course to a woman! Well, you've all heard me mention Deb. How many times have I said, "I must run along now, Deb will be waiting!"

Roz

We thought Deb was your cat.

Gil

She is not a cat! She is Mrs. Gilbert Leslie Chesterton, a Sarah Lawrence graduate, and the owner of a very successful auto body repair shop! Honestly, the conclusions people make just because a man dresses well, and knows how to use a pastry bag! [exits in a huff]

Frasier

Well, that's the first time I've ever seen a man "in" himself.

Frasier

What is wrong with me? Why can't I find a single woman who's interested in me?

Roz

Those are two different questions, really, so we should just sit down and talk them both over. Oh, wait, I can't, BECAUSE I'M IN LABOR!

Roz

Frasier, it's all in how you look at things. Look at my life...

Frasier

[crying] No career, no relationship, no hope!

Roz

You can say the same thing about me.

Frasier

I was talking about you!

Niles

I'm not interrupting anything personal, am I?

Roz

[sarcastically] Yeah, Niles, we just eloped. I'm your new mom.

Niles

Well, I'll be a son of a bitch.

Roz

I'm impressed you're so good at charades.

Frasier

I'm impressed you could mime a virgin.

Roz

You mean, like, in forty years, if neither one of us finds anyone…

Frasier

Yeah, exactly, we'll marry each other.

Roz

I was gonna say kill each other.

Frasier

Six of one...

Niles

Obviously you've never let someone you've grown to care deeply about get away.

Roz

Well, sure I have.

Niles

I'm not talking about when the migrant workers leave at the end of the picking season.