A character in Frasier
Played by David Hyde Pierce
Frasier · 546 quotes
2nd most-quoted character in Frasier: in 235 of its 546 quotes
Most scenes with: Frasier Crane (131), Martin Crane (35), Daphne Moon (25)
NilesDaphne Moon, will you, and your beautiful toes and your exquisite ankles and your precious knees, elbows and arms and fingers, shoulders... [holds up the ring] Will you marry me?
Oh, Niles! Of course, I will.
Talk about a butt load of poetic justice.
NilesYes, I believe that is the basic unit of poetic justice.
Niles is trying to orchestrate a chance meeting between Frasier and Lisa in the bookshop, by sending his brother on errands
Good Heavens, Niles, what am I? Your lackey?
NilesNo, no, no. I'm just engrossed in this "Heroes of Nas-Car."
Niles encourages Frederick to leave with his dignity intact, but then John Clayton scornfully says he will probably end up in a state school
NilesHow DARE you! [to Frederick] Can you take him?
Yeah!
NilesThen spell his ass off!
[Frasier and Niles find a skull]
NilesMaybe it's a builder that got trapped, or an exterminator that was overcome with fumes.
Probable solutions, Niles. However, neither is possible.
NilesWhy not?
Because when you die, your head does not pop off like a champagne cork!
NilesI think this rock may be the murder weapon.
Why that rock instead of all the other rocks down there?
NilesIt's pointier.
Niles offers to pay for Daphne's father to fly back with him to Seattle
I can't have you buying me a first-class ticket to America!
Niles[pauses] I insist!
Harry is on the point of leaving to return home. Niles begs him to stay a little longer to spend time with Daphne
NilesI'll put you up in a hotel.
I can't let you buy me a suite in a five-star hotel!
NilesMr. Moon, I'm sorry I dragged you all the way to America.
Oh, it wasn't all that bad. I got to see Daphne. And that hotel was brilliant! The towels were so fluffy I could barely close me suitcase.
[Niles and Daphne have named their pet lovebirds after themselves]
NilesThis morning, when Daphne escaped, I just kept thinking, "What if she's hurt, or lost, or eaten by a cat?" Or worse: "What if she meets another bird who's more birdly than Niles but without the substance?"
Trust me: no one is more birdly than Niles.
[An angry driver waiting behind Frasier's car claims that only rich people can afford to behave the way he is doing]
My income, and the style of car which I drive, are irrelevant! Isn't that so, Niles?
NilesYes. [to the driver] I drive a Mercedes, and I would have paid ten minutes ago.
Niles has arrived at Frasier's apartment to find his wife doing housework for his brother and father
NilesAre you proud of yourselves?
We didn't ask her to do anything!
She offered!
NilesThen why is no one looking me in the eye?
[Jason’s parents call round to Niles's apartment to sort things out]
It seems our children have been feuding. We're very embarrassed.
NilesYou're embarrassed? Meet our daughter. [gestures to Gertrude]
Frasier is arguing with the surgeon about Niles's operation
Look, in my expert opinion, I'm doing what's best for this patient.
And my expert opinion says otherwise.
[calm, but annoyed] Well, if you're such an expert, maybe you should perform the surgery.
Maybe I will.
Niles[whining] Dad...
[sternly] Frasier, you're not operating on your brother.
NilesWhy do you have to make everything so difficult?
Excuse me, Niles, but I’ve got news for you: Copernicus called, and you are not the center of the universe!
Frasier CraneKelsey Grammer · 372 quotes
Martin CraneJohn Mahoney · 109 quotes
Daphne MoonJane Leeves · 77 quotes
Roz DoylePeri Gilpin · 75 quotes
Lilith SterninBebe Neuwirth · 12 quotes
BulldogDan Butler · 8 quotes
BebeHarriet Sansom Harris · 5 quotes
GilEdward Hibbert · 4 quotes
HarryBrian Cox · 4 quotes
KirbyBrian Klugman · 4 quotes
CharlotteLaura Linney · 3 quotes
CChelsea3 quotes
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Frasier pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
