A character in Frasier
Played by David Hyde Pierce
Frasier · 546 quotes
2nd most-quoted character in Frasier: in 235 of its 546 quotes
Most scenes with: Frasier Crane (131), Martin Crane (35), Daphne Moon (25)
Fraiser carries Niles to the the "Platinum" door
Niles! Healing warmth and light! It must be a magnificent solarium!
NilesGoodbye sweet and edible facials, hello radiant life-giving sun!
Frasier carries Niles through the "Platinum" door which then closes behind them. Beside them is a dumpster and piles of trash
NilesIt's beautiful, it's beautiful!
Yes! This is where we belong!
Well, I'm proud of you two. Squash may not be the toughest sport, but it's still technically a sport.
What? Squash can be pretty tough! (Martin scoffs) Oh, no, no, no, no. I once saw a guy break his leg in a mid-court collision. The bone was poking through his skin, and he still finished the point.
(surprised) That's the game you guys play?
Niles(fighting nausea) Hell, yeah!
[Frasier and Niles are in a bicycle shop]
Is there anything else we need?
NilesHmm, let me see. Oh yes, I know: we need to know how to ride them!
If a child of four can ride one, then so can we.
NilesThat's what we said when we were six!
Fraiser and Niles are try to act knowledgeable about bikes as another customer passes by
NilesCall me crazy, but I like a bouncy tire.
Two bouncy tires and a taut chain. That's good ridin'
The customer walks away
Niles Where did you learn all of that? That was really good!
It's all a matter of confidence, Niles.
[Niles learns of Frasier's new patient]
Very challenging case. The man has father issues, any number of neuroses and a phobia or two.
NilesSounds to me like you’ve hit the crackpot!
[Frasier tries to think of a solution to the shortage of caviar.]
What was the name of the boat...?
NilesHMS Bounty!
This isn’t Trivial Pursuit. Let me finish!
I almost feel sorry for her. Just another helpless woman suffering from an unslakeable thirst…
[unison] …for Crane.
[Niles and Daphne are discussing names for a baby]
NilesHow about Desmond?
Hmm. "Desmond Crane, you are hereby sentenced to..." No, I don't like it. What about Jack?
Niles'Fraid not. The first name ends with the same sound that begins the last name, so you either end up running them together — Jackrane — or you face the dreaded glottal stop. Jack—Crane. Jack—Crane. It's unpleasant for the throat.
This conversation’s unpleasant for the throat.
[Worn out by Alice's energetic games, Niles and Daphne place her in front of the TV.]
NilesShould we really be popping her in front of the tube?
It's an educational tape. Did you want to read her more Jung for Youngsters?
Daphne and Niles have just read the pregnancy test
NilesBut my slow sperm...
I must have fast eggs!
Niles is encouraging Frasier to commit to commitment. Despite the glib expression, he is inspired
I am going to call Julia, and I will not take "no" for an answer! I may have walked in here the old fault-finding, flaw-fleeing Flasier, but I leave a man committed to commitment!
Niles[grinning] You said Flasier.
I did not!
Alistair Burke has just appeared in Café Nervosa
He is only the head of the Seattle Opera Guild, and one of the finest directors in the world!
NilesHis productions are brilliant! He staged a Philip Glass opera last year and no one left.
[Niles is having a panic attack in the kitchen during the baby shower]
Calm down, Niles.
NilesI can’t! I’m telling her another lie every time I open my mouth!
Oh, get a grip on yourself, man! It’s called marriage!
NilesShouldn’t you get the door?
You’re closer.
NilesI don’t live here.
Doesn’t matter. You’re family.
NilesSo’s Daph…
[interrupts] Oh no, you don’t!
[from outside] Maybe if you slid me a key, I could let myself in.
[Niles has just announced his rebellious plans to Frasier]
What?!
NilesI’ve waited for this all my life, Frasier. One act of utter, devil-may-care, crotch-grabbing brazenness! And of course, I’ll have a nurse on speed-dial in case things get too hairy.
Frasier CraneKelsey Grammer · 372 quotes
Martin CraneJohn Mahoney · 109 quotes
Daphne MoonJane Leeves · 77 quotes
Roz DoylePeri Gilpin · 75 quotes
Lilith SterninBebe Neuwirth · 12 quotes
BulldogDan Butler · 8 quotes
BebeHarriet Sansom Harris · 5 quotes
GilEdward Hibbert · 4 quotes
HarryBrian Cox · 4 quotes
KirbyBrian Klugman · 4 quotes
CharlotteLaura Linney · 3 quotes
CChelsea3 quotes
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Frasier pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.