Kaylee Frye quotes from Firefly

Wash

I think they captured him, though. Captured his essence.

Kaylee

He looks sorta angry, don't he?

Wash

That's kinda what I meant.

Jayne

Hey, I got an idea. Instead of us hanging around playing art critic till I get pinched by the Man, how's about we move away from this eerie-ass piece of work and get on with our 'creasingly eerie-ass day, how's that?

Mal

I don't know. This here's a spectacle that might warrant a moment's consideration.

Kaylee

[shifting back and forth] Wherever I move to, his eyes keep... followin' me.

Simon

I— I reattached a girl's leg. Her whole leg. She named her hamster after me. I got a hamster. He drops a box of money, he gets a town.

Kaylee

Hamsters is nice.

Simon

To Jayne! The box-dropping, man-ape-gone-wrong-thing.

Simon

I mean, my way of being... polite, or however it's... Well, it's the only way I have of... showing you... that I like you... of showing respect.

Kaylee

So, when... we made love last night—

Simon

When we what?!

Kaylee

You really are such an easy mark.

Wash

Monastic humor. I miss out on all the fun.

Jayne

[interrupting] Now, Inara - she's gotta have some funny whorin' stories, I'd wager.

Inara

[laughing] Do I ever! Funny and sexy. [laughs] You have no idea... [suddenly serious] and you never will.

Simon

How did… how'd you know? River, did you...?

River

"Day" is a vestigial mode of time measurement based on solar cycles. It's not applicable. [pauses] I didn't get you anything.

Kaylee

Hope you like it. Couldn't get ahold of no flour, so it's mostly protein. In fact, it's pretty much what we just had for dinner. [everyone laughs] But I tried to make the frosting as chocolate-y tasting as possible, so.

Simon

Thank you. I'm really, I'm, um, very, very deeply moved. Thank you.

Jayne

Well... deeply move yourself to blow out them candles so we can try a slice.

Kaylee

Catalyzer on the port compression coil blew. It's where the trouble started.

Mal

'Kay, I need that in captain dummy-talk, Kaylee.

Kaylee

We're dead in the water.

Mal

How long?

Kaylee

Couple of hours, maybe. We'll start to feel it… then we won't feel nothin' at all.

Mal

Bester - get your prairie harpy off my boat, and put us back in the air.

Okay-y, but... can't.

Mal

What do you mean, "can't"?

No can do, Cap. Secondary grav boot's shot.

Kaylee

No, it ain't! Ain't nothing wrong with your grav boot. Grav boot's just fine. [waves to Mal] Hello!

She doesn't... eh, that's not what... [to Kaylee] No it ain't!

Kaylee

Sure it is! Grav boot ain't your trouble. I seen the trouble plain as day when I was down there on my back before. Your reg couple's bad.

Mal

You got much experience with a vessel like this?

Kaylee

I never even been up in one before.

Mal

Wanna?

Kaylee

You mean...

Mal

Sure.

Kaylee

For how long?

Mal

Long as you like. Long as you can keep her in the sky.

Kaylee

You offerin' me a job?

W-w-w—what?

Mal

Believe I just did.

Kaylee

[grins] I just gotta ask my folks. [starts to leave, turns back] Don't leave without me! [runs off]

Mal! What do you need two mechanics for?

Mal

[Turning and leaving the engine bay] I really don't.

Simon

River you have to eat. It's good. It tastes like—

Simon

It's good.

Jayne

It smells like crotch.

Kaylee

Jayne!

Jayne

Well, it does.

Inara

What's going on here?

Kaylee

Oh, well, let's see. We killed Simon and River, stole a bunch of medicine, and now the Captain 'n' Zoe are off springing the others got snatched by the Feds!

Kaylee

[panting] No power in the 'verse... can stop me!

Zoe

[holding up an apple to Wash, before cutting it with her knife] These really are the genuine article. I could get used to being rich.

Wash

It's Jayne being so generous with his cut that confuses and frightens me.

Zoe

It does kind of freeze the blood.

Kaylee

Zoe, how come you always cut your apples?

Wash

[to Zoe] You do?

Kaylee

[to Wash] Her and Cap'n both. Whenever we get fresh fruit, they never just munch on 'em.

Zoe

[pauses, then replies to Kaylee] You know what a griswald is?

Jayne

[just walking in] It's a grenade.

Zoe

About the size of a battery, responds to pressure. Our platoon was stuck in a trench outside of New Casmir during the winter campaign. More than a week, completely cut off, and the Alliance entrenched not ten yards away. We even got to talkin' to 'em, yelling across insults and jokes and such, 'cause [there was] no ammo to speak of, no orders, so what're you gonna do? We mentioned that we were out of rations and ten minutes later, a bunch of apples rained into the trench.

Wash

[hurriedly to Kaylee] And they grew into a big tree, and they all climbed up the tree to a magical land with unicorns and a harp.

Kaylee

Blew off their heads, huh?

Zoe

Cap'n said wait, but they were so hungry...Don't make much noise, just little pops and there's three guys that kinda just...end at the rib cage.

Wash

But these apples are healthsome, and good.

Jayne

Yeah, grenades cost extra.

Mal

[walks into the kitchen and picks up an apple] We are about 20,000 miles from our last drop, people, then we can take a break and start thinking about spending some of this money.

Wash

[whispering to Zoe] Could have made a little more.

Mal

[replying at normal level to Wash, despite his whispers] That wasn't a bad idea, Wash, but...eliminating the middle man, never as simple as it sounds.

Wash

[Looks at Zoe, who looks away] You heard about my —

Mal

About 50% of the human race is middlemen and they don't take kindly to being eliminated. This quadrant...we play nice. Got enemies enough as it is.

Book

Didn't Inara express a wish for privacy?

Kaylee

Oh… we've gotta see who she's got. I bet he's handsome. I think he's gonna bring her flowers.

Kaylee

Oh— there he is!

Mal

Well, he looks the respectable sort. Welcome aboard. I'm Captain Malcolm Rey—

We're all clear here, councilor.

Mal

...Huh.

Book

Ohh, my.

Kaylee

Oh, gosh, I-I knew she took female clients, I just, uh- [laughs] They look so glamorous together.

Jayne

...I'll be in my bunk.

Book

Thank God you're safe.

Kaylee

Oh my God, what happened?

Simon

Let me take a look— how bad is it?

Wash

I'm fine. [Wash and Zoe push through the crew blocking the hallway.]

Inara

Where's Mal?

Zoe

Niska wouldn't let him go.

Inara

Is he alive?

Zoe

For now. [Zoe hands a bundle to Simon.] Take that to the infirmary— put it on ice.

Kaylee

W-w-what is that?

Simon

It's his ear.

Zoe

We're getting him back!

Jayne

What are we gonna do, clone him?

Simon

Well it's a clean cut; with the right equipment I should be able to reattach it. [Simon looks up.] That's assuming there's a head.

Kaylee

Unless it's the captain!

Zoe

Unless it's the captain.

Simon

Yep—it's a cow fetus.

Kaylee

Guess so. It does seem to have an awful lot of limbs.

Simon

It's mutated.

Kaylee

But cow? How do you figure?

Simon

It's upside down.

Kaylee

Oh yeah. Cow.

Simon

And I'm out twelve bits! I really know how to show a girl a... disgusting time.

Wash

Oh my god, it's grotesque! Oh, and there's something in a jar.

Zoe

Scared her away again, did you?

Simon

D— This may come as a shock, but I'm actually… not very good at talking to girls.

Zoe

Why, is there someone you are good at talking to?

Wash

[Speaking loudly, slowly, and enunciating clearly] Do not fear me! Ours is a peaceful race, and we must live in harmony.

Jayne

I got post?

Book

Might we all want to step a few paces back before he opens that?

Jayne

Ha ha! It's from my mother.

Inara

So, do aliens live among us?

Kaylee

Yeah. One of them's a doctor.