Zoe quotes from Firefly

Zoe

Sir, I think you have a problem with your brain being missing.

Zoe

Knew a man who had a hole clean through his whole shoulder, once. Used to keep a spare hankie in there.

Zoe

I know something ain't right.

Wash

Sweetie, we're crooks. If everything were right, we'd be in jail.

Zoe

Sir, we don't want to deal with Patience again.

Mal

Why not?

Zoe

She shot you.

Mal

Well, yeah, she did a bit.

Mal

Did you send word to Patience?

Wash

Yeah, ain't heard back yet. Didn't she shoot you one time?

Mal

Everyone's makin' a fuss!

Simon

What happens if they board us?

Zoe

If they take the ship, they'll rape us to death, eat our flesh, and sew our skins into their clothing. And if we're very, very lucky? They'll do it in that order.

Zoe

Don't think it's a good spot sir. She still has the advantage over us.

Mal

Everyone usually does. That's what makes us special.

Zoe

Sir? I'd like you to take the helm, please. I need this man to tear all my clothes off.

Wash

Work, work, work...

Mal

Hell, this job I would pull for free.

Zoe

Then can I have your share?

Mal

No!

Zoe

If you die can I have your share?

Mal

Yes.

You fought with Captain Reynolds in the war?

Zoe

Fought with a lot of people in the war.

And your husband?

Zoe

Fight with him sometimes, too.

Is there any particular reason you don't wish to discuss your marriage?

Zoe

Don't see that it's any of your business, is all. We're very private people.

Wash

The legs! [laughs] Oh yeah, definitely have to say it was her legs. You can put that down. Her legs, and right where her legs... meet her back. Tha— actually, that whole area. That, and... and above it. [...] Have you seen what she wears? Forget about it. Have you ever been with a warrior woman?

Zoe

Proximity alert. We must be comin' up on something.

Wash

Oh my god. What can it be? We're all doomed! Who's flying this thing?! (pause) Oh, right, that would be me. Back to work. (hands ball to Mal and leaves)

Kaylee

So I guess it makes us one man short.

Jayne

Yeah, little Kaylee's always one man short. (Kaylee punches him) Ow! Hey!

Zoe

Planet's coming up a mite fast.

Wash

That's just 'cause— I'm going down too quick. Likely crash and kill us all.

Mal

Well, that happens, let me know.

Kaylee

Look at the fluffy one!

Zoe

Too much foofaraw. If I'm gonna wear a dress, I want something with some slink.

Wash

You want a slinky dress? I can buy you a slinky dress. Captain, can I have money for a slinky dress?

Jayne

I'll chip in.

Zoe

I can hurt you.

Wash

Don't fall asleep now. Sleepiness is weakness of character, ask anyone.

Zoe

It is not!

Wash

You're acting Captain. You know what happens, you fall asleep?

Zoe

Jayne slits my throat and takes over?

Wash

That's right.

Zoe

And we can't stop it?

Wash

I wash my hands of it. Hopeless case. I'll read a nice poem at the funeral. Something with imagery.

Zoe

You could lock the door. Keep the power-hungry maniac at bay.

Wash

Don't know. I'm starting to like this poetry thing. "Here lies my beloved Zoe, my autumn flower... somewhat less attractive now that she's all corpsified and gross—" [Zoe hits him with a pillow]

Jayne

About time you broke in them fancy shoes. Hyah! Get along!

Mal

You know, they walk just as easy if you lead 'em.

Jayne

I like smackin' 'em.

Zoe

Next time we smuggle stock, let's make it something smaller.

Wash

Yeah, we should start dealing in those black-market beagles.

Mal

This is the last time. Last time with cows. Hey, there was an idea regarding beagles? They have smallish droppings?

Zoe

I believe so, sir. Also, your disreputable men are here.

Mal

Better go take their money.