[Book quotes warrior-poet and dictator Xiang Yu to Simon.]
He said, "Live with a man forty years. Share his house, his meals… speak on every subject… then tie him up, and hold him over the volcano's edge. And on that day, you will finally meet the man."
What if you don't live near a volcano?
I expect he was being poetical.
Sadistic crap legitimized by florid prose. Tell me you're not a fan.
I'm just wondering if they were. The people who did this to your sister.
The government did this to her.
A government is a body of people; usually, notably ungoverned.
Now you're quoting the Captain.
. . .
Yes, I'd forgotten—you're moon-lighting as a criminal mastermind now. Got your next heist planned?
No. But, I'm thinking about growing a big black mustache. I'm a traditionalist.
[Kaylee chases River into the kitchen area and takes back the apple. She holds it up to the others in the kitchen triumphantly.]
[panting] No power in the 'verse... can stop me!
[Zoe and Wash are back at the table, eating apples and chuckling at Kaylee and River.]
[holding up an apple to Wash, before cutting it with her knife] These really are the genuine article. I could get used to being rich.
It's Jayne being so generous with his cut that confuses and frightens me.
It does kind of freeze the blood.
Zoe, how come you always cut your apples?
[to Wash] Her and Cap'n both. Whenever we get fresh fruit, they never just munch on 'em.
[pauses, then replies to Kaylee] You know what a griswald is?
[just walking in] It's a grenade.
About the size of a battery, responds to pressure. Our platoon was stuck in a trench outside of New Casmir during the winter campaign. More than a week, completely cut off, and the Alliance entrenched not ten yards away. We even got to talkin' to 'em, yelling across insults and jokes and such, 'cause [there was] no ammo to speak of, no orders, so what're you gonna do? We mentioned that we were out of rations and ten minutes later, a bunch of apples rained into the trench.
[hurriedly to Kaylee] And they grew into a big tree, and they all climbed up the tree to a magical land with unicorns and a harp.
(Jayne flicks his knife open and stabs it into a nearby apple, causing Wash to jump)
Blew off their heads, huh?
Cap'n said wait, but they were so hungry...Don't make much noise, just little pops and there's three guys that kinda just...end at the rib cage.
(silence)
But these apples are healthsome, and good.
Yeah, grenades cost extra.
[walks into the kitchen and picks up an apple] We are about 20,000 miles from our last drop, people, then we can take a break and start thinking about spending some of this money.
(River sits nearby, her cheer gone, looking nauseous- none of the other crew members notice, and they cheer at the Captain's announcement..)
[whispering to Zoe] Could have made a little more.
[replying at normal level to Wash, despite his whispers] That wasn't a bad idea, Wash, but...eliminating the middle man, never as simple as it sounds.
[Looks at Zoe, who looks away] You heard about my —
About 50% of the human race is middlemen and they don't take kindly to being eliminated. This quadrant...we play nice. Got enemies enough as it is.
[Serenity lands in the desert. Wash and Zoe are in the control room.]
So...when you said that you didn't get a chance to tell the captain my idea...what you actually meant was, you told him my idea, he rejected it out of hand, and you didn't argue the point, or, even give it another thought-
And then came the lying to me about it, which for me is sort of the highlight of this little adventure.
Is there any way I'm gonna get out of this with honor and dignity?
You're pretty much down to ritual suicide, lamby-toes.
I didn't want to upset you.
What did you think of it?
Of my idea! Call the local M.D.'s- forget the fed's, let's go straight to the source. Better prices, and we know the drugs get to the right people.
Captain thinks it will get back to someone- it'd just cause trouble!
[interrupts with muttered curses in Chinese, and slams his hand down on his controls] Was I ever not asking what the captain thought!! [Gets up and almost walks out.]
Well, I tend to agree with him.
Tend to or have to? I love the fact that you two are old army buddies, and you got wacky stories with rib cages in them, but could you have an opinion of your own, please?
[glaring at Wash] You're losing the higher ground here, sweetcakes.
I'm sure you and Mal will take that hill and fortify it with the-
[now raising voice] I thought your plan was too risky. I thought.
Then tell me. I am a large, semi-muscular man. I can take it. Don't hide behind Mal 'cause you know he'll shoot it down for you. Tell me.
Right. 'Cause what this marriage needs is one more shouting match!
No, what this marriage needs is one less husband. [There is a pause between the two. Zoe looks taken aback. Wash's voice breaks when he speaks again.] Right now it's kinda crowded.
[Simon enters his and River's room, where River is laying down, looking ill.]
Whoa. Mei-mei. How you doin'?
Mmm...I'm sorry, it's a side effect. We just have to find the right treatment for you. How do you feel now?
Going. Going back, like apple bits, coming back up. [shakes head] Chaos.
But you felt okay this morning?
[smiles wanly] Played with Kaylee. The sun came out, and… I walked on my feet, and… heard with my ears. I ate the bits. The bits did stay down. And I work. I...function like I'm a girl. [sobs] I hate it because I know it'll go away! [sobs] The sun grows dark, and chaos is come again. [sobs] Bits… fluids! [sniffs] What am I?
Shh-shh...:[Simon hugs River reassuringly.] You...are my beautiful sister.
I... I threw up on your bed.
[Simon winces, then smiles.] Yup. Definitely my sister. [River smiles and chuckles while still crying into Simon's shoulder.]
[Book, Kaylee and Jayne sit in the common area, spying on Inara and Mal, awaiting her latest client.]
Didn't Inara express a wish for privacy?
Oh… we've gotta see who she's got. I bet he's handsome. I think he's gonna bring her flowers.
[A man walks onto Serenity, that seems to be Inara's latest client.]
Well, he looks the respectable sort. Welcome aboard. I'm Captain Malcolm Rey—
[The man ignores Mal's outstretched hand and walks by him as Mal looks questioningly at his unshaken hand.]
BBodyguard
We're all clear here, councilor.
[The councilor, Inara's client, walks in and is revealed to be a woman. Mal stands by as they walk upstairs, mouth agape.]
[Jayne, Kaylee, and Book are clearly shocked, especially Jayne, who stares confoundedly at the two retreating women.]
Oh, gosh, I-I knew she took female clients, I just, uh- [laughs] They look so glamorous together.
[Mal and Zoe are in the empty shuttle, preparing to leave.]
Lucrative as this stuff is, I'll be glad to see the last of it. [loading the stolen medical supplies] Kind of makes us a target for—
[checking controls and dials] Was River in here messing around? The ignition sequence is all turned about, I can't even—
Well, get it set, would you, Wash? We gotta get moving.
Here's a funny twist. No.
You changed the sequence?
Didn't want you taking off without me. In fact, didn't want you taking off at all. Thought I might take this run instead— me and the captain.
The captain who's standing right here, telling you that's not going to happen?
Well, it's a dangerous mission sir. [looking at Zoe] I can't stand the thought of something happening that might cause you two to come back with another thrilling tale of bonding and adventure. I just can't take that right now.
Okay [chuckling], um... I'm lost. Uh... I'm angry. And, I'm armed. So, if you two have something that you need to work out—
It's all right, sir. We've dealt with Bash before. Shouldn't be a problem. [stands to leave] And I wouldn't mind sitting this one out. [stares down Wash]
Oh, this is a fine [mutters in Chinese] but I don't have time to unwind it. Wash [nodding at Wash, clearly annoyed] get her started. Zoe, ship is yours.
[Zoe leaves.]
Bye, hon. [sarcastic] We promise not to stop for beers with the fellas! [Turning to Mal,] So... are we gonna sing army songs or something?
[The shuttle takes off.]
[Asian style music plays as Inara massages her client's back.]
CCouncilor
Oh— that feels amazing. [Inara smiles] Oh, right there. Oh, that's perfect. I should have done this weeks ago.
[chuckling] Well, I wouldn't have been here weeks ago.
CCouncilor
That would have been a shame.
For me as well. You have such beautiful skin.
CCouncilor
[looking up at Inara] There's no need for the show, Inara. I just need to relax with someone who's making no demands on me.
Most of my clientèle is male, do you know that?
[smiling gently.] If I choose a woman, she tends to be extraordinary in some way. [laughing] And the fact is, I occasionally have the exact same need you do. One can not always be one's self in the company of men.
CCouncilor
[smiling.] Never, actually.
So no show. Let's just... enjoy ourselves.
CCouncilor
You are so lovely.
[The councilor and Inara kiss and embrace passionately.]
[Mal and Wash are flying in the second shuttle.]
Look— this thing, with you and Zoe—
Really not looking to talk on that topic.
Hey, I let that [stupid (in Chinese)] trick of yours slide back there because this is a milk run. But when I go on a mission, I'm taking Zoe, and that's the drill. You know that. I mean, what happens if we get in a situation here?
Hey, I've been in a firefight before. [Pauses] Well, I was in a fire. [Pauses] Actually, I was fired, from a fry cook opportunity. [Pauses again.] I can handle myself.
And you understand what Zoe's job entails?
[Nodding enthusiastically] I'll learn as I go.
[Wash and Mal are blindfolded in Niska's torture chamber.]
[Panicking] I think I've been kidnapped.
[Pauses] Can you see where we are?
Mal, what the hell is going on?
But you've got some theories?
[Slightly irritated] Still working it through.
[Loudly] I don't want you to spare me, Mal. If you think you know what's happening then you tell me. You wouldn't spare Zoe if she were in this situation with you, would you? You would be planning, and plotting, and possibly scheming. So, whatever Zoe would do in this instance is what I wanna do. And you know why? Because no matter how ugly it gets, you two always come back. With the stories. So... I'm Zoe. Now... what do I do?
Probably not talk quite so much.
Right. Less talking. She's terse. I can be terse. Once in flight school, I was laconic. [Pause] If I'm not gonna talk, then you have to! What else?
We just gotta keep our heads.
Right. Keep our heads. That way we'll be able to, you know, keep our heads. You and Zoe have been in plenty of situations like this before, right?
Many a' time, you and Zoe.
At least we know who it was took us-
Zoe and you. Together, in a tricky...[Considers this] Mal, she's my wife!
What gives you the right to put her in a dangerous situation like this?
No, but she would've been!
I mean, I'm the one that she swore to love, honor, and obey.
Listen, if— [surprised] She swore to obey?
Well, no... not— [breathing heavily] But that's just my point! You, she obeys! She obeys you. There's obeying going on right under my nose!
Look, Zoe and I have a history— she trusts me.
[Annoyed] What's that supposed to mean?
Don't mean a thing, but you're making out like she blindly follows my every word; that ain't true.
Not so. There's plenty orders of mine that she didn't obey.
[Back on the ship, Inara, Jayne, Simon, Shepherd Book, and Kaylee are anxiously awaiting Zoe's return. The door opens, and Wash and Zoe walk through.]
Oh my God, what happened?
Let me take a look— how bad is it?
I'm fine. [Wash and Zoe push through the crew blocking the hallway.]
Niska wouldn't let him go.
For now. [Zoe hands a bundle to Simon.] Take that to the infirmary— put it on ice.
[Simon unwraps the handkerchief, revealing Mal's ear. Inara and Kaylee gasp and turn away.]
[Shepherd mutters in Chinese. Zoe turns back to the crew.]
What are we gonna do, clone him?
Well it's a clean cut; with the right equipment I should be able to reattach it. [Simon looks up.] That's assuming there's a head.
[Mal is still tied to the metal post in the torture room. Blood is dripping from where his ear has been cut off, and he is grimacing as Niska's henchmen continue to torture him.]
NNiska
Do you know the writings of a Xiang Yu?
[Straining in pain throughout] You starting a book club? What, you trying to torture— [Grunts in pain] trying to torture me?
