Kaylee Frye quotes from Firefly

Jayne

How's it sit? Pretty cunning, don't you think?

Kaylee

I think it's the sweetest hat ever.

Wash

A man walks down the street in that hat, people know he's not afraid of anything.

Jayne

Damn straight!

Jayne

What'd y'all order a dead guy for?

Simon

Isn't there a pregnant woman I'm to examine?

Wash

[to Kaylee] You'd really lie with someone being paid for it?

Kaylee

Well, it's not like anyone else is lining up to, you know, examine me.

Jayne

Whoop! My John Thomas is about to pop off and fly around the room, there's so much tasty here. Ooh!

Wash

Would be you get your most poetical about your pecker.

Kaylee

Everyone's got somebody. Wash, tell me I'm pretty.

Wash

Were I unwed, I would take you in a manly fashion.

Kaylee

'Cause I'm pretty?

Wash

'Cause you're pretty.

Kaylee

Cap'n seem a little... funny to you at breakfast this morning?

Wash

Come on, Kaylee. We all know I'm the funny one.

Kaylee

You couldn't possibly!

Simon

No, I wish I was lying, I just...You know, we'd all just made surgeon. That was it, we were the elite. The world was ours, you know?

Kaylee

So you had to be naked?

Simon

Naked. Yes. And, uh, on top of the statue of Hippocrates. (they laugh) Can't you just picture me?

Kaylee

What, naked? Oh, well, hmm, mmm...Let's see, I'mma have to conjure up a...yeah, that's, that's gonna be difficult...(laughs and pokes him in the cheek with her foot) So did the feds come?

Simon

There were no feds. (grins) Until I started singing.

Kaylee

Oh, no! (cracks up)

Simon

This is not--

Kaylee

What did you sing?

Simon

This is not funny. This, this is a morality tale about the evils of sake.

I would be there right now.

Simon

I really miss...It was, it was either that or the national anthem. I, reports vary...

Kaylee

You don't remember any of this?

Simon

I remember talking the feds out of telling my father. Or, or paying the feds out of telling my father. I get fuzzy on the aspect...

Jayne

So like, never?

Book

Well, no.

Jayne

Not ever ever?

Book

Some orders allow shepherds to marry, but I follow a narrower path.

Jayne

But you still got the urge? They don't...cut it off or nothin'?

Book

No, I'm more or less intact. I just...direct my energy elsewhere.

Jayne

You mean like masturbatin'?

Book

I hope you're not thinking of taking orders yourself?

Jayne

Heheh, yeah, that's be the day.

I got stupid, the money was too good.

I don't give half a hump if you're innocent or not. So where does that put you?

Jayne

Saint Jayne, got a ring to it!

Book

I'm just trying to remember how many miracles you've performed.

Jayne

I once hit a guy in the neck from five hundred yards with a bent scope, don't that count upstairs?

Book

Oh, it'll be taken into consideration.

Jayne

You made that sound kinda ominous.

Mal

You know, the only thing you're gonna find in New Melborne is fish and fish-related activities, so unless you got the overwhelming urge to gut sturgeon--and who hasn't, occasionally--

Inara

But it's a layover point for almost every planet this side of the system. I could--I just don't want to draw this out.

Mal

Have you decided when you're gonna tell the others?

Inara

I...No. I appreciate your not saying anything.

Mal

Well, I don't. So make up your mind.

I'm a big girl, just tell me.

None of it means a damn thing.

River

It's just an object. It doesn't mean what you think.

Mal

Fully loaded, safety off. This here is a recipe for unpleasantness. [to Simon] Does she understand that?

River

She understands. She doesn't comprehend.

Mal

Well, I'm glad we've made that distinction.

Kaylee

River? ...River? [startled by Early] Wah!

I like this ship... Serenity... she's good looking.

Kaylee

[stuttering] Ha-how how did you... g-get on—

Strains the mind a bit don'it? You think you're all alone... maybe I come down the chimney, Kaylee, bring presents to the good girls and boys. Maybe not, though. Maybe I've always been here.

Kaylee

What do you want?

[looks at engine] That's a beating heart isn't it? Pull off any one of a thousand parts she'll just die. Such a slender thread... [coldly] You ever been raped?

Kaylee

[almost in tears] Th-the captain is right down the hall-hallway- He... c-can... hear you—

The captain is locked in his quarters. They all are. There's nobody can help you... Say it.

Kaylee

[breathlessly, a tear starting down her right cheek] There's... there's nobody can help me.

I'm gonna tie you up now—

Kaylee

[whimpers]

And you know what I'm gonna do then? I'm gonna give you a present. Get rid of a problem you've got. And I won't touch you in any wrong fashion, nor hurt you at all, unless you make some kind of ruckus. You throw a monkey wrench into my dealings in any way, your body is forfeit. Ain't nothing but a body to me and I can find all unseemly manner of use for it. Do you understand?

Kaylee

[holding back tears] Yes.

Turn around and put your hands behind yer back.

Kaylee

Oh ughhhh... [moans, but does as she's told.]

[From behind her as he ties her up] Now tell me Kaylee, where does River sleep?