[The crew talks about their upcoming visit to core planet Ariel while they eat.]
River you have to eat. It's good. It tastes like—
[Takes bite of food.]
It's good.
It smells like crotch.
Jayne!
Well, it does.
“Ariel”
In this episode: Jayne Cobb (11), Mal Reynolds (7), Simon Tam (7), Wash (5), River Tam (5), Zoe (3), Inara Serra (2), Kaylee Frye (2)
[to Inara] Could you please tell my wife the fun she's missing out on?
Ariel's quite a nice place, actually. There are some beautiful museums, not to mention some of the finest restaurants in the core.
But... not boring, like she made it sound.
No one is setting foot on that fancy rock. I don't want anyone leaving the ship. Come to think of it, I don't want anyone looking out the windows or talking aloud.
What's the point of coming to the core if I can't even step off the boat?
You could have got off with Shepherd Book at the Bathgate Abbey. Could've been meditating on the wonders of your rock garden by now.
Well, it beats just sittin'.
It is just sitting.
Big stop just to renew your license to Companion. Can I use "Companion" as a verb?
[Jayne hocks some spit to help sharpen his knife.]
Could you not do that while we're… ever?
[Jayne spits again.]
So, two days in a hospital? That's awful! Don't you just hate doctors?
Hey!
[Unobserved by anyone, River pulls a huge carving knife out of the kitchen rack.]
I mean, present company excluded.
Let's not be excludin' people. [grins] That'd be rude.
[Suddenly, River slashes Jayne in the chest.]
. . .
He looks better in red.
[Coached by Simon, the crew prepares to impersonate emergency medical technicians.]
Patients were cynical, and not responding, and we couldn't bring 'em back.
They were cyanotic...
They were cyanotic...
...and not responsive...
...not responded— responsive...
...and we were unable to...
Res—
Resuscitate them!
. . .
Which methods did you use?
We— we tried pulmonary stimulators, and— and cardiac... we...
Infusers.
Infusers!
. . .
What about cortical electrodes?
Oh! [long pause] We forget 'em.
Let's try that again.
. . .
Pupils were fixed and dilapitated—
Dilated.
Dilated. Dilated! Ching-wah TSAO duh liou mahng! Shiny.
. . .
Unable to get a neural...
Response.
Response! Hell, I don't know. If I wanted schooling, I'd-a gone to school.
[The newly-minted "ambulance" opens, and the three faux EMTs emerge.]
If I didn't know better, I'd say you're ready to save some lives!
Now all we need are a couple o' patients.
Corpses, actually. For this to work, River and I will have to be dead.
Huh. I'm starting to like this plan.
[Mal worries about Jayne's commitment to the comatose Simon and River.]
Look, you got a little stabbed the other day. That's bound to make anyone a mite ornery.
. . .
The doc did good, comin' up with that job. Don't mean I like 'im any better. Nothing buys bygones quicker than cash. Maybe I'll give him a tattoo while he's out.
[The faux EMTs wheel in their body containers, ready to do their spiel to get them to the morgue.]
ENEmergency Nurse
What do you got?
Got a couple DOAs. By the time we got there—
ENEmergency Nurse
Take them down to the morgue.
[Mal looks at his stunned team. Zoe begins to wheel her container in, but Jayne just stands there.]
We applied the cortical electrodes, but we were unable to get a neural reaction from either patient!
[A doctor is hassling "EMT" Mal for his insubordination.]
DDoctor
You must be new. Don't get comfortable. Your type doesn't last long here. When your supervisor hears about the rude and disresp— AGHHH!
[He collapses. Behind him, Zoe lowers defibrillator paddles.]
Clear.
[On the diagnostic table, River screams.]
No! No! No. They come out of the black. They come when you call.
River, it's okay— it's, it's over. We're leaving.
[River looks straight at Jayne.]
Your toes are in the sand.
And your head's up your—
Hey! Back off.
[Mal and Zoe wheel out the medicine-laden containers.]
How much did we get?
Enough to keep us flying.
Can we fly somewhere with a beach?
Maybe a naked beach?
[Wash and Zoe go into a passionate embrace.]
Cut it out! The job's not done till we're back on Serenity.
Sorry, sir. Didn't mean to enjoy the moment.
[Simon thanks Jayne for his apparent resistance to arrest, unaware that Jayne had called in the feds himself.]
Still... I appreciate you trying.
You know what I'd appreciate? You stop flapping that pretty mouth at me. I'm trying to figure a way out of here. I can't do it with you yammerin'.
They took Christmas away.
What the hell now?
I came downstairs for the shiny presents. They took the tree and the stockings. Nothing left but coal.
[to Simon] Would you shut her up?
Don't look in the closet either. It's greedy. It's not in the spirit of the holiday.
You shut the hell up right now, or so help me, I will shut you up.
[River looks at Jayne with disbelief and disappointment.]
[As the two blue-gloved men slaughter the feds, nearby, River starts to panic and run.]
Two by two, hands of blue... two by two, hands of blue...
[Jayne fires a fed's stun rifle at a locked door, but it has no effect.]
Shee-niou high-tech Alliance crap!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Firefly pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.