Simon Tam quotes from Firefly

Simon

I'm very sorry if she tipped off anyone about your cunningly concealed herd of cows.

Simon

It's been a big day, what with the abduction, and all.

Mal

You will keep a civil tongue in that mouth or I will sew it shut. Is there an understanding between us?

Jayne

You don't pay me to talk pretty. Just because Kaylee gets lubed up over some big-city dandy —

Mal

Walk away from this table, right now.

Simon

What do you pay him for?

Mal

What?

Simon

I was curious... what is his job on this ship?

Mal

... Public relations.

Simon

What happens if they board us?

Zoe

If they take the ship, they'll rape us to death, eat our flesh, and sew our skins into their clothing. And if we're very, very lucky? They'll do it in that order.

Simon

I'm trying to put this as delicately as I can... How do I know you won't kill me in my sleep?

Mal

You don't know me, son, so let me explain this to you once: If I ever kill you, you'll be awake, you'll be facing me, and you'll be armed.

Simon

Are you always this sentimental?

Mal

I had a good day.

Simon

You had the Alliance on you... criminals and savages... half the people on the ship have been shot or wounded, including yourself... and you're harboring known fugitives.

Mal

We're still flying.

Simon

That's not much.

Mal

It's enough.

Jayne

You know what the chain of command is? It's the chain I go get and beat you with 'til you understand who's in ruttin' command here! Now we're finishing this deal, and then maybe, maybe we'll come back for those morons... got themselves caught... and you can't change that by getting all... bendy.

Wash

All what?

Jayne

You got the light... from the console to keep you... lifting you up... they shine like... [Starts grabbing at the air] little angels...

Wash

Did he just go crazy and fall asleep?

Simon

I told him to sit down.

Simon

Oh yes, he's a real beast. [looks at Jayne] It's a wonder you're still alive.

Jayne

Looked bigger when I couldn't see him.

Badger

Who's that, then? Here, look at me. What's your story, love?

Simon

She's just a... just a passenger.

Badger

Yeah? Why ain't she talkin'? Got a secret?

Simon

No, I'm—

River

[suddenly speaking in Badger's own Cockney accent] Sure. I got a secret. More'n one. Don't seem like I'd tell 'em to you, now, do it? Anyone off Dyton colony knows better'n to talk to strangers. [pokes Badger in the chest] You're talkin' loud enough for the both of us, ain't ya? I've met a dozen like you. Skipped off home early. Minor grift jobs here and there. Spent some time in the lockdown, but less than you claim. And you're what? A petty thief with delusions o' standing? Sad little king of a sad little hill.

Badger

Nice to see someone from the old homestead.

River

Not really. [to Simon] Call me if anyone interesting shows up. [Leaves]

Badger

[grinning] I like her.

Young River

We got outflanked by the Independent squad, and we're never gonna make it back to our platoon. [pauses] We need to resort to cannibalism.

Young Simon

That was fast. Don't we have rations or anything?

Young River

That's wrong.

Young Simon

It's from the book, River.

Young River

No, the book is wrong. This whole conclusion is fallacious.

Mal

So, she's added cussing and hurling-about of things to her repertoire. She really is a prodigy.

Simon

It's just a bad day.

Mal

No, a "bad day" is when someone's yellin' spooks the cattle. Understand? You ever see cattle stampede when they got no place to run? It's kind of like a… a meat grinder. And it'll lose us half the herd.

Simon

She hasn't gone anywhere near the cattle.

Mal

No, but in case you hadn't noticed, her voice kinda carries. We're two miles above ground and they can probably hear her down there. Soon as we unload, she can holler until our ears bleed—although I would take it as a kindness if she didn't.

River

The human body can be drained of blood in 8.6 seconds given adequate vacuuming systems.

Mal

See, morbid and creepifying, I got no problem with, long as she does it quiet-like.

Simon

It's fun, being forced to the ass-end of the galaxy. To get to live on a piece of luh-suh wreck. And we eat molded protein! And be bullied around by our pyen juh duh jiou cha[o] w[r]en of a captain. That's fun.

Kaylee

"Luh-suh"?! Serenity ain't "Luh-suh".

Simon

Did you have a good time at the D'Arbanville's ball?

Gabriel Tam

What are you-?

Simon

River thought it was duller than last year. But since we don't know anyone named D'Arbanville, I'm having trouble judging.

Doralee

A place like this might be good for your sister. Quiet, safe… a place where folks take care of each other.

Simon

Mmm, yes. Seems like a lovely little community of kidnappers.

Doralee

It's the way of life in my findings that journeys end when and where they want to; and that's where you make your home.

Simon

This isn't our home.

Doralee

If it isn't here, where is it?

River

I get confused. I remember everything. I remember too much. And... some of it's made up, and... some of it can't be quantified, and... there's secrets... and...

Simon

It's okay.

River

But I understand. You gave up everything you had to find me. You found me broken. It's hard for you. [breaking] You gave up everything you had.

Simon

Mei-mei. Everything I have... is right here.

River

We won't be here long. Daddy will come, and take us home. And I'll get better. I'll get better.