Simon Tam quotes from Firefly

Simon

I mean, my way of being... polite, or however it's... Well, it's the only way I have of... showing you... that I like you... of showing respect.

Kaylee

So, when... we made love last night—

Simon

When we what?!

Kaylee

You really are such an easy mark.

Wash

Monastic humor. I miss out on all the fun.

Jayne

[interrupting] Now, Inara - she's gotta have some funny whorin' stories, I'd wager.

Inara

[laughing] Do I ever! Funny and sexy. [laughs] You have no idea... [suddenly serious] and you never will.

Simon

How did… how'd you know? River, did you...?

River

"Day" is a vestigial mode of time measurement based on solar cycles. It's not applicable. [pauses] I didn't get you anything.

Kaylee

Hope you like it. Couldn't get ahold of no flour, so it's mostly protein. In fact, it's pretty much what we just had for dinner. [everyone laughs] But I tried to make the frosting as chocolate-y tasting as possible, so.

Simon

Thank you. I'm really, I'm, um, very, very deeply moved. Thank you.

Jayne

Well... deeply move yourself to blow out them candles so we can try a slice.

Simon

Suffocation's not exactly the most dignified way to go. The human body will involuntarily-

Inara

Please, I don't really require a clinical description right now.

Simon

I'm sorry. I just, uh... It was my birthday.

Zoe

Welcome back, sir.

Mal

I go someplace?

Very nearly.

Inara

We thought we lost you.

Mal

No, I've been right here.

Mal

Wash, you okay?

Wash

[a little buzzed from giving blood] Yeah, Mal, I'm fine.

Mal

You got a thing in your arm.

Wash

[smiling] Yeah.

Simon

Try not to speak. You're heavily medicated and you lost a lot of blood.

Simon

All right, I have to insist the Captain needs to rest.

Mal

Yeah. Think the doc might not be wrong about that one. Just gonna need a few.... [trails off as he closes his eyes]

Mal

Y'all gonna be here when I wake up?

Book

We'll be here.

Mal

Good. That's good.

Yep. Real beauty, ain't she? Yes, sir. Right smart purchase, this vessel.

I tell you what. You buy this ship, treat her proper - she'll be with you for the rest of your life.

Son? Hey, son!

You hear a word I been sayin'?

Simon

River you have to eat. It's good. It tastes like—

Simon

It's good.

Jayne

It smells like crotch.

Kaylee

Jayne!

Jayne

Well, it does.

Simon

Could you not do that while we're… ever?

Wash

So, two days in a hospital? That's awful! Don't you just hate doctors?

Simon

Hey!

Wash

I mean, present company excluded.

Jayne

Let's not be excludin' people. [grins] That'd be rude.

River

He looks better in red.

Mal

Patients were cynical, and not responding, and we couldn't bring 'em back.

Simon

They were cyanotic...

Mal

They were cyanotic...

Simon

...and not responsive...

Mal

...not responded— responsive...

Simon

...and we were unable to...

Zoe

Res—

Mal

Resuscitate them!

Simon

Which methods did you use?

Zoe

We— we tried pulmonary stimulators, and— and cardiac... we...

Simon

Infusers.

Zoe

Infusers!

Simon

What about cortical electrodes?

Jayne

Oh! [long pause] We forget 'em.

Simon

Let's try that again.

Mal

Pupils were fixed and dilapitated—

Simon

Dilated.

Mal

Dilated. Dilated! Ching-wah TSAO duh liou mahng! Shiny.

Jayne

Unable to get a neural...

Simon

Response.

Jayne

Response! Hell, I don't know. If I wanted schooling, I'd-a gone to school.

Simon

If I didn't know better, I'd say you're ready to save some lives!

Mal

Now all we need are a couple o' patients.

Simon

Corpses, actually. For this to work, River and I will have to be dead.

Jayne

Huh. I'm starting to like this plan.

River

No! No! No. They come out of the black. They come when you call.

Simon

River, it's okay— it's, it's over. We're leaving.

River

Your toes are in the sand.

Jayne

And your head's up your—

Simon

Hey! Back off.

Simon

Still... I appreciate you trying.

Jayne

You know what I'd appreciate? You stop flapping that pretty mouth at me. I'm trying to figure a way out of here. I can't do it with you yammerin'.

River

They took Christmas away.

Jayne

What the hell now?

River

I came downstairs for the shiny presents. They took the tree and the stockings. Nothing left but coal.

Jayne

[to Simon] Would you shut her up?

River

Don't look in the closet either. It's greedy. It's not in the spirit of the holiday.

Jayne

You shut the hell up right now, or so help me, I will shut you up.

Simon

I brought some medicine. Do you remember why we went to hospital?

River

It's time to go to sleep again.

Simon

No, mei-mei. [holds River's hand gently.] It's time to wake up.

Book

He said, "Live with a man forty years. Share his house, his meals… speak on every subject… then tie him up, and hold him over the volcano's edge. And on that day, you will finally meet the man."

Simon

What if you don't live near a volcano?

Book

I expect he was being poetical.

Simon

Sadistic crap legitimized by florid prose. Tell me you're not a fan.

Book

I'm just wondering if they were. The people who did this to your sister.

Simon

The government did this to her.

Book

A government is a body of people; usually, notably ungoverned.

Simon

Now you're quoting the Captain.

Book

Yes, I'd forgotten—you're moon-lighting as a criminal mastermind now. Got your next heist planned?

Simon

No. But, I'm thinking about growing a big black mustache. I'm a traditionalist.

Simon

Whoa. Mei-mei. How you doin'?

River

I threw up.

Simon

Mmm...I'm sorry, it's a side effect. We just have to find the right treatment for you. How do you feel now?

River

Going. Going back, like apple bits, coming back up. [shakes head] Chaos.

Simon

But you felt okay this morning?

River

[smiles wanly] Played with Kaylee. The sun came out, and… I walked on my feet, and… heard with my ears. I ate the bits. The bits did stay down. And I work. I...function like I'm a girl. [sobs] I hate it because I know it'll go away! [sobs] The sun grows dark, and chaos is come again. [sobs] Bits… fluids! [sniffs] What am I?

Simon

Shh-shh...:[Simon hugs River reassuringly.] You...are my beautiful sister.

River

I... I threw up on your bed.

Simon

[Simon winces, then smiles.] Yup. Definitely my sister. [River smiles and chuckles while still crying into Simon's shoulder.]

Book

Thank God you're safe.

Kaylee

Oh my God, what happened?

Simon

Let me take a look— how bad is it?

Wash

I'm fine. [Wash and Zoe push through the crew blocking the hallway.]

Inara

Where's Mal?

Zoe

Niska wouldn't let him go.

Inara

Is he alive?

Zoe

For now. [Zoe hands a bundle to Simon.] Take that to the infirmary— put it on ice.

Kaylee

W-w-what is that?

Simon

It's his ear.

Zoe

We're getting him back!

Jayne

What are we gonna do, clone him?

Simon

Well it's a clean cut; with the right equipment I should be able to reattach it. [Simon looks up.] That's assuming there's a head.

Mal

So— I hear you all took up arms in that little piece of action back there. How you farin' with that, Doctor?

Simon

I don't know. I, uh, I never— never shot anyone before.

Book

I was there, son. I'm fair sure you haven't shot anyone… yet.