Simon Tam quotes from Firefly

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[Flashback to an adult Simon, detained by the authorities and facing his angry father.]

Gabriel Tam

Have you completely lost your mind?

Simon

Pretty nearly.

Gabriel Tam

We got the wave at the Friedlichs. I had to leave your mother at the dinner table!

Simon

I'm sorry, Dad. You know I would never have tried to save River's life if I had known there was a dinner party at risk!

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[Simon pleads with the hill folk, who have tied River to a stake, preparing to burn her.]

Simon

She has done nothing to you! If she dies tonight, it won't be God's will that killed her! It'll be you! Your lunacy, your... ignorance!

. . .

[Unable to free his sister, Simon climbs onto the pyre and holds River.]

Simon

Light it.

River

Time to go.

[A blast of wind signals the arrival of Serenity. Jayne cocks a shotgun from the cargo hold while Mal and Zoe approach on foot.]

Well, look at this! Appears we got here just in the nick of time. What does that make us?

Zoe

Big damn heroes, sir.

Ain't we just? [Moves to front of crowd, covers them with shotgun.] Sorry to interrupt, folks, but y'all got something that belongs to us, and we'd like it back.

PPatron

This is a holy cleansing. You cannot think to thwart God's will.

Y'all see the man hanging out of the spaceship with the really big gun? I'm not saying you weren't easy to find. [But] It was kinda out of our way, and he didn't want to come in the first place. Man's lookin' to kill some folk. So really, it's his will y'all should worry about thwarting.

[Mal turns to Simon.]

Gotta say, Doctor, your talent for alienatin' folks is near miraculous.

Simon

Yes, I'm very proud.

[Mal addresses the crowd again.]

Cut her down!

PPatron

The girl is a witch.

Yeah, but she's our witch. [cocks gun] So cut her the hell down.

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Simon

So, finally a decent wound on this ship, and I miss out. I'm sorry.

Well, you were busy trying to get yourself lit on fire. It happens.

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Simon

Captain, why did you come back for us?

You're on my crew.

Simon

Yeah, but you don't even like me. Why'd you come back?

You're on my crew. Why're we still talking about this?

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[Simon describes how Saffron's lip-delivered drug is well-known to doctors.]

Simon

They called it the "good-night" kiss.

Zoe

So you two were kissin'?

Book

Well, isn't that... special [Referring to the "special hell" he threatend Mal with when he would take sexual advantage of "Saffron"]?

Our Mrs. Reynolds

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[Kaylee has expressed her belief that Simon doesn't swear]

Simon

I swear... when it's appropriate.

Kaylee

Simon, the whole point of swearing is that it ain't appropriate.

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[Jayne is in the infirmary, which is in total disarray, taping a gun to his midriff]

Simon

What... happened in here?

Needed to find some tape.

Simon

So you had to tear my infirmary apart?

[Looks around himself] Apparently.

Simon

My God. You're like a trained ape... without the training!

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Jayne, I told you we were settin' down on the Canton factory settlement on Higgins' Moon?

Yep, that ya did.

Canton don't allow guns in their town.

Yes sir, s'why I ain't strappin' one to my hip.

No, that's why you ain't strappin' one anywhere.

Oh, listen Mal, I was in Canton a few years back. Might've made me a few enemies thereabouts.

Simon

[sarcastically] Enemies? You? No, how can it be?

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Simon

Canton really... stinks.

That's what makes it such a good drop point. No one comes through here that doesn't have to.

Wash

I vote we do this job really really fast.

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The management here don't take too kindly to sightseers, [which is] why we're posin' as buyers. There ain't-a one of us looks the part more than the good doctor. I mean, the pretty fits, soft hands, definitely a moneyed individual. All rich and lily-white, pasty all over—

Simon

All right! Fine, I'll go. Just... stop describing me.

You're the boss, boss.

He's the boss now? [sarcastically] This day just keeps gettin' better and better.

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FForeman

We've over 2,000 workers, mostly indentured. We pay them next to nothing. That way, we can pass the savings directly on to you, the customer.

. . .

[Simon struggles to keep up with the foreman.]

Simon

Yes. I... I-I've heard great, uh... um, uh... things about mud...

[Wash turns to Kaylee.]

Wash

What happened to Simon? Who is this diabolical master of disguise?

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[Jayne, dressed in a bulky hooded coat and goggles, keeps his head down as they walk past the workers.]

Wash

You haven't been here in years, Jayne. You really think you need that getup? No one's gonna remember you.

I think it's possible they might.

[They all look up to see an elevated, life-sized mud statue of Jayne.]

Simon

Son of a bitch!

. . .

You wanna tell me how come there's a statue here, lookin' at me like I owe him something?

Wishin' I could, cap'n.

No, seriously, Jayne, you want to tell me...?

Look, Mal, I got no ruttin' idea! I was here a few years back, like I said. Pulled a second-story, stole a lotta scratch from the magistrate up on the hill. But things went way south. I had to hightail it. They don't... put you on a pedestal in town square for that.

Yeah, 'cept I'm looking at some fair compellin' evidence says they do.

[Simon is just staring at the statue]

Simon

This must be what going mad feels like.

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[Sitting in a bar, listening to "The Ballad of Jayne Cobb" being sung]

Uh, Jayne?