[Jayne, dressed in a bulky hooded coat and goggles, keeps his head down as they walk past the workers.]
WashYou haven't been here in years, Jayne. You really think you need that getup? No one's gonna remember you.
I think it's possible they might.
[They all look up to see an elevated, life-sized mud statue of Jayne.]
. . .
You wanna tell me how come there's a statue here, lookin' at me like I owe him something?
No, seriously, Jayne, you want to tell me...?
Look, Mal, I got no ruttin' idea! I was here a few years back, like I said. Pulled a second-story, stole a lotta scratch from the magistrate up on the hill. But things went way south. I had to hightail it. They don't... put you on a pedestal in town square for that.
Yeah, 'cept I'm looking at some fair compellin' evidence says they do.
[Simon is just staring at the statue]
This must be what going mad feels like.
[In near-present day, Wash comes in late to hear Book's dinner-table tales.]
Wash
Monastic humor. I miss out on all the fun.
. . .
[Simon is unable to quickly convey a funny story about being a doctor]
[interrupting] Now, Inara - she's gotta have some funny whorin' stories, I'd wager.
[laughing] Do I ever! Funny and sexy. [laughs] You have no idea... [suddenly serious] and you never will.
. . .
[The crew surprises Simon with a birthday cake.]
How did… how'd you know? River, did you...?
"Day" is a vestigial mode of time measurement based on solar cycles. It's not applicable. [pauses] I didn't get you anything.
. . .
Hope you like it. Couldn't get ahold of no flour, so it's mostly protein. In fact, it's pretty much what we just had for dinner. [everyone laughs] But I tried to make the frosting as chocolate-y tasting as possible, so.
Thank you. I'm really, I'm, um, very, very deeply moved. Thank you.
Well... deeply move yourself to blow out them candles so we can try a slice.
I'm gettin' a little weary of this attitude, Wash.
Wash
[chuckling] Are you? Well, I'm so very sorry, sir. I guess the news that we're all gonna be purple and bloated and fetal in a few hours has made me a little snippy.
. . .
[The conversation escalates to a shouting match.]
Wash
What do you expect me to do, Mal?
Whatever you have to! And if you can't do it from here, then get a suit on and go outside on the side of the boat—
Wash
And what?! Wave my arms around?
Wave your arms around, jump up and down, divert the navsats to the transmitter - whatever.
Wash
Divert the— Right! Because teenage pranks are fun when you're about to die!
Give the beacon a boost, wouldn't it?
Wash
Yes, Mal! It would boost the signal. But even if some passerby did happen to receive, all it would do is muck up their navigation!
Wash
Damn right, it's true! They'd be forced to stop and dig out our signal before they could even go anyplace.
[Mal stares at Wash. Wash stares back, realization dawning.]
Wash
Well, maybe I should do that then!
Wash
Ok!
Wash
Fine!
[Jayne walks in on Mal and Wash arguing.]
Hey! [they both turn] [What the] guay you two think you're doin'? Fightin' at a time like this. [pause] [You'll] use up all the air.
[Back in the present day, with Serenity fixed, Mal finds himself dazed in the company of his crew and passengers.]
SBShepherd Book
Very nearly.
No, I've been right here.
Wash
[a little buzzed from giving blood] Yeah, Mal, I'm fine.
You got a thing in your arm.
Wash
[smiling] Yeah.
Try not to speak. You're heavily medicated and you lost a lot of blood.
[Mal groans]
. . .
All right, I have to insist the Captain needs to rest.
Yeah. Think the doc might not be wrong about that one. Just gonna need a few.... [trails off as he closes his eyes]
[Mal then jerks himself awake.]
Y'all gonna be here when I wake up?
[As Mal falls asleep, he experiences another flashback to a used spaceship yard.]
SSalesman
Yep. Real beauty, ain't she? Yes, sir. Right smart purchase, this vessel.
[The rocket-shaped vessel that the salesman is trying to sell Mal comes into view.]
SSalesman
I tell you what. You buy this ship, treat her proper - she'll be with you for the rest of your life.
[But Mal has his attention caught by something else.]
[As we follow Mal's point of view, we see a battered old Firefly, soon to become "Serenity", sitting on the other side of the lot.]
SSalesman
You hear a word I been sayin'?
[Jayne hocks some spit to help sharpen his knife.]
Could you not do that while we're… ever?
[Jayne spits again.]
Wash
So, two days in a hospital? That's awful! Don't you just hate doctors?
[Unobserved by anyone, River pulls a huge carving knife out of the kitchen rack.]
Wash
I mean, present company excluded.
Let's not be excludin' people. [grins] That'd be rude.
[Suddenly, River slashes Jayne in the chest.]
. . .
[Mal and Zoe wheel out the medicine-laden containers.]
Wash
How much did we get?
Enough to keep us flying.
Can we fly somewhere with a beach?
Wash
Maybe a naked beach?
[Wash and Zoe go into a passionate embrace.]
Cut it out! The job's not done till we're back on Serenity.
Sorry, sir. Didn't mean to enjoy the moment.
[Kaylee chases River into the kitchen area and takes back the apple. She holds it up to the others in the kitchen triumphantly.]
[panting] No power in the 'verse... can stop me!
[Zoe and Wash are back at the table, eating apples and chuckling at Kaylee and River.]
[holding up an apple to Wash, before cutting it with her knife] These really are the genuine article. I could get used to being rich.
Wash
It's Jayne being so generous with his cut that confuses and frightens me.
It does kind of freeze the blood.
Zoe, how come you always cut your apples?
Wash
[to Zoe] You do?
[to Wash] Her and Cap'n both. Whenever we get fresh fruit, they never just munch on 'em.
[pauses, then replies to Kaylee] You know what a griswald is?
[just walking in] It's a grenade.
About the size of a battery, responds to pressure. Our platoon was stuck in a trench outside of New Casmir during the winter campaign. More than a week, completely cut off, and the Alliance entrenched not ten yards away. We even got to talkin' to 'em, yelling across insults and jokes and such, 'cause [there was] no ammo to speak of, no orders, so what're you gonna do? We mentioned that we were out of rations and ten minutes later, a bunch of apples rained into the trench.
Wash
[hurriedly to Kaylee] And they grew into a big tree, and they all climbed up the tree to a magical land with unicorns and a harp.
(Jayne flicks his knife open and stabs it into a nearby apple, causing Wash to jump)
Blew off their heads, huh?
Cap'n said wait, but they were so hungry...Don't make much noise, just little pops and there's three guys that kinda just...end at the rib cage.
(silence)
Wash
But these apples are healthsome, and good.
Yeah, grenades cost extra.
[walks into the kitchen and picks up an apple] We are about 20,000 miles from our last drop, people, then we can take a break and start thinking about spending some of this money.
(River sits nearby, her cheer gone, looking nauseous- none of the other crew members notice, and they cheer at the Captain's announcement..)
Wash
[whispering to Zoe] Could have made a little more.
[replying at normal level to Wash, despite his whispers] That wasn't a bad idea, Wash, but...eliminating the middle man, never as simple as it sounds.
Wash
[Looks at Zoe, who looks away] You heard about my —
About 50% of the human race is middlemen and they don't take kindly to being eliminated. This quadrant...we play nice. Got enemies enough as it is.
[Serenity lands in the desert. Wash and Zoe are in the control room.]
Wash
So...when you said that you didn't get a chance to tell the captain my idea...what you actually meant was, you told him my idea, he rejected it out of hand, and you didn't argue the point, or, even give it another thought-
Wash
And then came the lying to me about it, which for me is sort of the highlight of this little adventure.
Is there any way I'm gonna get out of this with honor and dignity?
Wash
You're pretty much down to ritual suicide, lamby-toes.
I didn't want to upset you.
Wash
What did you think of it?
Wash
Of my idea! Call the local M.D.'s- forget the fed's, let's go straight to the source. Better prices, and we know the drugs get to the right people.
Captain thinks it will get back to someone- it'd just cause trouble!
Wash
[interrupts with muttered curses in Chinese, and slams his hand down on his controls] Was I ever not asking what the captain thought!! [Gets up and almost walks out.]
Well, I tend to agree with him.
Wash
Tend to or have to? I love the fact that you two are old army buddies, and you got wacky stories with rib cages in them, but could you have an opinion of your own, please?
[glaring at Wash] You're losing the higher ground here, sweetcakes.
Wash
I'm sure you and Mal will take that hill and fortify it with the-
[now raising voice] I thought your plan was too risky. I thought.
Wash
Then tell me. I am a large, semi-muscular man. I can take it. Don't hide behind Mal 'cause you know he'll shoot it down for you. Tell me.
Right. 'Cause what this marriage needs is one more shouting match!
Wash
No, what this marriage needs is one less husband. [There is a pause between the two. Zoe looks taken aback. Wash's voice breaks when he speaks again.] Right now it's kinda crowded.
[Mal and Zoe are in the empty shuttle, preparing to leave.]
Lucrative as this stuff is, I'll be glad to see the last of it. [loading the stolen medical supplies] Kind of makes us a target for—
[checking controls and dials] Was River in here messing around? The ignition sequence is all turned about, I can't even—
Wash
[entering] I can.
Well, get it set, would you, Wash? We gotta get moving.
Wash
Here's a funny twist. No.
Wash
No, sir.
You changed the sequence?
Wash
Didn't want you taking off without me. In fact, didn't want you taking off at all. Thought I might take this run instead— me and the captain.
The captain who's standing right here, telling you that's not going to happen?
Wash
Well, it's a dangerous mission sir. [looking at Zoe] I can't stand the thought of something happening that might cause you two to come back with another thrilling tale of bonding and adventure. I just can't take that right now.
Okay [chuckling], um... I'm lost. Uh... I'm angry. And, I'm armed. So, if you two have something that you need to work out—
It's all right, sir. We've dealt with Bash before. Shouldn't be a problem. [stands to leave] And I wouldn't mind sitting this one out. [stares down Wash]
Oh, this is a fine [mutters in Chinese] but I don't have time to unwind it. Wash [nodding at Wash, clearly annoyed] get her started. Zoe, ship is yours.
[Zoe leaves.]
Wash
Bye, hon. [sarcastic] We promise not to stop for beers with the fellas! [Turning to Mal,] So... are we gonna sing army songs or something?
[The shuttle takes off.]
[Mal and Wash are flying in the second shuttle.]
Look— this thing, with you and Zoe—
Wash
Really not looking to talk on that topic.
Hey, I let that [stupid (in Chinese)] trick of yours slide back there because this is a milk run. But when I go on a mission, I'm taking Zoe, and that's the drill. You know that. I mean, what happens if we get in a situation here?
Wash
Hey, I've been in a firefight before. [Pauses] Well, I was in a fire. [Pauses] Actually, I was fired, from a fry cook opportunity. [Pauses again.] I can handle myself.
And you understand what Zoe's job entails?
Wash
[Nodding enthusiastically] I'll learn as I go.
Firefly · 283 quotes
