I don't think you should do that. It would just blow up. You'd be picking lumps of metal out of your face for a year. You'd have puffy fish lips bigger than your face.
Well, Dougal, this isn't a Bruce Willis film. I was thinking more along the lines of a raffle.
(The roof is leaking and water is dripping onto Father Jack's head down his arm and into his glass. Ted and Dougal begin to move Jack's chair away from the leak)
[being attacked by a murder of crows] Feckin' feathered eejits! Gobshites, the lot of ya!
(Ted has just convinced Father Finnegan, the 'Dancing Priest', to loan him his car to show off as a 'raffle prize' in place of the wrecked car from Bishop Brennan. Ted holds the keys in front of Dougal)
Dougal, Purcell's the most boring priest in the world. He was working in Nigeria a few years ago, and he woke up one morning to find everyone in the village had had enough of him and gone off in a big boat. It sank after about a mile and they were eaten by crocodiles.
We run the gas off the electricity and the electricity off the gas and we save two hundred pounds a year, but then a few weeks later ah god, I'll never forget it now, we got a new boiler..."
Because you know they have no morals and no respect for human life. But what they do have and no-one can deny this now, they have the finest collection of boilers in the world! And I include Canada in that!
I had to crash the car to get the money back and they had witnesses who said they'd seen me steer it towards the wall you know. There was talk of me going to jail for a while!! (Dougal gets up and walks off, he turns to the holy father) Ah its yourself!! (carries on rambling on to Him)
This is a piece of advice my father gave to me. Now this refers not only to lagging, but all forms of insulation. He said "dont ever"...no, wait, it was "always"...no er, "never, never" - oh wait now, I've forgotten. Never mind. Whats your favourite humming noise? Would it be mmm-mmmmm or would it be mmmm-mm? The first one there, now thats the sound of a fridge humming and the second one, now thats the sound of a man humming. You never hear a woman humming. I knew a woman once, but she died soon afterwards. Now if you push me to it, I'd have to say my favourite colour is grey. No, blue. A soft blue with a hint of grey. No, orange. Yes, orange. I remember now. I had an extension put on the house, and I put it on the extension, so the house is in a circle now, you see...
