I wouldn't know Ted, you big bollocks!
[astounded] I'm sorry!?
I said I wouldn't know Ted, you big bollocks!
Have you been reading those Roddy Doyle books again, Dougal!?
I have, yeah Ted, you big gobshite!
“Hell” · Season 2
In this episode: Father Dougal (7), Father Ted (6), Father Jack (1), Mrs Doyle (1)
Father Dougal (on July 19): Would that be the day the Ice Age ended?
It doesn't matter what day it is, Father. There is always time for a nice cup of tea! Sure didn't our Lord himself on the cross pause for a nice cup of tea before giving himself up for the world?
Mrs Doyle (on saying "no"): It's a lovely word Our Lord gave us here on earth for when we don't want any cake!
Father Dougal (on the Magic Road): That's nearly as mad as that thing you told me about the loaves and fishes!
Where am I? What's that (in/thing) there? Are those my feet?
Will I put on the kettle?
Go on then.
...must be one of those ones that clicks off automatically.
Mmm...bit of steam there. Incidentally, did you bring any teabags?
...no.
Kettle's boiled there Ted.
Mmm.
Will I put more water in and turn it on again?
No... I liked it best the first time.
Father Ted is demonstrating some plastic toy cows to Dougal.
...OK, one last time. These are small... but the ones out there are far away. Small... far away... ah forget it!
Do you want to walk over to that fence?
Oh no, best not; I don't want to blow up with excitement
Father Noel Furlong (on Tony Lynch): He wasn't like that last night when he crawled into bed at ten past the eleven!
Father Noel Furlong (on Ted and Dougal's strong bladders): Ye're like a bunch of camels!
Father Noel Furlong (on Ted): Who's a bit of a moaning Michael tonight!
Father Dougal (as Ted struggles with the car door): You're alright there, Ted. He's a fair bit away ... it might be worth speeding up a bit there.
God Ted, he's probably very cold now that his towel has blown away!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Father Ted pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.