[Ally drew a mustache on Jeffrey]
Can Hitler have a juice-box?
S1 E3I Wish I Were Gus
Hey, do you know what I think is really sexy?
What?
A man who does the dishes.
No, does nothing for me... Do you know what does it for me? A woman who does the dishes... with another woman!
Some funeral, huh?
Yeah.
Wanna do it?
Hi, I'm Ray. I'm here to talk about... Gus Barone.
Haaaaarrrr!!!
Thank you.
S1 E4Standard Deviation
You know I read somewhere where the happiest marriages are the ones where the man is smarter.
Oh, guess who wrote that...
[Ray puts away tax papers and sits next to Debra]
You promised you'd get this done!
That's not the point. The point is that... I will rub your feet!
You gotta, you gotta get this done.
[Ray pulls off Debra's socks and starts rubbing her bare feet]
Don't worry, in fact the whole idea of rubbing feet makes me sick.
Just shut up and rub.
[Ray continues to massage her feet, but starts tickling them as well]
That's not rubbing, that's tickling!
[Robert walks in]
Glad to see you're not busy.
[Ray is still caressing Debra's bare feet]
What makes you think we're not busy, Rob?
There's more than one kind of intelligence Ray.
That's right. There's STREET SMARTS!
[Debra smashes a bowl of ice cream into Ray's lap]
Mmm, fudgey.
S1 E5Look Don't Touch
[Andy is staring at Angelina, the attractive waitress.]
So, Angelina, how are you?
AAngelina
Did you want something?
No, thanks. I just thought we could talk.
[Angelina walks away] Ahh, did you smell her?
No, I read the sign Bernie, "Thank You for not smelling the help."
Oh, man look at her. If I wasn't married, do you know what I'd do?
You'd wear the same underwear every day.
Hello, ladies!
What are you doing here?
Hehehe, I came to check out the new waitress.
Oh god.
AAngelina
Hello, will you be staying for lunch?
Holy Crap! Uh....yes, I will, thank you.
[Marie thinks Ray might have an affair with Angelina, the attractive waitress]
Marie, I'm not worried. I trust Ray.
Oh, I'm not worried about Raymond either, dear. I'm worried about that pizza parlor putana!
[to Angelina] I'm sorry that was rude of me. This is Debra, the little lady. I don't mean little in a size way, or that she doesn't matter. She's my lady. She's my great big lady.
S1 E6Frank, the Writer
Michael threw his milk at me!
Isn't that great? That could be my second story! The digest loves a naughty baby.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Everybody Loves Raymond pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.