Are they mistakin' me for Marion Barry?
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
Well, once again, I learned a lesson. I learned that movies can teach you almost as much as books can, but in the process, I lost the best teacher I ever had.
So, what made you think of this, anyway, Chris?
Well, I remembered that Jaws was a book before a movie, so I figured they made a movie out of The Invisible Man.
I wish they'd start makin' movies into books. Popcorn gettin' expensive.
TTTopless Teacher
Does anyone know what these are?
Reason her husband cries?
Beaver tails?
WDWalter Dickerson
I don't know why we need to learn about history, anyway. What difference does it make who won World War III? It's over. The Japanese won, and now we have Walkmans.
Thank God Italy won World War IV and we got pizza.
When Dickerson said, "My man," it was like bein' vice president.
Anything can happen at any time. A toilet could fall outta the sky and crush you. A bus door could clamp on your neck and choke you. A poisonous lizard could escape from the zoo and bite you. You could fall off a bridge and drown, and you could trip and fall in front of a power mower and be decapitated. You could be smokin' a cigarette and blow up while siphonin' 65 cents' worth of gas, and you could eat some bad coleslaw and get diarrhea and die of dehydration. You could step in a puddle and be electrocuted by a downed wire. You could blow your nose and startle a cat with rabies...
OK, OK, we get it! We can die at any time, and you're happy!
At school, things were gettin' ugly, but to my father, life was beautiful.
If you keepin' score, that's happy: zero, my mother: one.
Do I have black sunglasses and a piano?
Actually, he did.
Don't you already have two jobs? You want another one?
That's like asking Amy Winehouse if she wants another drink.
’’’Julius’’’: What’s the job?
’’’Mr. Omar’’’: Well, my dear assistant died today.
’’’Julius’’’: Oh no! What happened?
’’’Mr. Omar’’’: Well he went to the dollar theater to watch the movie “Airplane” but ironically. A chemical toilet dropped out of an airplane, crashed through the roof and crushed him. Tragic! Tragic!
PPriest
Are you Christopher?
Yeah.
PPriest
Dickerson said you can get the Devil out of this little girl. [we see a possessed girl next to him]
While I had it hard, my father became a soft touch.
Hey, I need $10 for gas.
Regular or premium?
Premium!
[giving Risky some money] Here you go.
My man! [walks off]
I need to get my hairdryer fixed.
Just buy yourself a new one. [gives Vanessa some money]
Ooh! [walks off]
I need some ammo for my bazooka.
Anti-tank or anti-personnel?
Anti-tank, of course.
[giving Monk some money] Here you go.
Thank you. [walks off]
Can you lemme hold some bail money?
And get yourself a lawyer, too. [gives Jerome some money]
PPoliceman
C'mon, boy. [drags Jerome away]
I didn't do nothin'.
Doc's told me so much about you.
He didn't tell me a thing about you.
When Stacy said I had to work for her, she meant it. I had to go for groceries, get her dry cleaning, and mine her coal.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Everybody Hates Chris pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.