Maxine quotes from Everybody Hates Chris

Maxine

Rochelle, can't you make a decent glass of iced tea?

Chris

Well, can't you leave her alone? It's iced tea! If you're thirsty, well, then you drink it! If you're not, don't!

Narrator

I would be joining my grandfather sooner than I thought.

Maxine

Are you gonna sit there and let that boy talk to me like that? [to Chris] Boy, don't you know I'll knock you into another family?

Who are you?

Chris

You don't wanna know.

Rochelle

Who ate my Turtles?

Maxine

Oh, is that what you call them things? I ate them, but they was nasty. What's in those things, anyway?

Rochelle

If you didn't like them, why did you eat them? Mama, I am sick of you. Ever since you got here, you have not stopped complaining. Just because Daddy is dead does not mean that you can come into my house and tell everybody what to do. And Michael, get your feet off of my damn couch before I slap the jam out of your toes. Aunt Grievey, stop all that crying. You cried on Easter. You cried on Halloween. You cried on Flag Day. Get some Kleenex, wipe your nose 'cause it ain't that damn sad. And hang up my phone! And Aunt Mousey, take off your coat and speak up. You're over there peeping and squeaking.

Rochelle

You sound like a damn rat. Use your words! You're damn near 60 years old! And, Mama, the next time you want to eat my Turtles, the least you could do is like them.

Narrator

She's back!

Maxine

I'm too old for a blind date!

Narrator

She wouldn't say that if it was Stevie Wonder.

Julius

[about the dinner Maxine served him] I can't eat this. My gout'll flare up.

Maxine

Oh, don't worry, that's oven-fried chicken.

Maxine

Looks like somebody's gonna get some pizza.

Narrator

If all studying was rewarded with pizza, then Charles Barkley would have won a Nobel Prize.

Maxine

Teaching is a skill, no different than flying a plane.

Narrator

Except you don't fall 35,000 feet to your death.