Tasha quotes from Everybody Hates Chris

Narrator

If Tasha were here to do her voice-over, she would admit that she's heartbroken.

[narrating] No, I wouldn't. I wasn't heartbroken, I don't even remember this happening.

Tasha

So I'll see you later?

Chris

Um, yeah. OK.

Narrator

While Tasha silently suffered in Brooklyn...

[narrating] I wasn't suffering then and I'm not suffering now— I don't care.

Tasha

I don't think you're supposed to have your feet on the table.

Chris

Ain't nobody ask you.

Young man, I'm gonna have to ask you to take your feet off the table.

Chris

What if I don't feel like it?

Then I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.

Chris

[stands up] What if I don't feel like doing that, either?

You're with the Employee of the Month, aren't you?

Rochelle

What is goin' on over there?

Julius

Is that Chris?

Rochelle

[outraged] What?

Rochelle

[yells] CHRIS!

Chris

[angrily] WHAT?!

Rochelle

Hey, baby.

Chris

[weakly] Ma?

How's everything going in here?

Rochelle

Doctor, is he going to be okay?

[about the X-ray of Rochelle's shoe stuck in Chris' butt] Well, I think we'll be able to get it out, but you won't be able to wear that shoe again. Hang in there, big guy.

Rochelle

How you feeling, sweetie?

Chris

Not too good.

Rochelle

Well, why were you acting like that?

Chris

Just trying to impress Tasha.

Rochelle

[confused] By acting like an idiot?

Chris

No. She said she liked bad boys, like Flavor Flav. Trying to act like him.

Narrator

Without the money.

Rochelle

Baby, you can only be who you are. If she doesn't want you, then you don't want her.

Narrator

That day, I learned the most important lesson in life: Be yourself, or get a pump in your ass.

Rochelle

Mommy's gonna get you some ice chips, okay?

Narrator

Better get a shoehorn, too.

Rochelle

[to Tasha] Hi, sweetie.

Tasha

[to Rochelle] Hi. [to Chris] Hey, Chris.

Chris

Tasha?

Tasha

Yeah. Are you okay?

Chris

Yeah, I'll be fine. I just wanted to apologize for acting like such an idiot. Forgive me?

Tasha

Yeah, it's okay. That's what friends are for.

Narrator

Thanks, Dionne Warwick.

Tasha

[seeing Chris' X-Ray.] Is this your X-ray?

Chris

Yeah.

Tasha

Boy, you so crazy.

Narrator

Crazy like a boy with a shoe up his butt.

Tasha

Mom, why do you always have to do this?

Tasha, please stop talkin' to me like I'm your daughter.

Tasha

Boy, you so crazy.

Narrator

Oh, I'm crazy, all right.

Greg

Oh, man! You're gonna be so in there! I can't believe you ran it down! I only just ran. What'd she say?

Chris

She said she'll think about it.

Greg

But what does that mean?

Chris

It means, "Lemme check every option, see if I can get someone I want, and if not, I'll go out with you."

Narrator

When she said every option, she meant every option. She checked blind guys.

Tasha

Do you have a girlfriend?

Yeah, girl. What are you, blind?

Narrator

She checked dangerous guys.

Tasha

Do you have a girlfriend?

Yeah, he does! Now gimme your money!

Narrator

She even checked guys who were girls.

Tasha

Do you have a girlfriend?

I'm my own girlfriend.

Tasha

What'd you get me?

Narrator

A big box of nothin'.

Chris

I got a surprise for you later.

Tasha

You do? What is it?

Narrator

It's a surprise to me, too.

Chris

Well, I wanted to wait till later, but, you know, after I get home from school, I wanted to celebrate with you. I'll bring your present then.

Narrator

Good one!

Tasha

Ooh! And then we can go to Mr. Woo's and get some Chinese food. And then we can talk about what this crazy girl said to me at school. And then we can talk about...

Narrator

Another thing I learned quickly is that much like bin Laden, girlfriends like to make plans, and those plans did not include Greg.

Narrator

The best thing about the girl next door is that she's right next door, and the worst is that she's right next door.

Tasha

I will not be ignored, Chris.

Narrator

I'm lucky I don't have a pet rabbit.

Narrator

After everything I'd been through with Tasha and as crazy as she acted, she really did have a point. Breakin' up over one fight wasn't worth it, and if she didn't think it was over, then it wasn't over.

Tasha

Oh, Chris.

Chris

Hey. I was mad earlier.

Tasha

I noticed.

Chris

It's not that I want to break up with you. I just think we need to get clear about some things.

Tasha

Like what?

Chris

First of all, you cannot cancel my work so we can go hang out.

Tasha

OK.

Chris

And I'm sorry that I overreacted. I'm new to this relationship stuff.

Tasha

OK.

Chris

Good. [tries to kiss Tasha, but she rejects him] What's wrong?

Tasha

I am breaking up with you.

Chris

I thought you said that we were still together.

Tasha

Until I said we were breaking up. We're breaking up. See ya, wouldn't wanna be ya.

Narrator

Me, either.