So, should I be looking over my shoulder for your father with a shotgun?
No, my brother Julio. He packs a .45.
E.R. · Season 3
So, should I be looking over my shoulder for your father with a shotgun?
No, my brother Julio. He packs a .45.
How many people know about me and Chuny Marquez?
Including the cleaning crew?
I killed a man and no one around here seems to give a damn.
Carter, what's the difference between a prostate and a garden hose?
I have no idea.
I'll tell you: There's a vas deferens.
[to the interns] Most interns send their samples to the lab without knowing what happens once they're there. Let's pretend that we're a urine sample and find out.
We got a situation here.
Well, I spoke to Mary Cain and she says she doesn't know who leaked it.
And you believed her?
Yeah, I did.
We had an agreement on the table to protect current staffing levels and management just pulled it. They're gonna use this to renege on the whole contract.
I'm sorry to hear that.
You had no idea they were gonna use this incident against us?
No, I didn't. What? You think I'm lying to you?
I don't know anymore, Carol.
You and management can fight and scream and tear each other's hair out for all I care. I've got a patient.
Change in plans. Simon's got the gunshot. We're doing the appy.
The appy?
Disappointed?
Yeah. They're kind of boring.
You haven't seen the patient yet.
[Carter looks out the window and sees Dr. Benton being wheeled down the hall on a gurney]
Ohhhhhhhh, there is a God.
This is ridiculous. I do not need hand-washing lessons!
Scrub hard, Jerry to scrape off the bacteria.
But the most important thing is to wash your hands after you go to the bathroom.
What, every time?
[Dr. Carter is performing an appendectomy on Dr. Benton]
I am ready to close.
Nice work, Carter.
Thanks. Maybe I'll staple my name into his belly.
How did you end up going out with two women on the same night?
Scheduling mix-up. Any suggestions?
Dinner with one, drinks with the other.
Yeah... I think they're both expecting the works.
Who do you like more?
Well, Heather's a lot of fun.
Fun's good.
Polly, she's... she's very spiritual.
Spiritual like what? Like, like crystals or something?
Heather's got Bulls tickets.
Bulls! Say no more.
Yeah, you're right. I'll call Polly. I'll make up an excuse and go out with her tomorrow night.
You're playing with fire here.
I can juggle.
You're gonna get burnt. Women can smell deceit.
You ought to know.
Those days are long gone, my friend.
So, what do you do now?
Give advice.
I thought you had a date.
Canceled.
They busted you?
They busted me.
Men are so stupid. How many women were you dating when you were with me?
Just you.
Really?
Yeah, you know, except for that night when my neighbor, the ballerina, broke up with her boyfriend. You know, I had to comfort her.
Yeah, so that was like a public service.
Yeah. Other than that, I was totally faithful.
Oh, I feel blessed.
[as he runs by] Morning, Leon! Morning, Miss Hathaway!
Slow down there, Robert!
Carol': I hate that he calls me "Miss Hathaway."
Yeah, it's a real crime when kids show that kind of respect.
I love America! Everyone has a job here!
[yelling to Robert, who's in the bathroom] Come on out now, you can't throw up forever! We're all eating free hot dogs out here! Don't you want one? [to Carol] That's a stupid thing to say if he's chucking up. You try.
We've missed you around here.
I've missed it, too. I love my job, Kerry.
I know.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's E.R. pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.