E.R. quotes

Hope

When I was 8, I found this book in my parents' bedroom: Sex and the Christian Marriage. And the very first page, it said, "Orgasms bring a couple closer to God." So that night at the dinner table, I asked my parents what an orgasm was.

What did they say?

Hope

An orgasm is a very special kind of prayer. Which is fine, and actually kind of sweet. But like, later that week, I had my first sleepover at a friend's house, so her mom asked me what my bedtime routine is, and I said "Bath, tooth brushing, orgasm, sleep."

You did not!

Hope

I did! I was never invited back.

[Morris walks in on Pratt and Abby watching an online adult video] What are you guys watching?

Abby

It's a website, hosted by a couple of our patients.

Pratt

Does that look consensual to you?

Oh yeah! That's sensual.

Abby

[smacks Morris over the head] Consensual.

Frank

Gates, your patient stopped breathing.

Gates

Nah, he's just holding his breath. He does it for attention.

Frank

Well, he's been holding his breath for ten minutes.

Neela

[after Ray ends up in a hospital after being hit by a truck causing him to lose his legs] Is there anything I can do?

Ray

No.

Neela

Would you like me to tell anyone at County?

Ray

No. I really don't want you to do anything.

Neela

You know, I was so worried about you, I even went to our... your apartment.

Ray

Well, it's up for lease if you want to move back in. No ramps.

Neela

You know the night this... after you left the wedding, I tried calling you 'cause I wanted to talk, I was hoping...

Ray

I know, I know, I was checking the message when I got hit. So I know.

Ray

I've waited for you. I trusted you. I fought for you and I even fell in love with you. But for what? So you could just keep running back to Gates.

Neela

No, I'm not. That's what I've been trying to tell you. It's over. Tony and I are done.

Ray

Well, it doesn't really matter now, does it?

What I want is for us to live in mortal fear of doing something wrong, of missing something and having somebody else pay the price for that. And I want us to use that fear to make us better. I am not here because I need the work. I'm here because I wanna save the world. The way we're gonna do it is to reinvent the way we practice medicine every day. Right now, right here, on the front.

Abby

You're not lost, are you? If you need directions...

No, no. [pauses] You know why we're here? Because of war. Without it, you would be a pediatrician or an oncologist. I'd probably still be losing my mind in the ICU.

Abby

War, huh?

Uh huh. Emergency medicine is actually the result of centuries of warfare. It's a field that was defined by doctors and nurses, in bombed out buildings, trying to take care of patients on dirty canvas stretchers. And performing procedures in tent hospitals that were literally hundreds of feet away from where the battles raged. And these people, our predecessors, they had a simple primary focus: survival. And down in the bunkers they dug in deep, to try to save their patients lives and to try to save their own lives. And they ended up giving life to this whole new art form. This great collaborative enterprise, that we still carry on today. That's why we're here.

Abby

[nods her head] You don't get out much, do you?

You know, when I touch you like this, we are exchanging matter on a subatomic particle level.

Gates

Right, well, I don't know where your atoms have been, so it's best if you just keep them to yourself.

Do you have any medical problems?

No... my skin becomes transparent occasionally, I can see my organs, but...

Abby

Trauma panel, and a catheterized urine. Sorry, we gotta do it.

Neela

Bollocks.

Where you girls going?

Dawn

Speed dating at Ike's.

Frank

What the heck is speed dating?

It's a way for losers to meet other losers fast.

Abby

Hi. I got some magazines. And your favorite, gummy worms.

[not paying attention] Thank you.

Abby

And um, and Brad Pitt. He's outside. He's over Angelina and the whole adoption thing, and he wants you.

Dubenko

[to Abby] You think after years of doing this you start to get a handle on people. The reality is, everybody lies and manipulates to get what they want.

[over the loudspeaker, to a hung-over patient who is yelling to God that he's going to die] Bernie, this is God! Hurry it up already!

A toast: to meeting nice guys.

Chuny

To falling in love.

Dawn

To sex without batteries.