The Janjaweed have turned this place into the wild wild west.
S12 E15Darfur
Dr. Clemente is an excellent physician with some personal issues. That's certainly nothing new around here.
She was like this in the Congo?
She was worse.
At least in the Congo we had television... beer... I'm not saying anything about anyone's religion, but this place would drive anybody to drink.
[noticing a gift basket full of baby items] Hey, what's this?
Oh, that's for you and the little bastard.
Thanks, Frank.
Hey, congratulations!
Thank you. It was supposed to be a secret. [looks pointedly at Morris]
Wha- everybody was saying you were getting puffy! I was trying to defend you!
I'm getting puffy?
You're not getting puffy.
S12 E16Out on a Limb
...And in Curtain One, a severe case of over-golding.
Over- whating?
Prepare to be amazed.
Got anything for me, Chief?
Oh, yes. For you: Anal warts-
Every girl's dream.
And raw oyster anphylaxis.
Ugh, how can anyone eat those things?
They're supposed to be an aphrodisiac.
Trust me, they work.
All right, Who left a kielbasa in the drug fridge? This is a clear JCAHO violation. Who didn't know that?
I'm guessing Frank, his name's on it.
Well, someone tell him to keep his sausage to himself.
[to Neela about her cookies] Yeah, uhm... After careful consideration from your ER peers, plus Hector in janitorial services...
Just the feeling is, your cookies are...
The worst cookies ever made in the history of baking.
[laughing] Shut up. [long, silent pause, then angrily, while leaving] Bollocks to you all!
[calling after her] The truth hurts!
[to an anemic patient] Did you hit your head when you passed out?
RERichard Elliott
I don't think so, but then I was unconscious at the time.
ESElliott's driver
He was slumped over in the back seat, but he was wearing his seatbelt.
SSam
Malik, a little help?
RERichard Elliott
What, are you givin' away free toasters here or somethin'?
S12 E17Lost in America
You know, I once ate a hash brownie before giving a big talk in Amsterdam. I mistakenly thought that it would take an hour to kick in...suddenly I was up on stage, completely out of my head, lecturing to a room full of biochemists in a faux French accent.
Abby, you get fever rash. I will take dog bite to the ear lobe. Wait, no...you take dog bite and I'll take the rash. It could be Rubella. We wouldn't want our baby getting a TORCH infection.
What?
TORCH infection. You know, herpes.
I know what a TORCH infection is.
Then you know it wouldn't be good for our baby.
Why do you keep calling it "our" baby?
I don't mean our baby like you and me. I mean like our baby, like an ER mascot.
This baby isn't anybody's mascot. [she walks away]
Oh, come on! Don't go away mad!
Ray! Meet my kids!
Your what?
I needed some extra cash in college, donated to a sperm bank. Best job I ever had, by the way.
[talking to the mother of a Turkish girl who died on the table] This is the hardest thing for any parent to experience.
PSPatient's mother
How do you protect them from all the evil of the world?
You can't. No matter what you do, you can't.
[after learning that the girl had been stabbed by her Islamic fundamentalist brother] This was an honor killing?
PSPatient's mother
[sobbing] Yes- yes, that's what they call it. But there is no honor here.
S12 E18Strange Bedfellows
Good Lord, what is that?
What?
That smell. It's really bad. It smells like... ass.
You do realize how close you are to the ER?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's E.R. pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.