Johnny Drama quotes from Entourage

Drama

This is kind of embarrassing, but sometimes I wake up in the morning fully tented. Any advice?

Well, at your age, consider yourself lucky.

Drama

How fucking old do you think I am?

Drama

One day you're lighting up in front of a dozen adults at a Bat Mitzvah, the next you're cruisin' Santa Monica Boulevard offering handjobs for a crack rock.

Which one of you did that? [Drama looks guilty.]

Drama

I remember I broke up with Stacy Laruzzo a week before Valentine's Day. I got back with her a week after. No chocolates, no roses...

Eric

No class.

Turtle

He cries in front of her, shows her he's sensitive... bang! He moves right in.

Drama

Yeah. His tears will basically act as a lubricant.

Drama

Are you my agent or not?

You were a family deal, Johnny. If Vince isn't a client, I'm afraid you're not a client.

[laughs] Karma is a bitch! [referring to how Drama got him banned from the Playboy Mansion. Drama tries to punch Davies but Turtle holds him back] We're in a fucking meeting, man.

Drama

You promised me something I would steal. [gets Davies' office TV]

Taking his TV, what're you a fucking Surreal Life cast member, you freak? [laughs]

Drama

[to Davies] I'll see you on the outside! [marches out of office]

Get a life, loser boy!

Drama

It's like chummin' for sharks, Vince. You throw enough blood and guts in the water, you're bound to catch a great white.

Eric

Yeah, except there's gonna be fifty girls at the party who all show up thinkin' they're your dates.

Turtle

And what happens when fifty sharks show up lookin' for their goodies, E? [with Drama] Feeding frenzy!

Ma?

Yeah, baby?

I love you and I've never pressured you to come out. Not for any of my premieres, not when I bought my house, but I didn't realize how big a night this is until a little while ago, and it's important to me that I share it with you. So I'll send a boat, I'll send a plane, I'll do whatever I have to do, but I want you by my side when I walk down that red carpet.

Shauna

[at engineer's room] This is moving shit.

Drama

Yeah. It still won't work.

Ma?

Vince?

Yeah?

All right, I will do it. I'm coming. [Vince is elated]

Yeah! You gout yourself a date! [repeats last line many times]

Ari

[to Turtle] Hey, moron. He's 13.

Drama

In celeb years, it's like 30.

Eric

So what's that make you, Drama? Like, 140?

Drama

So you're admitting I'm a celeb.

Drama

You hearing this guy, E?

I hate being seen over here with this guy, Drama.

Drama

It's hysterical. [Drinks coffee]

Hysterical's waking up at 5am thinking somebody's been murdered.

Turtle

Guy's been out of commission for five years, he's making up for lost time.

Drama

[checks watch after girl reaches orgasm] Couple of minutes more he would have had my record beat.

Drama

You know what they say: "An actor with a no agent is..."

Eric

Is what?

Drama

Is fucked!

Drama

She was ice cold. Did you hear what she said to me when I asked to buy her a drink?

Eric

No, what?

Drama

"No, thank you." What a bitch.

Drama

Freud says there are no accidents...

Eric

Oh yeah? [To Turtle and Drama] You two crossed swords during your threesome. Accident?

Turtle

It could be fun, Vince. Like that time you got auctioned off at the Feed the World event.

Jesus. Remember that Cuban guy who bought me and wanted me to come live with him in Havana?

Drama

The guy never sent me those Cuban cigars he promised. I should call.

Turtle

Yeah. Ask him if he knows any good lefties for the Yanks' bullpen while you're at it.

Drama

You know, Eddie Burns offered me Brothers McMullen. True story. But I took a TV show instead.

Turtle

Was that when you did your full-frontal Red Shoe Diary?

Drama

No. That's when I did my three-episode arc on 90210, sexually harassing Tori Spelling.

Turtle

Nice choice.

Turtle

Wait 'til you see dinner. I got ten of the best strippers in town joining us tonight.

Drama

Strippers -- why?

Turtle

Now shouldn't it be "Strippers -- how?" and "Thank you"?

Thank you.