Ari Gold quotes from Entourage

The slut that ruined your best friend's career and marriage is still working in your office and if that was not enough, for some reason you were spinning her around like you just won Dancing with the Stars.

Why, I-

Why were you spinning her around?

I just got the call from the NFL and I was excited. I have dreamt since I was a little kid of owning a football team. I would have spun Lloyd around if he was in front of me - and if I could lift him.

I don't like that girl, Ari, and I don't like her one bit! I still don't understand why you didn't fire her last year.

If I was gonna fire anyone it should have been Andrew.

You know what? Maybe you should have fired them both.

Ari Gold

Lizzie, can I talk to you for a second?

Lizzie Grant

About what, Ari?

Ari

I was hoping that we could part on good terms.

Lizzie

[snickers] you can go fuck yourself, Ari.

Ari

Now is that nice? I'm preparing a nice severance package for you.

Lizzie

Wow.

Ari

You don't want me angry when I'm writing you a check?

Lizzie

No, I don't. What I want you to do Is shove that severance package up your fucking ass.

Ari

If you were my daughter -

Lizzie

If I was your daughter I would blow my fucking brains out. Look, Ari, you might think I'm some sort of cute little pushover, but you screwed me and I am going to do everything I can to pay you back.

Ari

Is it that time of the month for you, Lizzie? Because I think that your hormones are making your brain forget who you are threatening!!

Lizzie

You don't scare me, Ari, not even a little bit.

I don't know why you're being so aggressive. I'm just is, Andrew coming back?

Ari

Have we not had a good six months without him?

Answer the fucking question.

Ari

No, he is not coming back. He is a coke-fiend sex addict who wrote checks out of this company's account to buy hookers. So no, he will never work here again. Addiction's a disease.

You have no sympathy. I have sympathy.

Ari

I'm just trying to help your career.

My career's in great shape.

Ari

It's gotten even better since you got here, right?

I like that Lizzie.

Ari

Well don't, because she's bad news.

If I've gotta have an agent, why can't I have one who's attractive - and bright and attractive?

Ari

You know she's not gonna fuck you, right?

I'm certain that's not what I meant.

Ari

You know she fucked Andrew?

Seriously?

Ari

That's what caused his whole spiral. It wasn't the drugs. It was her evil pussy that lured him in. That's why I have no sympathy.

Ari

Lloyd!

Lloyd

Yes?

Ari

What would you say about my treatment of you over the last five years?

Lloyd

Treatment?

Ari

This is Jim Lefkowitz, Lloyd. Our attorney.

Lloyd

Attorney? What's going on?

Ari

The lovely Lizzie Grant may sue me.

And you, Lloyd, and everyone who works here may be asked to describe how Ari treats his employees. So what would you say?

Lloyd

Ari has always been gracious and lovely, fair, and reasonable. This has been a dreamlike job from minute one.

And would you say that if you were under oath, facing a perjury charge and possible jail time?

Lloyd

Oh God, I can't do time, Ari. I don't think anybody in my family could. I'm sorry.

Ari

Jerry, how are you?

Better than you, it seems. I've just gotten off the phone with our publicist.

Ari

It's all lies and rumors, my friend. Listen, I can clean it all up.

It doesn't matter. I don't do scandal. The NFL doesn't do scandal. It's too bad. We were excited about this.

Ari

So was I.

Good luck with this thing.

Ari

Thank you. [Jones hangs up]

Ari

If you don't want to talk and you don't want to have sex, what else is there to do in here?

Do you want to talk?

Ari

I'd rather have sex.

You're sorry, sorry for what? [stands up] You're sorry for leaking slanderous, out-of-context -

Sit down.

[gestures hand to Mrs Ari] - nonsense about me, huh, and for rifling through all of my hard work to steal my football team?

No, no, your false-

Fuck you.

Ari!

No no, hold on a second! I've never hit a woman in my entire life, but I swear in my mind, right now, I am pummeling your smug face to a pulp for everything you've done to me, my career, and my family. But not to worry, alright because I will prevail, because I'm a winner, and you're a whore with more cleavage than talent, and I WILL NOT STOP UNTIL I DESTROY YOU!

Mr Gold, I have to insist that you leave.

Excellent choice, because I have a life to destroy!

Say something!

What is there to say? [stammers and walks out]

Hello?

[At a UNICEF event] What the fuck are you thinking?!?!

What's the problem?

What, you wouldn't think that Bobby Flay wouldn't tell me that you were out on a date?

Well, I guess the Bro Code's out the window when you're fucking someone's wife.

I am indeed hurt and quite frankly embarrassed!

How do you think I felt?

Anyone else, Ari? I mean, even if you insist on throwing it in my face, I could deal with anyone else!

What do you mean?

I always knew you were fucking Dana Gordon!

It's not true. Not since 1992.

Even when I moved out here?

I have NEVER cheated on you...but it's nice to know you still care.

How are you gonna look at me, Ari?

Yo, GRILL-MASTER! [marches inside house with Mrs Ari trying to stop him] Are you in my fucking house? I got a new show for you, it's called Boy Meets Husband Who Kills Him!

[appears from kitchen] I'm not hiding, Ari.

Well, you should!

[holds him back] Please, Bobby!

Melissa, it's okay.

[distraught about what he just saw] I don't fucking believe it.

What, what don't you believe? What, more lies about how all you care about is how happy I am? You're so full of shit.

I have never hidden who I am, obviously you have. I have no idea who you are. From hereon out, we're gonna let the lawyers handle everything. [steps back] Look honey, I've changed. I'm leaving my house, with you and your barbecueing boytoy in it. No fight, no cops called, no tears, no beating his fucking face in. [leaves]

Lloyd

Are you okay, Ari?

Ari

This character... [stands up] He loses his wife and his family, travels halfway around the world to save these guys so they can be with their loving families. You know what the saddest part is?

Lloyd

No?

Ari

I don't even have my dog. This job, Vince...it's all I've got. Is your department ready?

Lloyd

That's why I'm here. They're waiting.

Ari

Let's do this. [Ari meets agents at conference room and throws script on table] I don't know most of you. Why would I? I don't deal with TV, I especially don't deal with made-for-TV movies. This is different. Vince Chase wants this for his brother Johnny. Now we all know that Johnny Chase may have limited talent, but like a child with special needs, a real family member will stand by his side. A real family member will buy that child's way into Harvard, if that's what it takes. Vince Chase is standing by his brother, and I'm standing by both of them. Now I want every available option on how to get this movie made on the table by the end of the day. Whoever succeeds will forever be my family member. Whoever doesn't will be cleaning tanning beds in fucking Rancho Cucamonga-

[cuts in] I'm sorry Ari, Dana Gordon's on the phone for you.

Ari

[to agents] Looks like I just did your job for you. You're all fired.

I want you back here, Ari.

Ari Gold

Not gonna happen, John.

You passed on running my studio once, which I thought was asinine. Are you really silly enough to pass on an offer from me twice?

Ari

Your studio head is doing a great job. You don't need me.

I don't want you to replace her. I want you to replace me...as chairman and CEO. It's my time, and yours. [drinks]

Ari

John...

This is not just about movies, it's about a film division that grossed four billion. It's about a television network and three premium cable networks. You want a sports franchise? Buy one yourself, 'Cause there'll only be a handful of other people making the sort of money you'll be making. And while everyone you know may own the fanciest clothes and the best cars, you will own the companies that sell 'em. You wanna know what Heaven really is, Ari? Try being God. Ari?

Ari

[flabbergasted at the offer] John, I just got here.

You're the only guy for this and you know it. Rest. Relax. I'll try you again in one week. [hangs up]