[to Ed, on his denial of her engagement] I am desperate for you to accept that...because if you don't, it's the end of us.
S3Miss Stuckeyville
S3The Road
I'm thrilled you seem to have gotten over Carol. I'm concerned that you seem to have fallen in love with a man.
[about Eli] Look at him squirm now that the chair's on the other foot...or should I say ass?
[on Eli's forfeit] I've enjoyed a lot of victories in my life but for some reason, this one is particularly sweet.
FFrank
[to Ed] I didn't find happiness on the road...I was happy before I left.
S3Charlotte and Wilbur
That's why God put me here, assuming there is a God and he puts people places.
Can't talk. Eating fried pie. Experiencing nirvana.
The future's going to throw things at you, like it or not. I say 'Bring it on'.
[to Warren] Are you here to join us or are you going to strip naked and show us your number two pencil?
RVRich Vessey
[discovering his colon polyp is benign] Well hello red meat and cigars!
S3The Divorce
[to Carol, about Ed] If you care enough about the person, you may never get over it.
[to Ed] Is your brain made out of linoleum all of a sudden?
S3May the Best Man Win
Oysters are pretty blank in the brain department, especially when they're fried.
[narrating a slide show] Here's Carol and Dennis becoming a 'we'.
[to Ed, thinking Jen is a stripper] Jennifer. Huh. How do these dancers come up with these names?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Ed pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.