Ed Stevens quotes from Ed

Ed

[explaining to Eli why he`s following Carol to New York] I'm not desperate, Eli; I guess you could say I'm in love.

Ed

[as Ed`s story about Carol`s move to NYC kicks into gear] I'm gonna need s'more root beer.

Ed

[after Carol explains that it`s out-of-fashion in NYC] Trucker cap, I hardly knew ye.

Ed

[about talking to Carol's father] If you're gonna ask a man for his daughter's hand in marriage, the least you can do is put on a suit and tie and buy him a steak.

Ed

[as he and Carol decide where to honeymoon] Gracias or Mahalo?

Ed

[his wedding toast] I've always believed that life is divided into two parts: what is and what should be. And that, with a lot of effort, some hard work, and maybe a little luck, there are moments in your life when the two parts touch. When what is and what should be are the same. I guess I can't help but think that standing here next to Carol, next to my wife, and in front of all of you friends and family, all of us here inside this crazy, beautiful, dumpy old bowling alley which I love, I can't help but think that this is one of those times. And I thank you.

Mike

[to Ed] Who would win in a fight - a big, strong guy or an invisible fat guy?

Ed

A big, strong guy.

Mike

What if the invisible fat guy has a whip?

Ed

Is it an invisible whip?

Nancy

This is the worst episode of the McLaughlin group ever.

Phil

I manage a bowling alley. It's my job to trade in dreams and illusions. Oh my child, you wouldn't understand...

Ed

Phil, get your hand off my face.

Ed

Bear my children.

Carol

Would you settle for a Velamint?

Ed

Absolutely

Life is about opening doors...to new places, new people, new opportunities.

Ed

What kinds of opportunities have you gotten by acting like a raving lunatic?

Phil

Where there's chaos, there's opportunity, baby!

Ed

I'm in hell.

Carol

No matter what changes, the past is always part of me.

Ed

The past is all well and good. I feel I need to start working on my future.

Ed

Carol, in my opinion, you and I have only one problem and that problem is you're in love with me but you're too afraid to admit it to yourself.

Carol

My honest opinion is you're in love with some ideal version of me that I can't possibly live up to.

Frankie

[To her boyfriend] And this is the famous Ed Stevens.

Ed

If I were really famous, you wouldn't have to say my name.

Ed

[to Carol] Everywhere I went, I saw us... I love you. I love every part of you.

Carol

Can I please kiss you now?