[trying on a suit] This is the best anyone has ever looked.
GladstoneWell, Green Bean, if you wanna be a winner, you need to look like a winner. [to the tailor] And you can bill my suit to the room, please.
TTailor
Oh, no no no no no, Mr. Gladstone. I cannot do this. It would be such a great honor for me to know that you are out in the world wearing this suit! [Gladstone and Louie leave, Donald is about to leave, but is stopped by the tailor] Two thousand dollars, cash only.
[trying to guess how many fingers someone is holding up] Twenty-seven! Twenty-seven! TWENTY-SEVEN!
Ugh, give it up, Uncle Donald. Please.
Gladstone
No, no, no. Let it ride. You're about to-
CTCasino Toad
TWO?! We have a winner! Congratulations, you won a brand-new Thunderclutch sports car.
Gladstone
Great, this is the second car I've won for-
CTCasino Toad
Four?! You win again!
Let's go face the unknown together. So, any ideas on how to get back or…?
[off-screen] Ahoy there! [riding on Mitzi, with Gladstone in tow]
Cousin Gladstone?! Cousin Fethry?!
Della? Donald? Huey? Dewey? Green kid? Girl kid? Airplane? Palm tree? [Gladstone annoyingly shoves a watermelon in his mouth, getting him to stop talking] Mmm…
Gladstone
Hey, fam! Want some melon? [after commercial break] …Luckily, my blimp was blown clear of the invasion and out to sea. That's where Fethry and the lovely Mitzi found me. And just as I was getting peckish, we saw these melons floating in the ocean which led us here. Crazy, huh? This is delicious! You want some, Donaldo?
[Webby, Lena and Violet, weapons in hand, approach the front door of McDuck Manor, which is being accosted by pounds and moaning. When they open the door, Gladstone Gander tumbles in.]
Gladstone
UNCLE SCROOGE I NEED YOU [falls to the ground]
[The girls stare at Gladstone. Violet raises her stake.]
Stand down, Violet. It's just Donald's lucky loafer of a cousin, Gladstone.
Mmmm, if he's so lucky, why is he crying?
Gladstone
BECAUSE THE WORLD IS BROKEN! [blows his nose on Lena's shirt] It happened last night...
[Flashback...]
Gladstone
I had just been given a ride by a gent who needed help breaking in his new stretch limo.
[Gladstone steps out of the limo and waves to it. Shortly afterward, he is blasted by a strange green energy beam and looks lethargic.]
Gladstone
I was feeling peckish and a little drained. I found myself outside an All You Can Eat shrimp buffet and I screamed with joy because I love shrimp. I strolled inside to be named the 1,000th customer and awarded a free meal, but get this: no confetti? Or balloons? I asked for food and you know what they asked for in return? PAYMENT! I opened my wallet, it was EMPTY. Not ONE twenty dollar bill conveniently flew in, either, so I had to go to a bank! But it was...closed? Did you know things could be CLOSED? So I went to the ATM around the corner and asked it for twenty dollars! And you know how much it gave me?
[Flashback ends.]
Gladstone
Yeah! Not the usual accidental sack of rubies! THAT'S when I knew something was up and I needed Uncle Scrooge to fix it!
[Gladstone paces around the area, knocking things over and almost tripping.]
Gladstone
I had to WALK here! It took HOURS! No one offered me a ride, no passing hang gliders scooped me up and not ONE gust of wind whimsically carried me! IS THIS WHAT LIFE IS LIKE FOR YOU PEOPLE!!?
[Gladstone falls chin first to the ground.]
Gladstone
OW! Why weren't there PILLOWS THERE!?
[The Phantom Blot siphons the magic out of Magica's amulet as Lena struggles to keep it away from him. Lena blasts a root on the ground which throws the Blot off balance and sends the amulet into the sky. The amulet careens towards a despondent Gladstone.]
[Gladstone looks up and sees the amulet falling his way.]
Gladstone
I got it!
[Gladstone positions himself in the amulet's path]
Gladstone
[To himself] You can do this, Gladstone. Succeed on your own merits!
[The amulet slams into Gladstone's head but he DOES catch it.]
Gladstone
HAHAAA! I DID IT!
[Lena breathes a sigh of relief.]
Gladstone
Better luck next time, Blotty! HAA!
[Gladstone attempts to blast Phantom Blot with the amulet's magic, but he is holding it backwards and blasts himself instead. His body is awash in a purple glow. When it fades, Gladstone has been transformed into the unluckiest being in existence: Donald Duck. He sees his reflection in the swamp waters and gasps in horror.]
GDGladstone/Donald
Nohoho!
[Gladstone/Donald throws off his sailor hat and drops the amulet, then proceeds to run off in a panic.]
GDGladstone/Donald
[In utter terror] NOOOHOnoonoo! ANYTHING BUT THIS!!!
[Gladstone/Donald trips on an uprooted root, slides into a log, gets lodged in, and when a large tree branch falls on the other end of the log, he is sent flipping into the swamp waters and floats away, tail-feathers in the air.]
DuckTales (2017) · 345 quotes
